Welcome, President Obama!!!

Yeah, I typed it.

So?

Even though the Conservative in me, doesn’t mean that in the least, I will make every attempt to embrace the man that American lemmings, er…uh…people, yeah that’s right–people voted into the highest office in the land.

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know then that I am decidedly NOT a fan of Democratic or Liberal thinking.   I believe most of what they follow can best be described as “head up your ass politics”.  Personally, I believe that many Democrats are every bit as oblivious as they think Republicans are.

Politically, I think I’m more of a South Park Conservative.   That phrase, coined by NYC writer Brian Anderson shortly after Bush took office and taken from the cartoon of the same name (which by the way, is a very Conservative leaning show), simply means that I’m a Conservative, but I don’t necessarily ascribe to all things conservative…or Republican for that matter.  I think there’s tremendous media bias against Republicans and Conservatives.   I won’t watch CNN or MSNBC (otherwise known as Obama’s Campaign Headquarters).   Brian Williams makes parts of my body prolapse.   Ken Olberman is nuts.   I think “The View” is produced in Hell.

What I like about being a South Park Conservative,  is that we can poke fun of our own.  Idiocy is pervasive in Washington and it knows no one political party.  For me, it goes beyond that, actually.  I still believe in my Conservative valies, but I still have certain beliefs stemming being a  concave titted maiden in the 60’s and then blossoming into convex womanhood in the 70’s.

For example, I believe in the welfare system, but certainly not the one that created New Orleans.   The current one we have in place is fractured.    Unbelievably so. We should change the title from welfare to “relief”.  That’s what it was called years ago and then we should institute a very defined cut-off period once the family emerges from the ashes of hard times.   It should never have become the multi-generati0nal lifestyle it is now.   Way, way too much bureaucracy.

But sadly, Democrats are big on more government involvement.  Therefore, I don’t see Obama making sweeping changes in the area of welfare.

And what about Obama, LK?

He seems like a nice enough guy.

However, I don’t find him as enthralling as most of Americans do nor do I think he’s all that eloquent.

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I’m also confounded by this charisma thing that so many say emerges from his very being.

Yes, his election was historic, but I believe the U.S. has been ready for an African American president for a while now though admittedly,  I’ve had serious doubts that it should be this particular “Black” man.

“Say Laurie, what’s with the quotation marks around the word, “Black”?, you query.

Let me preface the explanation with this:  I’m not prejudiced in any form or fashion, though I do dislike stupidity and to willingly thrive in this decrepit mental environment isn’t measured by the amount of melanin in one’s skin.   Not measured by that at all.    In fact, President Obama in my humble opinion, is  just another narcissistic white guy, the likes we’ve seen before in past presidents such as Bush, Clinton, Nixon and LBJ.

You see, Barack Obama really isn’t an African American at all.

He’s Irish.

I originally wrote this piece last February. Here’s  a slightly modified explanation regarding our new president’s racial ambiguity.

You see, exactly 109 years ago, Barack’s great, great, great, great grandfather boarded a ship and sailed from the Emerald Isle to New York City. He disembarked at Ellis Island with countless other immigrants all seeking the legendary American dream. As he was being processed, a clerk accidentally omitted the vital, ethnocentric apostrophe at the front of his last name.

Thus, O’Bama became Obama.

Fortunately for Barack, he is of Black Irish descent—a traditional term believed to have originated in the U.S. that commonly ascribes to a dark brown or black hair phenotype appearing in Caucasians of Irish ancestry. This can be distinguished in contrast to the (lighter) brown, blond or red hair color variant, the latter stereotypically perceived to personify the look of typical Irish folk.

So, with extra melanin in his corner, Obama has been able to successfully “play up” this fact and accordingly, ran as an African American male.  And in a sweeping election, this past November he gained  entre into the Oval Office.

Oh yes, he’s Irish.     And we can prove it beyond the fact that he constantly sings “Come On Eileen”.

“Tura…lura… tura…lura…aight”

You see, we here at Laurie Industries have attained some rather damning photos.

This one was taken when he was moonlighting as a cabdriver during the St. Patrick’s Day celebration in Chicago, 1994.

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And this next very blatant photo not only substantiates our claims that Obama is in fact Irish, but that he might…just might be a homosexual, too.   Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

This pic was taken this past summer, in front of the new gay, Irish-themed bar in Boston—-The Blarney Frank Club.

Is any of this true? Who’s to say, but here at Laurie Industries, we encourage individuality and respect for the authentic self.

So, Barack, don’t deny who and what you are.

Walk proud, my man.

Walk proud.

And good luck, Sir.   You’ve inherited many problems, but seeing how you’ve surrounded your cabinet and staff with the entire  Clinton administration,  I have no doubt that you’ll do fine.

You have your own Dick Cheney equivalent in Vice President, Joe Biden,   Like your Daddy, Bill Clinton, you’ll have Hillary, as well.  And also just like Papa William J., you won’t have to sleep with her, either.

Seriously, I wish you well, Mr.  President.  It’s all on your watch now, Sir.

And stay the hell away from interns.

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