Welcome, President Obama!!!

Yeah, I typed it.

So?

Even though the Conservative in me, doesn’t mean that in the least, I will make every attempt to embrace the man that American lemmings, er…uh…people, yeah that’s right–people voted into the highest office in the land.

If you’ve read this blog for any length of time, you know then that I am decidedly NOT a fan of Democratic or Liberal thinking.   I believe most of what they follow can best be described as “head up your ass politics”.  Personally, I believe that many Democrats are every bit as oblivious as they think Republicans are.

Politically, I think I’m more of a South Park Conservative.   That phrase, coined by NYC writer Brian Anderson shortly after Bush took office and taken from the cartoon of the same name (which by the way, is a very Conservative leaning show), simply means that I’m a Conservative, but I don’t necessarily ascribe to all things conservative…or Republican for that matter.  I think there’s tremendous media bias against Republicans and Conservatives.   I won’t watch CNN or MSNBC (otherwise known as Obama’s Campaign Headquarters).   Brian Williams makes parts of my body prolapse.   Ken Olberman is nuts.   I think “The View” is produced in Hell.

What I like about being a South Park Conservative,  is that we can poke fun of our own.  Idiocy is pervasive in Washington and it knows no one political party.  For me, it goes beyond that, actually.  I still believe in my Conservative valies, but I still have certain beliefs stemming being a  concave titted maiden in the 60’s and then blossoming into convex womanhood in the 70’s.

For example, I believe in the welfare system, but certainly not the one that created New Orleans.   The current one we have in place is fractured.    Unbelievably so. We should change the title from welfare to “relief”.  That’s what it was called years ago and then we should institute a very defined cut-off period once the family emerges from the ashes of hard times.   It should never have become the multi-generati0nal lifestyle it is now.   Way, way too much bureaucracy.

But sadly, Democrats are big on more government involvement.  Therefore, I don’t see Obama making sweeping changes in the area of welfare.

And what about Obama, LK?

He seems like a nice enough guy.

However, I don’t find him as enthralling as most of Americans do nor do I think he’s all that eloquent.

.

I’m also confounded by this charisma thing that so many say emerges from his very being.

Yes, his election was historic, but I believe the U.S. has been ready for an African American president for a while now though admittedly,  I’ve had serious doubts that it should be this particular “Black” man.

“Say Laurie, what’s with the quotation marks around the word, “Black”?, you query.

Let me preface the explanation with this:  I’m not prejudiced in any form or fashion, though I do dislike stupidity and to willingly thrive in this decrepit mental environment isn’t measured by the amount of melanin in one’s skin.   Not measured by that at all.    In fact, President Obama in my humble opinion, is  just another narcissistic white guy, the likes we’ve seen before in past presidents such as Bush, Clinton, Nixon and LBJ.

You see, Barack Obama really isn’t an African American at all.

He’s Irish.

I originally wrote this piece last February. Here’s  a slightly modified explanation regarding our new president’s racial ambiguity.

You see, exactly 109 years ago, Barack’s great, great, great, great grandfather boarded a ship and sailed from the Emerald Isle to New York City. He disembarked at Ellis Island with countless other immigrants all seeking the legendary American dream. As he was being processed, a clerk accidentally omitted the vital, ethnocentric apostrophe at the front of his last name.

Thus, O’Bama became Obama.

Fortunately for Barack, he is of Black Irish descent—a traditional term believed to have originated in the U.S. that commonly ascribes to a dark brown or black hair phenotype appearing in Caucasians of Irish ancestry. This can be distinguished in contrast to the (lighter) brown, blond or red hair color variant, the latter stereotypically perceived to personify the look of typical Irish folk.

So, with extra melanin in his corner, Obama has been able to successfully “play up” this fact and accordingly, ran as an African American male.  And in a sweeping election, this past November he gained  entre into the Oval Office.

Oh yes, he’s Irish.     And we can prove it beyond the fact that he constantly sings “Come On Eileen”.

“Tura…lura… tura…lura…aight”

You see, we here at Laurie Industries have attained some rather damning photos.

This one was taken when he was moonlighting as a cabdriver during the St. Patrick’s Day celebration in Chicago, 1994.

obama-lep.jpg

.

And this next very blatant photo not only substantiates our claims that Obama is in fact Irish, but that he might…just might be a homosexual, too.   Not that there’s anything wrong with that.

This pic was taken this past summer, in front of the new gay, Irish-themed bar in Boston—-The Blarney Frank Club.

leprechaun2.jpg

Is any of this true? Who’s to say, but here at Laurie Industries, we encourage individuality and respect for the authentic self.

So, Barack, don’t deny who and what you are.

Walk proud, my man.

Walk proud.

And good luck, Sir.   You’ve inherited many problems, but seeing how you’ve surrounded your cabinet and staff with the entire  Clinton administration,  I have no doubt that you’ll do fine.

You have your own Dick Cheney equivalent in Vice President, Joe Biden,   Like your Daddy, Bill Clinton, you’ll have Hillary, as well.  And also just like Papa William J., you won’t have to sleep with her, either.

Seriously, I wish you well, Mr.  President.  It’s all on your watch now, Sir.

And stay the hell away from interns.

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11 comments

  1. I guess I haven’t read enough of your older posts yet and the humor level of your recent ones were such that I am surprised to hear of your conservative leanings. But you DO live in Texas after all, so there’s that.

    And if you claim to be a South Park Republican then my liberal white middle-aged male ass can totally forgive your right-winged convexity. I’ve claimed for 8 years now that the previous idiot (and his undeniable peckerhead), for whom I voted, plus one cum-stained blue dress is what got us the soon-to-be-former POTUS, Mr. Bush.

    I’m sure that Gore would have done much the same when the Death Whores knocked our towers down. Maybe not the Iraq part though. Water under the bridge …

    We have much trouble ahead, and President Obama, even with all the luck of the Irish, will have a helluva time. It’s hopeless. This whole way of life is destined for the rubbish can of history.

    Nice Photoshopping, by the way. Who doesn’t love a leprechaun?? 😀

  2. David..David…David,

    This sentence you wrote bothers me..

    “I guess I haven’t read enough of your older posts yet and the humor level of your recent ones were such that I am surprised to hear of your conservative leanings”.

    What the hell is that supposed to mean? Conservatives can’t be funny? Surely you jest or perhaps you’re way too Yankeefied to know any better.

    I will forgive you for your geographical indiscretion. I’m a generous sort.

    Darling, please know that I used to be a card carrying Democrat..that is, until Clinton signed the Telecommunications Act of 1996 and in doing so, deregulated radio ownership in this country which in turn, killed radio. After it was implemented and corporate ownership became all the rage, salaries were reduced and people lost jobs. People who put in 30-years in the business and made tons o’money for their stations, we’re suddenly discarded like the rubbish you speak of. I had two colleagues who killed themselves.

    That changed me forever and forced me to vote with my wallet.

    In my post I also stated that there’s much about Republicans that I dislike. Just because someone is a Republican doesn’t make them automatically correct. That said, I’ve never utterly towed party line in my life. Only nebbish idiots do that blithely. I agree with you in that Bush made egregious errors in his presidency and he was ill-advised in certain areas.

    But…

    I think he’s been judged uber critically, harshly and might I add, at times, unfairly. That’s my opinion only and furthermore, I don’t think the terms, “cretin, retard, idiot” which have been bandied about so freely by Leftist rebels for the past five years, apply to Bush. And I agree with him–that history will eventually judge him far more positively.

    And one more lesson in your continuing education of all things Kendrick: inferring that my being a Texan has any bearing on my political beliefs is utterly ridiculous. You’re stereotyping me and frankly, I don’t appreciate that.

    Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to find my gun, arm myself to the hilt, remember the Alamo by shouting at Mexicans, then I’ll try to remember where I parked my horse.

    LK

  3. 😀 I am properly admonished and I apologize for any pain, itching, or swelling caused by my ill-considered commentary. You’re absolutely right, of course, I implied that Republicans lack senses of humor, and I know this is wrong. I have Republican friends that make me laugh regularly (intentionally). I honestly did not mean to stereotype you, especially as I’m just getting to know you through your blog posts. I think you’ll find that I’m every bit as cynical as you, and though I have been cursing the GOP for a long time now, I am all too painfully aware that the Dems I vote for are no better.

    I intend to continue my Kendrick education and humbly thank you for your generous forgiveness.

    My own state of New Hampshire, a long-time bastion of conservatism has somehow flipped its politico-psyche to the other side. I’ve waited 30 years for this, but now that it’s happened, it only adds to the jitters.

    Given the overripe insanity of our current world, I harbor no illusions about what this “history making” president #44 will or won’t be able to accomplish. We’re in a world of shit like never before. Once it resolves though, we’ll all be so much better off.

    I so love to quote Billy Bob Thornton’s character from Slingblade: “All right they’un…”

  4. “Taters”.

    You’re witty, David. And that’s a groove.

    Come back and play on my erstwhile blog anytime. Brilliance is always welcomed.

    Except for that little “Malcolm In The Middle” bastard.

    Cynically,
    LK

  5. Well I guess I’m a Yankee, New England born ‘n raised. Except for some years in Florida (as a kid), Oregon (as an erstwhile undergrad), and a couple months in Hawaii (as a vagrant), I’m Yankee as all getout.

    Are you saying you don’t like Frankie Muniz? If so, then there’s something we can TOTALLY agree on. 🙂

  6. Yessir, Frankie Muniz’s impish affect is a prime example that some abortions aren’t as thorough as they should be. I didn’t like the Lil’ Frankie as a kid. He’s even more loathsome as an adult.

    And that grating voice of his!!!! Tell me, shouldn’t his figs be completely descended at age 20?

    Enough about him.

    I’m a native Texan. Fifth generation, to be exact but I’m fairly well traveled and have seen the world and the way other people live….and eat. I’ve spent a lot of time in NYC. I love that place. It’s got an energy I could snort.

    You and Mrs. L should come down to Texas and I’ll show you both how we do hospitality. Come on, why not? After all these comment exchanges d’ mirth, we’re practically mishpuka.

    LK

  7. Now this is funny. I’m Democrat and I’m not ashamed of admitting it even though your readers profess their loyalty to the Rep party. Obama has a lot of cleaning up to do and I pray he can help put this country back to where it was many years ago – back in the black. And that isn’t a play on words, either.

    Amen

  8. For the love of all that is holy, can someone please point out to Odrama and his band of theatrical cavaliers that they are not remotely similar to Lincoln…please, before my left eye continues to twitch for another 24 hours.

  9. As a first time reader, “Welcome, President Obama” is the best Politically Correct humor about “President Obama Heinz of his 57 States” that I have enjoyed (LMAO) reading today! 😀

    P.S. I hope you don’t mind a link to this post? Your post was discovered in my Referrers after someone clicked the wordpress.com satire tag to visit my blog.

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