One Big Ass Snake!!!

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Dear Readers;

Based on my site’s current standings in the 2007 Weblog Awards competition for “Funniest Blog”, I wanted both of you to know that we have a covenant. I made a vow when I started this blog seven months ago, that it will always be my intent to entertain, charm, alarm, make you laugh, cry and scare you to the point of total fecal dislodgement.

With that said, I will warn you—this post in particular, just might serve as literary laxative.

The following photos were sent to me via e-mail on Halloween. I felt compelled to share them with you, but if you are ophiophobic (English Translation: snakes scare the ass off of you) discontinue reading.

Now!!

Seriously.

I’ll wait.

La la dee dum notes.jpg dum dee tee la dum dee dum notes.jpg

Have you stopped reading?

OK, I’ll continue.

A farmer somewhere in Southern China one day realized that something amiss: he started noticing that his livestock inventory was dwindling.

A chicken or two at first, then he started noticing that he was missing goats, a lamb, two calves and one farmhand. He thought the culprit was a wolf or a lynx, a Communist or whatever two to four legged predators they have in Southern China. So, he installed the MOAEF—the Mother Of All Electric Fences.

It is an electrified fence with a electric fence as a back-up. This is serious anti-predator protection. Nothing….NOTHING would get through this fence.

And damned if it didn’t work. Apparently, in Southern China, they have great electric fences. Good thing too because the farmer had prized milk cows he needed to protect.

So old Chairman Moo wakes up one morning and goes out to check the fence about a week after he installed it and THIS is what he found.

snake12.jpg

A 12-foot Burmese Python.

I’m sorry—-make that a 12-foot Myanmarese Python.

Dead.

Electrocuted after “biting” the wire.

Keep in mind that pythons are constrictors. They kill their prey by squeezing, BUT…I would think the eight scimitars that herpetologists call fangs could sufficiently do the trick.

Don’t believe me?

Get a pant load of this next photo:

snake22.jpg

As we say here in Texas: SHEEEEE—-IT!!!!!

One more thing you should know, the wires are ten inches apart.

That’s one big mouth, Valerie Plame!!!

Sweet dreams!

19 comments

  1. Normally I let snakes be. I think, “Well, that one will take care of a bunch of bugs and mice, maybe an extra roaming tom cat or three.” Anything slithering into the chicken house or even barn, though, has crossed the line.

    Now, this poor snake must have been taking care of some fairly nasty predators, or a *big* bunch of minor nuisances. It will take years to replace that predator! If only it could have been dissuaded from crossing the line into domestic livestock.

    Just think how many rats, weasels (?!), stray dogs, gophers, and other little varmints will be flourishing while waiting for a predator to grow big enough to ‘clean up’ the area again.

    BTW – did the electric fence damage very much of the hide? That looks like 2 coats, a patio awning, and 14 pairs of shoes with matching belts. Not to mention a bodacious sheep-fed snake barbecue! “No cloud so dark .. silver lining!”

  2. Five will get you ten that the snake bit the wires when it got popped by the electricity, hitting back at whatever was hurting it.

    I’ve seen snake steaks for sale that looked about that size (less whatever is inside that one, which obviously just dined) on the side of the road in Viet Nam.

  3. Bossy is relieved it was a big-ass snake and not a big Ass sneak, because that would have just been weird. Anyway, greetings from your fellow Humor Blog Finalist. Bossy is the one who forgot to promote the thing on her blog; the one running in circles in Lane 4.

  4. Jebus. It’s the rows of teeth that get me. Like it’s not bad enough to get bitten by two fangs, this thing has serrated knives for jaws. *Shudder*

  5. Not to be a downer on the snake story, but look at the fence in the last picture. The supposedly electrified wires are attached to metal posts by more metal wire. There is no way that fence would carry a charge, it is 100% grounded! Or so says the bad-fence-expert who is constantly chasing her goats around the neighborhood ๐Ÿ™‚

  6. so is this reptile dead or what? if the fence didnt carry a charge then should it still be alive. scary thought for the cameraman

  7. dood. First off I voted for you. or atleast i tried to. im not good at that stuff.

    second. the picutes of the little snakey. jeeee-suuuuuus. for frick sake. that snake shoulda seen a dentist…the tarter made me sick.

  8. That picture is so wrong I don’t even know where to start……..

    No sane God would have made snakes that big.

    Who’s leg did it just swallow? And don’t tell me it was some little chinaman’s.

    Gives the term snake trouser a whole new meaning.

    Finally,,,,where is the picture with it’s head cut off? The only good snake is a dead headless snake.

  9. Oh my God, was that Satan or what? That poor thing that made him his last dinner! Very good LK, you should be number one in this blog!

  10. I have seen this and the post’s are fiberglass. ad it had a gazzelle or something to that effect and the snake is dead and was cut open to see what was inside of it. I am trying to find the other pictures.

  11. I love snakes,most of them are cute if to look better and closer.They are not some kinda monsters,the only thing they REALY want is to LIVE!!!just to live…they never harm without warning,they never chase people and never wish evil to…
    I caught a snake – viper-poisonous and for 3 days when it was living in my house it bitten me only 2 times(when was very scared)and WITHOUT poison!!!!!!!!!!So please think about this

  12. Howzit, I’m sorry, but this is an African Rock Python and it died after eating an impala ewe on the Silent Valley Game Ranch in South Africa. See the game ranch’s story at http://www.bushveld.co.za/pictures-python.htm.

    For further verification, the first pci shows a white game ranger, then when they open the snakes carcass, its done by a black African game ranger. You dont get these people in China. You should also note the buck’s carcass, which is definitely an Impala, a South African buck. This was on TV in South Africa.

    Regards
    Gary D
    .

    Thank God for your herpetological prowress, Gary D. Without your vast knowledge of South AFrican news and info, what would we have done?

    I have no idea what the background is on these photos. I merely received them in an e-mail almost two years ago and made-up a story around them.

    What I wrote was merely fiction and imagination. The photos arrived alone–no accompanying info at all.

    To be honest, I’ve often wondered if these photos were real and not set up. Snake placed under the wires; snake’s face hung up on the wires on the fence, fangs carefully placed for an even more dramatic effect. You know, staging…the human version of Photoshopping

    LK

  13. Actually there are three fences. The big one in the middle is not electric. But if you look at the first picture you can see insulators on the inside fence that is actually on top of the snake and under the snakes tail. There is yet another electric fence outside of the big fence that also has insulators on it. Double wammy as we say in Texas!

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