For those of you really into schadenfreude, you’ll love this:
Apparently, my blog isn’t very funny. Nor is it very attractive.
Plus, I’m not very original and I’m holding back, as evidenced by my rather paltry, but incredibly wordy writing style. This is the gospel according to a blog that reviews other blogs.
Mine was reviewed Tuesday.
Wow.
So, I’m not all that funny? And my writing in effect, leaves much to be desired?
I respect the viewpoints expressed on this blog. The reviewer is entitled to her subjective opinion. She merely called it as she saw it.
But maybe….just maybe, the problem IS mine. Perhaps, she’s right. Perhaps I’m just not a very funny writer.
I wonder how I should break this to my two magazine editors, the two major market radio stations for whom I write comedy, several national writing award committees, two documentary producers, not to mention my CPA and agent who both make a very nice living off my inferior humor and lackluster writing skills.
On a completely different note….
I was interviewed by New York City Writer/Director, Emon Hassan recently. Damn, the boy made me look halfway credible!
And also while you’re feeling a bit artsy, please watch Emon’s first film. It’s a wonderful example of his incredible vision and talent. The man is truly gifted. As the kids say, “He has mad skillz.”
Watch my friend’s film.
It’s called “Pretty”.
Laurie Kendrick 
You can’t please everybody. But you please me, and that’s what’s most important, eh?
Fuck ’em Kendrick. I read that review. It was written by a child who’s main grasp up until a few community college English courses last semester, was a Highlights Magazine.
“Calamity” is an idiot who wrote from a basis of spite and rage. This person has no grasp of who you are or your legend. Blow this off as I’m sure you’ve already done. Your gifts are as much exhibiting class as they are your incredible humor and writing skills.
This blog and it’s reviewers are to be pitied. They should also be duly ignored by anyone with any taste and good sense.
Just to clear up your perceptions, Texas (and God bless Texas) I’m actually 33, I hold a master’s degree in creative writing, and I’m to be pitied for my miserable taste in lipstick color. “Idiot” is likely right, but rage? I haven’t raged since 1996. Wait. Maybe that was a rave.
Laurie, THIS was funny. To me, at least. More of this, please. And Grandpa Joe.
I have had a dose of Laurie Kendrick today, and I love it. I read that review, and left a comment. Funny is certainly different for all of us. I mean I watched Dane Cook 10 or 11 years ago on Comedy central and he was funny, but then all these years later, same material, so not so much funny there. I certainly think there is funny here and I will be so bold as to say I recognize funny. Thanks, Veronica
I’d like to use longer words but your page is just too narrow! 😉
So this is how I had to find out? That you’re not funny? I think I want all the times I cracked up into pieces back. I laughed at false pretenses. Not cool. Damn you for making me laugh and have water droplets resting on blades of grass on your blog header.
I think Donald Trump’s ‘You’re Fired’ has been replaced with ‘Get Ready…You’ve been reviewed’ Gold!
LK, you’re one of the funniest people I know. And the coolest because back-linked to me. 🙂
Thank you for the nice things you say about me! It won’t stop me from selling your autographed pieces on eBay when you hit it big.
Now, what I really want to know is…where is that story Karol mentioned in the other post? The one you wrote 25 years ago.
Dear Ms. Calamity–My sister had incredible humor and talent way before you were a mere thought between your mommy and daddy. She was brilliant. Could you recite the balcony scene of the movie Romeo & Juliet by memory at the age of 7 years old? When JFK was assassinated in 1963, a book was published thereafter called “The Torch Is Past”. My little sister was 4 years old at the time and she had memorized Kennedy’s presidential address that was included in this book. She was also reading at that age. The list of her accomplishments is longer still.
Apparently Ms. Calamity, you don’t have nearly the talent you think you have if you have to critique Laurie to the point of sounding stupid and only making you look foolish. Advice: get your PhD in journalism degree then come back and try your hand at writing. Maybe Laurie would be forgiving enough to show you a few tips. Maybe even help you get that publishing deal.
Sincerely,
Laurie’s Middle Sister and a faithful reader
Well, though I do not agree with everything the reviewer said, they did seem to bash a lot of people. Maybe they need a hug. I think I would like to be reviewed in about three years, when I finally edit my posts.
I could definitely use a hug. And a blankie.
Gee, I can’t believe the humorous-lady reviewer hasn’t discovered Rachel Lucas. I would love to see that review, and I would pay to see the aftermath, dogs, guns, and all.
Love your blog, Laurie!
You’ve said yourself LK that comedy is subjective. So is one’s opinion about writing. I think Hemingway is boring. Yet, he’s considered to be one “OF THE GREAT ONES”.
I think Calamity’s review was hardly as vicious as the others I’ve read on that blog. While I disagree with her review generally speaking, I must say that she seems to possess a certain humanity that the other reviewers don’t.
All I can say is that if I were to review a blog, I’d be far more gracious. Even more so than Calamity was.
There are decent and fair reviews and there are verbal lynchings. This blog offers the latter. Some archived reviews are proof. I know there are some bad blogs out there, but come on!! Show a little class, people!!. Some of these reviewers seem to be mean for the sake of being mean. What happened? Did they tire of eating their young?
But then again, like that old saying: those who can’t act teach. Maybe with the exception of Calamity (in your case anyway) those who can’t write, review.
I read your blog cause it’s readable. You’ve got stories with meat and emotion. It’s real life stuff and it makes me laugh and think.
I don’t give two shits for design or anything. A blog is the soul of the blogger. Like that of humans, it’s an intangible. Like writing. And its your writing that makes your blog, Laurie. Keep on keeping on, Missy. You are loved and respected no matter what anyone thinks and someday, when you’re walking on the red carpet in Hollywood or about to be interviewed by Oprah or Larry King, you remember this little insignificant fly speck of an event.
It’s just one person’s opinion. You have plenty of readers who consider your posts both funny and interesting, myself included. This is a popular blog. Don’t forget about that.
Hi Laurie,
Ok, so the reviewer obviously didn’t “get” you or your stuff. Please don’t let this be some sort of bell weather. You don’t need some “so called reviewer” with self appointed credentials who’s part of a blog that’s so fulll of itself that it competes with the bullshit it doles out.
Those people are obviously kids over there and by kids, I mean anyone under 35. They sure write like it. What’s their beef? You didn’t use “fuck” enough times for their tastes?
As for Calamity, I went to her blog. I was underwhelmed. As blogs go, she could use some of her own advice. Learning how to write in a compelling and entertaining manner would be a good start.
Greg is right. One reviewer’s opinion and really, who is this person? Someone who dishes out criticism while cowering behind a blog moniker? How could anyone take what he or she says seriously?
You have a great blog. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. It’s entertaining, funny as hell and appointment reading. We don’t miss it. My wife and I even discuss your posts at dinner. You have a fiercely loyal readership and we’re proud to be members.
That was a fucking lightweight review, LK. Piss poor and so insignificant (I really liked the flyspeck analogy) that I can’t believe a woman of your talent level and reputation gave it any creedence by writing about it. And you linked to it, too? What was that? A weak moment?
You’re the baddest ass I know, Kendrick. You’re a celebrity. People know your name. Calamity cowers in the shadow cast by you—-and your little blog, too!! (Do I get LK bonus points for the Wicked Witch of the West reference???????)
Laurie…
I had typed out a lengthy and sarcastic defense of your blog over at Calamity’s site…when I realized that you had asked for your blog to be reviewed.
I pulled the comment. I just felt conflicted because you asked Calamity for her honest opinion…and I guess I can see how someone might not “get” you.
And that’s too bad for her.
I was in a Jr. College play about 10 years ago…it was only my 2nd attempt at acting. We played to an audience of over 200 patrons each evening and we received standing ovations each night. A good time was had by all…
Well…except for some sad sack LA Times reviewer who absoutely skewered me and my performance…with no regard given to the fact that I was merely someone who tried a few acting classes and was blessed with a role in a summer play. My acting teacher pointed out something comforting…the reviewer was probably a frustrated actor who was stuck reviewing a Jr. College play instead of being on stage himself. He explained…those who can, do…those who can’t become reviewers.
Seems like this might be the case with Calamity. Or not…she does have that Masters degree so she must be able to write…something. What got me though were her co-monkeys who chimed in with their “reviews”. It was a “piling on”…and completely unnecessary.
I don’t need to defend you, Laurie. Your blog has brought me plenty of laughs…and I am completely charmed by the subtlety of your wit…even if it is completely lost on Calamity and her blogmates. Maybe you should write slower so they can understand…
Oh and Calamity…my blog sucks. I know it does and I’m proud of it. So are my four readers…
I wouldn’t pay a whole lot of attention to someone who won’t even put his/her real name on a review. Anonymous reviews are so 2003.
That said, you could pick a better template. 🙂
You should kick her in the box. If she says you’re not funny then my sense of humor sucks because I have at least 3 to 4 laugh out loud moments a week here. I’m shooting mind bullets her direction as I write this.
Love ya darlin’!
As I see it, it doesn’t matter if you asked to be reviewed or not. These reviewers have a responsibility to be fair in spite of the fact that they’re obviously angry children. And trust me, they are.
For Calamity: It’s true, your review of Miss Kendrick’s blog was for the most part reserved and (by comparison) fair, but it wasn’t a very good review as a whole. I felt you grasped at straws in some areas.
I don’t care if these reviews are requested by the bloggers themselves. I don’t care if you and your cohorts are nothing but a bunch of foul mouthed angry kids, you should still attempt to demonstrate some adult compassion and responsibility. There’s very little of the word “constructive” in any of your criticisms. On the contrary, the majority of reviews I’ve read on that blog are mean and vicious. Even the blogs you people like are in and of themselves, downright vile.
You and your reviewers have so much to learn and so much life ahead of you. Surprise people!!!! You don’t have all the answers and as you age, you’ll see the error of your ways.
I say this because I was young once–I remember feeling intellectually impervious—37 years ago.
I work with 20 and 30-something’s. I am amazed at what they don’t know. The arrogance!! Being angry for the sake of being angry and lashing out because of some misplaced internal turmoil-part-Atteral induced hormonal imbalance-part unresolved childhood issues doesn’t make any of you legitimate blog reviewers.
It makes you bullies.
It’s like music.
You cant be liked by everyone or loved by everyone for that matter.
Let it go.
This blog’s for you
Where ever you are
>sorry, barry manilow moment<
If you did stand-up, not everyone there would find everything you said funny. If that were true, they’d pair you up with someone who’s paid to just laugh and get you back on the radio 🙂
So…opinions are like bunyons.
Or…hemorrhoids.
Or foot odor….yeh…foot odor.
We all have foot odor and no one wants to smell our feet, but, when we take those shoes off…they have no choice. 🙂
So, that’s what this woman did. She took her shoes off and her feet stunk.
And, you didn’t want to smell it.
All that I can say, is you are the best! You are so good, that you don’t have to use the f—k word to get the point across to us and also you know how to make us feel! Great job KL, we need you back on the RADIO! You need to have your own talk show, it would be the BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!
More Cowbel! Nah, that’s tired.
I do love your blog & find myself LOI’ng a lot when I drop by, but I think the girl may have a point and one point only, your blogs layout/design. Every other criticism was way too harsh and dare I say, bitchy.
May I suggest a chattering teeth motif?
Hi Calamity, your masters degree in creative writing; was that through one of these correspondence courses you see advertised in the tabloids or through the university of Granada or similar? I’m really interested and not being at all sarcastic.
Freddy
Hi,
May I join this club? I was reviewed by this same site and they hated me too 🙂
http://iwillfuckingtearyouapart.blogspot.com/2008/03/no-good-very-bad-day.html (mine was the first review)
I stumbled upon the link through a friend who had been reviewed. Read her review during my ‘wake up with coffee’ time and submitted mine before reading any further.
Guess I should have, because they make the assumption that everyone who submits has already read their reviews. I hadn’t. My mistake. Damn spontaneity! I also didn’t even notice the URL. The coffee hadn’t kicked in yet and I only noticed the “AAYSR” title.
After submitting, THEN reading the previous reviews, I was actually HOPING to get Calamity to review my blog as she seemed to be the ‘nicest’ one of the group, unfortunately I didn’t pull that straw.
Actually, now that I think about it, maybe I don’t belong here, as according to my reviewer, I’m not a ‘real’ blogger … I’m a Non-Blog. Hmmmmm … I’m still posting … if a message is posted to a Non-Blog in cyberspace … can anybody read it?
My template sucks (yeah, I know that), I’m too wordy, and I only post about once a month. Again, yup, and yup. I state those last two points in my very first blog post. I look at a post as a ‘story’ I want to share. An ‘adventure’ we’ve had. Not simply a couple of lines about what the kids did that day … just for the sake of posting.
I guess I haven’t learned exactly what these people are looking for The things they complain about, I don’t have. Blinky buttons, three column blogs, multi-coloured text, reposted email jokes, meme’s … I have none of those.
They want you to post when you ‘have something to say’ … um …yeah … that’s why I only post as often as I do … only when something ‘interesting’ happens. And they want you to post ‘regularly’. Um … ok, when I last looked up the definition of ‘regularly’ it was “of a regularly occurring, dependable nature”. So what’s the difference between once a day, once a week and once a month? If they occur consistently, are they not all ‘regular’?
Anyway, all that to say, I may not be a paid author who writes well, but I like your blog. Green grass header and all 🙂 I think you’re funny and I’d be happy to share my ‘Been there. Been reviewed. My Blog Sucks!’ t-shirt with you 🙂 Or in my specific case ‘My blog is a steaming pile of dung’ t-shirt lol.
Oops .. this non-blogger better stop here … I think I’ve used up my wordiness count for the day 😉
Kim,
First of all, welcome.
I’ve had a few days to absorb all of this and believe me, this has been blown WAY out of proportion. Mainly by the “reviewers” at the blog called “Ask and You Will Receive”. It was brought to my attention that someone went to the review and under the moniker of “Anonymous”, defended me.
The reviewers apparently think I am “Anonymous”. I can assure you, I am not. I only read the review once and never went back to the site. I definitely didn’t bother reading the comments. I’m decidedly NOT a glutton for punishment. Apparently, whatever “Anonymous” said, plus the less than complimentary protest comments left on my blog by my readers must’ve have gotten to them. That’s all I can determine. Interesting that they can dish it out but they can’t take it.
In the grand scheme of things, these “reviewers” are completely irrelevant, Kim. Completely irrelevant. They chided me for including in my post that I’m a published writer and an awarding winning one at that. They claimed my education and kudos have little to do my ability to write. Yet, when pressed for their legitimate expertise, they’ll whip out their degrees left and right and titles they currently hold.
Irony isn’t lost of them, no siree.
Here’s the reality Kim: Despite their incessant protests to the contrary, we’re dealing with immature of children. That’s indicative by the psuedonyms they cower behind. And that’s further evidenced by the fact that their writing on their personal blogs and the overall design is juvenile at best. As far as the criticism they dole out, it’s contradictory. In fact, they don’t review, they attack and they don’t write, they inflict and from little I’ve read, they do so with a distinctly sociopathic glee. Plus, they won’t let this issue die.
But I have to thank them for that. Their refusal to let go this matter,coupled with their blatant disregard for me and (from what I understand) their feeble attempts at putting in my place on their blog has resulted in two of the biggest single traffic days in my blog’s one year existence.
As the kids say, “Keep hating on me!!”
So yes, they’re good for something. Writing? Not so much. As far as that goes, they do so with amazingly lacklaster skills. I mean, saying “fuck, fucking, fucker”, 37 times in one paragraph leaves much to be desired. Obviously, panache is something they know little about.
I remain incredibly underwhelmed.
Some of my readers have implied they’re jealous. No they aren’t–they’re misguided. I blame some of that on the misplaced arrogance of their youth.
And let me say here that I have no real issue with my review. Nor do I have an issue with Calamity. She had every right to write as she felt. In fact, she and I exchanged e-mails and I found her to be ameable. My problem is with her fellow “reviewers”. Someone calling herself “Love Bites” left me a rather caustic comment for reasons I have yet to comprehend. I killed it. I won’t give her insane anger any print. Why she felt compelled to comment can only indicate that I or “Anonymous” or my readers got to her in some capacity.
Well, welcome to the reality of adulthood, Sister.
“Give and You Shall Get Back”. And that’s Fact of Life #21.
These people, I am convinced, spew their venom for the schock value. It brings them ratings.
But I digress.
Where you and I made our mistakes, Kim was contributing to their sickness. We did this by submitting our blogs to them in the first place. What you got and what I’m getting in the wake of my review is proof that we are dealing with the rankest of amateurs.
You keep on writing and blogging. You have much to say.
LK
‘Anonymous’ is right on the money- Loves Bites is not going to make it as a writer in this lifetime.
It’s a good thing she has nice tits, as her friend said. In addition to working at Hooters, She might be able to get published a goth calendar girl and be seen in gas stations and plumbing supply stores all over the country.
If she gets the right agent, she might even become the next silhouette girl for 18 wheeler shiny chrome mud flaps.
Hey Love Bites, douche boxes always need reviewing.
As for the mud flaps? You might be wrong, she writes likes she fat. Really fat. I don’t think she’d fit. Unless of course, she can be used as the actuakl “Wide Load” banner. Total loser.
How are you, PM? Hope you’re feeling better.
The Middle Sister
I am as they say, in rare form.
And let me say here that I have no real issue with my review. Nor do I have an issue with Calamity. She had every right to write as she felt. In fact, she and I exchanged e-mails and I found her to be ameable. My problem is with her fellow “reviewers”
Laurie…I feel the same way. I actually felt a little bad about lighting up “Calamity” in my faux-review because she is easily the most civil one over there. But there really was no way to do it any other way. And she does come across as smug and arrogant.
It was Calamity’s co-bloggers that made me go off. I would not have defended you as vociferously had they not:
*Ganged up on you in the comments section
*Preceeded your review with another mean-spirited review laden with expletives and flaming middle fingers as a “rating system”
*Accused you of being the “anonymous” commenter without using a rather easy method of confirming that…a method ANY alleged blog “expert” should know about. In fact, even a rookie blogger like myself could tell where “Love Bites” left her comment from. It’s not rocket science. To accuse you without confirmation was reckless and tasteless.
That’s why I did it. And apparently they’re a little upset over there. Oh well…
I just got through reading nutjobber and love bites commentaries and I must say for youngsters they don’t have a lot respect for their elders. Why don’t they come on your blog, Laurie, with their comments and see what happens to them? Little chicken shits.
Their comments about you have gone way beyond critiquing. They have started a war now with name calling and sophomoric behavior. They’re critics? Not in my opinion.
Fear not, Sister dear. They’re only showing their true colors. They are acting their age and frankly, I hope they continue. All this sniping and name calling and rage and hatred and angst ridden residual effects of Adderal from their sad days as teens and tweens are resulting in WONDERFUL numbers for my blog.
Continue children. Keep sending me traffic and views.
I’m loving this and thanks. Thanks awfully.
I agree with Laurie, look at all the people it is sending her way. This is great for her.
Laurie’s faithful readers will defend her to the end. I know how talented she is. As far as the layout of her blog? Who really gives a shit! I am here to read what she has to say, not look at all the crap on the side lines!
Amen to that, Sista Cheryl. If the layout is so important to the reviewers then they should critique that and not the post.
Damn them all! I love this blog and wouldn’t change a thing!!!!! Well, maybe a few visits from the blogs writer to my blog would be nice,….but nonetheless!!!!! Change nothing and damn them to hell he who would wish any changes!!!!
Damn, in all my anger and exuberance to write this response, I seem to have soiled myself…..
Nutjobber is in his thirties. I’m sure he knows how I know this, but I’m not going to give details on that here.
He reviewed my old blog a while back and while I made a snarky reply post that was grossly misunderstood as whinging instead of the tongue-in-cheek that I had intended. I don’t remember much else, aside from my former best friend and him getting at each other in the comments. What I do remember is that he linked to an entry of that blog. First word of that entry? Fuck. Or it was in the first line at least. Then, in the comments of my review, he said “You didn’t say fuck once.” I had to laugh… did he even READ the entry he’d linked to? Perhaps it was selective memory.
As it was, there was a lot of immaturity on my own part regarding that review and I have since moved on to the new blog where I feel quite comfortable knowing that I don’t give a shit what anybody thinks of me or my tits.