That would be Blair, the creative force behind the highly entertaining blog known as The Shameful Sheep. I’d provide the link here if I knew how, but I think that would also require a WordPress upgrade and frankly, I just don’t wanna. You see, WordPress and I seem to be drifting apart lately. Commitment issues. But Google TheShamefulSheep.com and enjoy the literary ride.
While I’ve never actually communed with Blair one-on-one, I think we’re somewhat alike. It appears we view the world lit from a lightbulb of similar wattage. We’ve followed each others blogs, liked each others’posts and based on her writing style, I’d say we’d probably laugh at the same dick jokes.
While reading one of her posts recently, I noticed she was posed some questions to answer, so she then challenged her readers to do the same. Yeah, I know, it’s an old blogging chestnut, but to quote Poco, “When it’s all you’ve got– call it love” and frankly, I’m bored with politics and I’ve scorned whiney millenials and third wave campus feminists enough—this week—so, I thought what the hell, I’ll answer her questions and then some.
They are as follows, in no particular order:
1. Think of the person you dislike the most in this world. If you had the ability to force them to eat a full plate of anything you wanted, what would it be?
I strongly dislike poseurs with extremely vague pedigreees. Don’t claim privacy when refusing to answer probing questions on a blog in which you use your real name. That said, I would invite those on thatbparticular shit list to a banquet facility where a meal of braised ocelot rectum and capers would be served on a bed of lice pilaf. That would be followed by much needed vinegar and water boarding.
2. What do you have an irrational fear of?
I have become more claustrophobic in my later years. MRIs require total sedation but my most irrrational fear of all would be sitting in front of an open windows at night.
It was 1976 and my boyfriend at the time, got me into horror flicks. Not so much the ones about ghosts and monsters, but about the ultimate thematic conflict, man vs. man. We saw this particular movie entitled, The Town That Freaded Sundown. It’s based on a true story about the still unsolved post WWII “Phantom Murders” in Texarkana. A hooded figure would attack high school kids “parking” as we used to say, on darkened backroads and in the woods late at night. It was rather formulaic: he’d kill the guy first, then rape the woman, then kill her in brutal fashion. This had to happen a few times until the kids In Texarkana realized that going out and necking could be fatal. A curfew was imposed, so let’s just say a lot of palms grew hairy that fateful spring in Texarkana.
Speaking of, this moratorium forces the killer’s hand. He has to sate to his murderous appetite by moving from the boonies into Texarkana proper. So, he walks up to a house and the killer shoots Pa through the open window, then Ma gets shot in the face through an open kitchen window. And for some reason, those scenes have bothered me ever since. I’ve visited people who lived in in hi-rises and I’m talking upper floors ya’ll, and I couldn’t sit or stand in front of an open window after dark.
3. You’re going out to dinner tonight – what type of restaurant are you going to? Mexican? Chinese? American? Italian?
I like food from the many countries up and down the Mediterranean. I also like good Chinese and Vietnamese food. But if specifics are required for tonight’s fare, since I’ve been trying to diet, I’d probably choose Chinese. But on a good bulemic night, rife with self loathing, I’d choose all four restaurants. Seriously. I would….and I have.
4. If you’re a blogger – do you have aspirations of writing a book at some point?
Yes, of course. I’be been writing two separate screenplays in my head for a decade now. One is loosely based on my capicious three decade career in Broadcasting (the “other” magical misery tour”) and the second book or screenplay would focus on my gregarious maternal grandmother who loved fire engine red fingernails and wearing diamonds during the daytime. ”Twas absokutely scandalous in small town South Texas circa 1963.
5. You’re given an unlimited amount of money by Daddy Warbucks. The only stipulation is it must be spent on a dream you’ve had. What is that dream?
Hhhhhmmmmm…..if it was the slumber induced nightmare I had about Dennis Cucinic and Marla Maples’ uvula during horah in Minsk, then I’ll pass, but if you mean the dream in which I’ve had since childhood about encapsulating the first giddy months of love in pill form, then yeah, I’d shove a shit ton of dough in front of some Big Pharma CEO and say make it happen, Papi!
6. What are you really good at?
I have failing at LOVE down to a science. If one can fail well than I’ve been felled very well by failing. On an up note, I do know which wine goes best with Xanax and chateaubriand.
7. What have you never learned to do?
I know nothing about auto mechanics, I don’t how to play a trombone, figure out how the role lift and thrust play in flight and I’ve never taken the time to find out if Nero ever took violin lessons.
And gravity. I’ve never understood how that works. Or why Bruce Willis still is.