AHS: Cult. Season 7/Episode 3

This episode is called ” Neighbors From Hell” and yep, I’d say so.   More on that in a bit.

Tonight, we’re briefly introduced to a new couple.    She has a severe case of Cleithrophobia, which is a fear of being trapped in confined spaces, with a soupçon  of claustrophobia added for interest.   All this is courtesy of her sadistic father who’d lock  her into a console cabinet next to the old Curtis Mathews floor model.    He is a typical husband wanting to make love to his wife but conventional sexual positions trigger all her phobias.    Well, thanks to the same shrink Ally sees for  clownaphobia,  she’s miraculously cured, so they go home  only to be greeted by a cadre of the same creepy clowns who lock them into coffins, leaned up against the wall, with a spray painted smiley face on it.     The same smiley face on the wall of the Chang’s  house when they were murdered.   Both were neighbors of Ally and Ivy’s,

Next scene:  Ally is dealing with the trauma of having shot and killed Pedro, who arrived at their home with supplies during the blackout, which is still an ongoing problem.   A cop is there and tells her there’s a castle doctrine/stand your ground  law.    Suddenly, the power comes back on .   Apparently, the terror “attack” was just a slight terror “inconvenience”.    It’s never mentioned again for some odd reason which is typical in every AHS episode.    Dangling plotline particles everywhere.

The next scene has our Sapphic couple going back to work at their restaurant and there’s an angry mob of protestors in front of the building angered by the murder of an unarmed Hispanic man, devoted husband and father of three, obviously killed by a white entitled, racist woman.   A news reporter covering the protest calls her “the equivalent of a lesbian George Zimmerman” (The Florida security guard who was no billed after shooting Trayvon Martin).     Tragic event , but the craftily worded moniker for Ally made me laugh.

So, then the gay man and his essentially frigid wife,  the beekeeping creepies who moved in the Chsn’s murder house across the street,  knock on the front door, wearing of all things, sombreros.    Ally answers the door and is immediately berated for her white privilege which entitled her to kill a poor, unarmed Latino, who she saw (as the supposed narrative goes, a murderer, rapist and thief.

Dialog stripped straight from today’s headlines.

Now, Ivy is standing at the door taking all their vitriol. but only REALLY gets steamed when they accuse her of not being a true Progressive. Them’s fightin’ words. She starts yelling back at them they throw Taco Bell coupons at her through the screen door.      Hilarious.

She goes back to the restaurant  and Kai suddenly appears at her car window and tells her that it took courage to kill the man who for all she knew, could have been a threat to her and her family. As for the mob in front of the restaurant?   He told her not to worry, he’ll take care of them.

I guess she believes him because Ally decides to confront the protesters to assure them despite killing Pedro, she’s one of them.    They see her,  surround her car and she screams at them that they’re wrong about her, she believes as they do.   She’s ‘one of them’..     When they ignore her,  she starts cussing at them like a cranked out stevedore.     Then, Kai appears out of nowhere and the mob quietly disbands, just as he promised.

Then then there’s a Craig’s list ad placed indicating an opportunity for a white man to be fellated by a hot and wanton  lesbian couple.      Proof of this?   There’s a portly naked man who answered the add and he’s standing in their living room ready for his perverse treat.       They kick him out.    Then the whacky bee keepers give young Oz, Ivy and Ally’s son, a guinea pig which is a no no for a no pets household.    It’s due to allergies or cruelty or something.     Yet, oddly enough, Ivy is a chef and handles all the butchering at their in-restaurant butcher shop.

There’s a black truck driving slowly in front of their house, emitting a phosphorescent greenish mist.     Like the old DDT mosqito misting trucks from back in the day.    The next morning,  30 birds lay dead in their front yard.      Later on, the black truck emitting the dayglo green mist is back for a repeat performance and Ally makes like the  guy in Tienneman square and stands defiantly in front of truck which doesn’t slow down.   She jumps out of the way and is sprayed with the green stuff and breathes it in, swallows it.      Ivy comes running to her aid and Ally’s nose is bleeding.

Moving ahead for time and my carpal tunnel addled right hand,  the couple and  Oz come home from somewhere only to find a big red spray painted happy face on their front door.    They go inside, just in time to see the the new pet Guinea pig explode in a bloody burst in the microwave.    Ugh!!!    Sooooooo done to death.

Anyway, in a fit or rage, Ally runs out and straight across the street to the whacky couple’s  house accusing them of doing all the terrorizing of her family..   When they tell them about the smiley face spray painted on their door, the frigid wife looks serious and tells them that they’ve obviously  been tagged by the neighborhood killers.   They panic.   And run back home only to find a spray  painted smiley face on the side of the neighbors’ garage door.

Then, the big black trucks comes back.   This time, two men in black galley suits  suits with breathing apparati get out and start to spray their front yard with the green stuff.    Ally freaks and confronts them and demands to know who they are.    “Who Sent You?”,    She then asks if they’re  from Monsanto (the company that  weaponized the chemical defoliant,  Agent Orange used during the Vietnam War) or if they’re there at the behest of Halliburton (Dick Cheney…need I say more???)

She rips off one guy’s  mask and he’s wearing a clown face.    Too much for this clown fearin”  chick and she faints and gets dosed again with the green mist.

They call the same cop who investigated Pedro’s accidental shooting and Ally  frantically tries to convince him that the whacky neighbors are doing all the crazy shit.  Then Oz, is sent a video of Ally in the bathtub with Nanny Wynter sponging  her tenders.   Ivy understandably gets angry and grabs Oz and leaves but not before seeing the gay husband from across the street arrested for waking up next to  his wife in a pool of blood and she is needless to say, very, very dead.

Oz is missing so, they  run back in the house looking for him and blood is everywhere,  and (Surprise!!!) there’s a smiley face painted in blood, this time inside the house.   I’m assuming cop’s blood.

OBSERVATIONS:   This show is rife with left leaning or pure Liberal types from the actors down to the dishwasher in Craft Services.   I mean, this is a Hollywood production after all, but the show actually seems to be mocking the left’s overblown reaction to Trump’s win.   The paranoia, need for safe spaces, white people accusing other white people of white privilege when they both live in close proximity to each other in a lovely, upper middle class neighborhood.     It takes it even further because the gist this season, seems to be all about irrational fears as they pertain to the election, and how they’re contributing to the dissolution of what we once knew as  the comfy,  all familiar American way.

Also, the exterior  of Ally and Ivy’s home looked oddly familiar.  Well, I did some checking AND dig this—-according to the website, TooFab.com, the Mayfair-Richards’ home is the same one where Laurie Strode (Jamie Lee Curtis) babysat Tommy Doyle for most of the movie, Halloween!!!!     And yes, the house still has the balcony above the front door, which serial killer Michael Myers flew off of after being shot by Dr. Loomis at the end of the movie.

As for Kai, who’s  a pinky clutching soul confessor , tell me your fears kind of guy,  also says “have a nice day” at the end of friendly every encounter.       If the purple haze of my youth will cut  me some slack, I do think I believe back  in the early 70’s when the smiley face was everywhere,  it was often accompanied on cards, stickers and  T-shirts with the phrase “have a nice day”.    Interesting, but probably meaningless…..maybe. .    .

Plus, it’s hilarious that clowns have all access pass keys to the homes  of every intended victim and apparently they also have stealth capabilities, along with access to knives, chemicals, video recording equipment, power tools, coffins, spray trucks, more chemicals and unlimited amounts of red spray paint.

So, who’s behind all this shenanigans just three episodes in?    Personally, I think Ivy  possesses a little sociopathy inside that head of hers, plus her body type fits the petite lady clown.    Ans then there’s the  shrink.  He knows all all his all clients phobias (as does Kai for that matter).   So, yeah, I think Ivy  and the shrink are behind it all.

And maybe Paul Ryan, too.

















































AHS Season 6 Episode 2

Well, “My Roanoke Nightmare” continues to entertain…and provoke and remain Swiss cheesy in terms of logic.

It starts off kind of where last week’s show left off, but not exactly.    Last week’s show ended with Shelby is running amuck in the woods in pursuit of Kathy Bates’ character who literally bounced off Shel’s car when she was trying to escape the house.     She gets lost and is confronted by a man with the top part of his head missing;  he sees her and falls to her knees.  The end.

This weeks show starts of with her still lost in the woods but she walks upon a crucifixion or purification  scene in which.  The scalped man is tied and nailed, chest first to  a much larger version of one of those Blair Witch looking twig figurines we we were introduced to last week.      Kathy Bates’ character is the head of this puritanical coven, is it?…. and she has has Igor hunchback counterpart which looked something like Lady Gaga in bloody make up.    And whoever or whatever this person represents she’s egging on Kathy Bates’ urging of these angry, torch welding phantasmas.   He died something illegal with a pig  and the villagers slap on pig’s head (a fresh kill by the looks of it) and  then he’s not crucified, rather large figurine is turned into a spit and the man is burned alive.

Shelby screams, allerting Kathy Bates and company to her presence, a chase ensues and Shelby runs into the driveway and almost into a car, driven by her sister in law, Lee.

Shelby is rushed to the hospital and checked out.  She’s okay. Matt comes to see her; tells her that the cops were called…once again…searched the woods and found nothing.     They are becoming a total pain in the ass for this  local jurisdiction.   Anyway, Shelby still thinks its the local yokel inbreds who placed a low bid on the house during episode one.

Lee decides she wants to see her daughter, Flora.  So the eight year old ones for a weekend visit and of course immediately, befriends a ghost bonnet wearing ghost child named  Priscilla Flora who  during a game of hide and seek at the end of her visit, tells her that she’ll kill everyone in the house, and keep Flora alive until the very ends.  This enrages Isaac Hayes who  has come back from the grave to play Lee’s ex-husband who wants total custody of the child, due to Lees/ boozing fired cop way.  He takes Flora off in a heart wrenching good bye scene….child screaming for her mother, mother screaming for her child.    Then Lee falls off the wagon and drinks all night long.  Matt and Shelby awaken  to the all too familiar sound of glass breaking.   It’s Flora in the dining room just coming off her bender she’s drunkenly broken a bowl.    Everyone looks up and there are knives thrown into the ceiling.  Matt and Shelby assume Lee did that, too, but she denied it.  Matt takes her upstairs to sleep off the rest of it.   She’s awaked a few hours later the image of two 60’s looking nurses staring at her in bed.    She shakes her head.   They’re gone.  Then she hears a noise….runs towards it anyone scared shitless is inclined to do and she sees a bunch of blood pig tails nailed into the wall.  She shakes her head.   They’re gone.  She looks into a mirror and sees the man with the pig head on coming towards  her.  Again, she shakes her head and  he’s gone and apparently Lee is gone too because we don’t see her for a while.    More on Lee in a sec.

Its the middle of the night and Matt and Shelby are sleeping.   we hear a phone ringing.     Loudly.  Shelby sleeps through it, but Matt but go down three flights of stares to answer a desk phone that was outdated in 1985.   On the other end is a woman moaning.  He looks down and sees the phone isn’t even connected to the wall outlet.   Then, the moans start coming from the kitchen.  Matt turns around and sees a residual haunting of when the house was a senior care facility decade earlier.     He sees  are the same two nurses that Lee saw by her bed, that Shelby saw cross the hall in front of her that, that went unmentioned in the last last episode.   They are oblivious to his presence and they stand around a bed with an elderly woman in it, refusing to take her medicine.   One nurse accuses the patient of having a sassy nought so she pulls out a handgun and shoots granny right between the eyes.  This elates the sisters who revel in the fact that the patient’s name was Margaret, so they gleefully spray paint a large M on the wall.

The cops are called.    Nothing is there.  The ugly wall paper chosen to refurbish the house is undisturbed.   Matt, says the officer, had to have been having a vivid dream.

Then the next night, they are awakened once again to the sound of that damn pig.   Shelby and Matt grab his and hers flashlights and head into the wooded acreage that came with the house, in search of a pig.   They get separated and a pig comes out of no where and runs by Matt’s feet and he says nothing.  They meet up once again to find the greasy, dripping, gross remnants of the grilled man….but no Kathy Bates lead villagers.  The cops were called once again , but this time, the cops see the remnants, but they also think its the handiwork of Papa Hayseed, Ishmael Polk and his odd progeny.

Then one afternoon, Matt and Shelby are looking outside and see a pilgrim looking woman standing there.  They of course, run our to see who o what she really is and there’s nothing there, but she was standing on the entrance to a fruit cellar.    What do they do?   Run down the step ladder and into the old cellar, which is oddly free of cobwebs, spiders and or critters.  All they find is a video camera.   They take it to their VCR and play it.  Its an extreme close up of  bearded Denis LO’Hare  portraying a academic and author, namedDr. Elias Cunningham, who lived in the house in order to write a Charles Mansonesque murder mystery, based on a pair of pure sisters who were homicidal sociopaths.  They took pleasure in killing off old people that had become a burden to their families.


Dr. Cunningham explains in the tape that the women only took boarders whose first names could spell out one word M-U-R-D-E-R.    But they hadn’t gotten to the R yet.  It was just MURDE.   And apparently, the five letters couldn’t be covered top by paint, so we see extras placing ugly green floral wall paper over it. The professor on the tape says there are demonic things happening in the house and that he’d been in the fruit cellar for days and didn’t want to step foot back in the house, but somehow, he finds the courage and takes his camera with him.     He walks through the darkened youse, demanding that whatever is in the house show itself, well, it does…in a big way.

Think “The Ring”.   I know….I don’t get it either.

Matt and Shelby freak and call the bank wanting their money back.     A representative comes to meet them .  They accuse him of nondisclosure, regarding specific aspects of the house’s past.  He claims he’s no real estate agent and can’t help them; the house is theirs until they choose to sell.

So, they’re stuck with the house and the pig noises and Kathy Bates who only roasts by night.

Oh yeah and Lee kidnaps her daughter and brings her back to the house.   Really?

There are a couple of other things I should add.    A bloodied meat clever is left in their front door and yet another window is broken.  It takes down a vase filled with flowers in  and mixed with all the flora is a small dirty bonnet….described by the human Flora, who’s new imaginary friend Priscilla said she’d make for her,  IF she helped Priscilla stop.

Stop what, we ask.

Flora  explains “all the blood”.

Later, we learn that Lee has kidnaped Flora and brought her back to the house and the episodes ends with Flora running into the forrest,  at the behest of a ghostly John Smith looking mother fella.      Matt, Lee and Shelby run after her and they find her yellow sweater tied atop a newly de-branched tree….a very tall tree….with no sight of young Flora anywhere.

This episode?  Intriguing to make me look forward to episode 3 next week.

Now, there are still major plot holes, and scary things that happen this couple won’t tell people., much less each other.   I’m finding if I watch this show as a civilian and throw logic out the window one of the few windows unbroken in the house. And don’t I wish I were the window and glass purveyor in that vicinity.    And lastly, we do know that they, whoever they are, are looking to kill someone who’s name begins with an R to complete the word “murder” which lies behind wall paper that’s the easiest to remove in the history of mankind.

As for Lady Gaga character as the Igor character?    Maybe I’m right.   Gaga’s name was featured as a guest star in the closing credits.    Now, I don’t know if that means that she’s there as part of the general cast or if it was specific to this episode, but it was there.