Show Update

Okay, here’s the deal, but read carefully.    This could be a smidge confusing for anyone not as strange  and a much of a broadcast geek as I am

Our new supernatural show, a “Pair O’Normal Gals”, will make its ‘soft’ premier Wednesdsay morning at ten am (CST)., produced my RadioBrave.com and Noisemaker Communications under the auspices of RFC  Media.    Boilerplate,boilerplate, blah and blah.

We’ve had to make a few changes and will now have a soft premier—no guests…..not this time, and the show will be recorded, meaning TaDa!!!—-it isn’t live which means you won’t be able to hear it UNLESS you’re on hold waiting to make a comment.

That’s just the way it is  right now.   We’re working to fix this issue.

So, for the meantime, what we’ll do this Wednesday is talk about the show and we’ll take your calls to discuss scary events in your life and what you might like to hear more of as the show grows and matures.

Start calling the RadioBrave.com studios beginning at ten am, this coming Wednesdsay morning and let us know what scares you and what you want to scare  you in the weeks to come.

Our studio number is 405-510-0370..

And please tell yout friends.   No one does it…..anything …..like Martha Martinez and I can do it.    We’re so tired, bitter and self loathing,  we’re a hoot.   What’s better than hearing a scary story then  breaking the tension with laughter?

Nada, I tell you.  Nada

Once again, that number is 405-510-0370.

Start calling at ten am (CST) and remember, this is the Internet baby,  our ghost stories and guests can come from all over, like strange locales such as Mexico, Guam, Kenya, Thailand…….even Dallas!!

405-510-0370.     So call already.    I know where you live.

 

 

 

 

 

The On Air Light

It goes on again for yours truly.     But not on radio.   That dying entity has no hope and few mourning the process of dying.     Screw terrestrial radio.  .I’m about to enter the realm of the Internet.   It’s a show about the supernatural on the Internet with hopes it’ll soon be a podcast and maybe in 30 years, on some Goodson  and Toddman retrospective.

Confidence is high.

No pressure, right?   This coming Wednesday morning, Martha Martinez and I will sit in one of the newcHouston based RFC Studios to produce a spooky and interesting new program  on a new I-Station RADIOBRAVE.COM.  Our show is called “A Pair O’ Normal Gals”.  Get it?    Cute play on words but there is nothing and never will be anything normal about Ms. M and me.   We’re as broken and fractured as it gets.     Now, that’s pure profit for psycho therapists and tremendous entrainment for listeners.

Ten years , Martha and I ago we cohosted a very popular show on a desersevedly defunct station called “Supernatural Sarurday Night”.    People loved it.   We loved doing it.   We incorporated humor with horror and it was great fun.      The phones were white hot because listeners would call in and talk with amazingly accurate psychics,  UFO hunters, voodoo priests and priestesses, vampires, Bigfooot experts, Santaria practitioners, zombie freaks, and my favorite topic, ghosts.    Lots  and lots of ghosts.    Here’s what Martha has to say about coming back on the air with her old and haggard partner.

“I’m am just about crazy with excitement about the new show coming to Radio Brave…A Pair o’ Normal Gals”. ( Acronym : PONG)

I’ve got little bruises all over my arms from me pinching myself repeatedly over the past few days. Not only is this fantastic opportunity going to be great fun, it will be GLOBAL great fun, and all of you will be part of it! And i just can’t believe i’m getting to work with so many great folks from my (and your) past radio days.”

Marrha’s  last sentence highlights a point about radio, especially Houston radio.   It’s wonderfully incestuous.     When a talented media genius like Pat Fant, who IS Houston broadcasting in my opinion, finds a concept that works and the right people who can make that concept sizzle,  ke keeps them close.    Not unlike me and Martha, and the uber creative Doug  Harris has worked with Fant for decades.     Ocer, the last 30 years has changed the way most people listen to radio.   You don’t not know it, but he has.     He ‘s one innovative cat.

Here’s a snippet of the official press release that’ll explain everything.

“HOUSTON radio veteran DOUG HARRIS has just tecently  launched  a new online music and talk streaming radio station, RADIOBRAVE.COM, in partnership with fellow HOUSTON personalities PAT FANT and CRUZE’s RFC MEDIA. The channel, which will broker time to programmers but will not air infomercials, “overtly political content,” or extended non-English language shows, will be available via TUNEIN as well as its own site. BOBBY “SLAM” DUNCAN will serve as Operations Director.

“Across the country, the weekend lineup of countless AMs, and an appreciable number of FMs, is filled with content from experts and entrepreneurs who are paying for that time,” said HARRIS, who describes the channel as “Mind+Music.” “RADIO BRAVE will offer business category exclusivity, multiple fixed-position listening episodes throughout the week, and an hour of music between shows. That means no back-to-back messages on the same station from people who are unquestionably competitors.”

And PONG we’ll have some fine company also included on RADIO BRAVE.COM during  it’oh so entertaining broadcast day.    It’ll also feature thevHOUSTON FILM CRITICS SOCIETY’s “THE CRITICS CIRCLE,” “Metaphysical Moms” TIFFANIE WILLIAMS ((TRIVIA–I’ve known Tiffanie for years and for you folks old enough to remember Breck Shampoo, this lovely red head was real by God Breck Girl.   AS for me ??    Oh, Hartz called years ago and asked something about me and a flea collar  but, well you know how some things go sometimes).

There’s KERRY WALKER with “JOYRIDE,” “ENERGY RECON” with ALAN LAMMEY, and “CULINARY ADVENTURE” with JOHN DEMERS. Coming in the next few weeks are “BIG IDEAS FOR SMALL BUSINESS,” “IT’S ALL GREEK TO ME,” and “THE FLOWER POWER HOUR.

FANT and HARRIS are also planning a retrospective weekly show about the glory days of Rock KLOL, “THE RUNAWAY RADIO HOUR: THE STORY AND GLORY OF KLOL” “We’re taking hours and hours of archived audio from KLOL’s heyday, mixing it with current interviews with the folks who made it happen, and turning it into a one hour weekly show,” said FANT. “This is catnip to Houstonians who haven’t heard STEVENS AND PRUETT on the radio for over a decade. There are so many stories to be told and fortunately the statute of limitations on most of these offenses has run out.”

Not to mention the fact that Martha and I we were the only  female staffers  to ever work on the Stevens and Pruett Full time.  Oh yeah, sure, there were peripheral, flutter-bys, wanna be’s and groupies, but we were vested members of the show.  As in paid.  And with all in insanity I saw,  I should have been laid a helluva lot more!

Man, what a trip that was!

“Finally,” says Pat Fant. “We have the opportunity to collaborate with creative luminaries Harris and Kendrick to publish a weekly supernatural radio program with a bigger-than-life personality! The subject itself is spellbinding but the interpretation by Kendrick and Martinez throws gasoline on the fire. Listen to “Pair o’ Normal Gals” and try not to tap your foot! It’s that good.”

Damn right, Fant!

PONG  will, eventually be a call in show but our first effort is strictly  for listeners.  Show #1 will feature a psychologist who’ll explain what parapsychology and the paranormal are and aren’t .   You might be surprised to learn that conventional Science isn’t poo-pooing the belief in ghosts quite like it used to.   A better understanding of quantum physics has helped.   Energy gotta go, some where’s boss!!

Plus, we’ll  hear a about scary tales and a host of scary EVP  (electronic voice phenomenon…basically ghost recordings) from members of San Antonio based ghost hunting group.

Kuuuuureeeeeeeeeeeepppppy..

We’re taping this show but you can hear the first broadcast this Thursday at  3:00 PM, then  Saturday  night at 8:00 PM and on Tuesday at 5:00 PM, all on RADIOBRAVE.COM

LIsten  while you wait in line to pick up little Teddy from school or little Chloe from soccer practice.   Listen on your smartphone as you walk, bike, run, or pretend that you’re actually  listening to All Things Condidered”.    Tune in on Saturday night as you prepare to go out for the evening or keep it on as white noise as you contemplate what to do with the bodies.

Trust me, humor and horror go very well together.        Listen end experience how well this mystic marriage works out.

Lastly,  the show is exclusively sponsored by the fabulous folks at The Laurken Group.

Dig it.

 

PS: RFC develops and publishes custom-produced streaming radio stations for brands and events as part of their digital marketing strategy. Client brands including NASA, TuneIn, Coastal Living Magazine, Ford Sync Sound, McDonald’s Flavor Battle, Spec’s, Timewise and many more have entered RADIO 2.0 – A world where the brands own the radio stations, not the radio companies. Learn more at RFCMedia.com.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

.

The World Isn’t A Ghetto

But it can at times, seem like massive section 8 housing.

My mother moved into a lovely brand new assisted living mid-rise apartment two weeks ago.    It was a hellish experience.   The move confused my 85-year-old mother even more so..    She was both prepared  and completely unprepared  at the same time.     It was sad to move her.  Her home was five houses down from mine .   Her old home  is now owned by a family with an 18 year old son who drives one of those huge wheeled trucks  with glass packs, headers and a carbon footprint of 19.5.  The gated enclave in which I lived is chocked full of oldsters.    I was the youngest until the guy from Anerican Graffitti moved in.       And they thought I was a hippie.

As for the move , it reminded me of my parents taking me to college,  everything was different, there were already cliques.   I felt very small and alone.    I think my mother did too.      I mean, imagine it—-you’re standing there in a new environment that while elegant was still scary.   New things for fo an old person is tough.  Changes are gard.  , but she’s meeting new people -and slowly acclimating.     Still, I worry about her.

That’s in part wy I’ve started taking yoga.  Twice a week now starting this week. I don’t love it, though I adore my yogi who’s an absolute doll.      But As iI’ve I’ve been  very stressed lately with family issues, the very distinct possibility of going back on the air with a sshow that’ll  have a global audience.  There was my niece’s  lovely wedding which I officiated.  There’s my mother’ move, my father’s health and an impending move out of state for him    The stock market look like a roller coaster, politics are embarrassing, I thought, “Yoga?   Why not?”

It’s helping my very injured body, but it’s not quite affecting my mind in the ways so many  talk about.       I have a rigidity that concerns me.   It’s the lack of tranquility and peace of mind.   I have it during sessions but the minute I leave, whoop there it is.

I hear about all this groovy  Zen stuff.    I want zen.     Does he take checks?  I’m trying meditation, but quieting my mind seems impossible.  Everything in it sounds like Alvin and the chipmunks and they’re very agitated and fighting with Cindy Lauper and Fran Drescher  for  some reason.     And what’s  worse, their handler, Dave is no where to be found to deal with the nonsense.

Yakety  yak and screeching and banshee-like wailing.   No rest for the weary.

I want to be more relaxed, mindful, selfless, kinder, I want to move at a slower pace, smell flowers   and all that shit, but it’s gonna take some  doing.    I’m tightly wound on my best days.

In closing, I’m trying to convince Pfizer to make a Xanax the width of a Frisbee and as thick as a dictionary that sits in a stand.       I want it placed by the water cooler at work or your favorite chair at home or by your bed.    So, whenever the world tries your last nerve, just go have a couple licks or  chisel off enough to suck on like a Lifesaver or just deep throat the damn thing and swallow as much as you can.

Ah…..just thought of this kind of access calms me down somewhat.

Thet call me mellow yellow…..quite rightly.

Later anxiety.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Laurie Kendrick Back On The Airwaves?

Yeah, it would be weird, literally and figuratively.     Honestly,  not much would get me to go anywhere near a live microphone, ever again ——except for this.

Read on.

Anyone, especially my Houston readers,  remember an old radio show on Supertalk 97.5 called “Supernatural Saturday Night”?       Houston broadcast legend , Martha Martinez and I cohosted the show.    It was funny and entertaining, chocked full of stories about ghosts, UFO’s, vampires,witchcraft, angelic creatures, zombies,  voodoo,chupacabras, strange legends and regional customs, Bigfoot (or would the plural be  Bigfeet??) conspiracy theories, secret societies and  of course psychics who did live on air readings. We even took listeners on a ghost hunt broadcast live  from the haunted Myrtles Plantation in Louisisana.

Well, there are plans in the works to recreate a very similar show,  but that’s all I can say about it right now.

But the problem is, the show needs a sponsor and the rate is outstanding and would be heard globally. Yes, globally. Interested in attaching your name or product to a show that was the highest rated on the station at the time when it went off air in 2007and would be just as popular, if not more so, this go round?       If so, then simply call Houston media mogul, Pat Fant with RFC Media  at 713-256-5144.   He’ll have all th details.

Tell him Laurie sent you,

This new show would be as it was –but even better.   Hilarious,smart, interesting , intriguing and at times, down right scary,  all the creepy stuff about all the the creepy stuff that go bump on the night.     Belief in any of our topics would be your call, of course.    It’s just Martha and I find all these topics interesting and extremely entertaining—-real or not.      And we know a lot of people who share our interests.    The show was a hit then.   It will be again.

Listeners could  call in in from all over. Guests would be on the show from all over.   Imagine a Ukranian witch-zombie hunting seamstress!!      Want to laugh again?   Then please be willing to sponsor our future undertaking.

HELP MAKE AMERICAN AIRWAVES GREAT AGAIN!!!!    IT’ll be HHHHUUUUUUUGGGGEEEE!!!!!

Get your checkbooks out and call Pat Fant 713-256-5144.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Insomnia

i hate this bitch.

If personified, I would’think she would look a lot like Lainie Kazan.     No offense to the singer/actress, that’s just who I imagine the person who keeps Mr. Sandman away from asminisistriting those wondrous slumber crystals in my eyes, would look like.   She slaps his hands,  head buts him, kicks him  in the shins…maybe even the figs.     Insomnia is an extremely talented ball buster.   Morpheus fears her and Im the victim

I haven’t really slept normally in my life.  I worked odd hours for 30 years.  2:00 am was breakfast, lunch was five hours later..    Hapy Hour was anytime, every time….all the time.

Ive been out of the business for almost four years now and still, can’t sleep normally—-not without big Pharma.     I’m thankful for 24 hour TV, restaurants, and grocery stores,  but I rarely take advantage of any of those things.     I’m 57.     I’ll travel the world alone, but walking into a darkened,lonely grocery store parking lot at 3:00 AM scares me.        Not that any perp would want to kidnap a cranky,  middle aged mesomorph.      Still, you can never be too careful.

And while we’re on the subject, I turn 57 tomorrow….Friday…..April  22nd.      Birthday wishes are welcomed and maybe even words of encouragement.

Here’s why—i didn’t have a pleasant menopause.  Ma Nature was vindictive.     I retained  water like a reservoir, ate anything  that not coated in lead and in combination with some pills I’m taking at the time that made me crave carbohydrates like a lab rat, So blew up.     My weight has since risen and fallen, depending on just bad a break up was (and they always were), but something happened the other day that made me realize time to get in shape is now.

I was at the grocery store  the other day and the parking lot was crowded and I had to park further back than normal.   I started walking toward the front door and got this feeling that someone was walking close behind me.  As, in, invading  my personal space.   I live in a small bedroom city of San Antonio (the very definition of what flight out of SA) and while,the crime rate is very low, th city isn’t without its minor criminal element.

So, I started walking faster…..my follower started walking faster.    I’d move to the right–he would too.   I was starting to panic.  I had more than a $100 in grocery money in a nice purse and cringed at the thought of  losing both.   And I font know martial arts or have any self defense skills—-other than being able to vomitbat will.

So, I decided to grow an extra pair of ovaries and stop to see who this was and what he wanted.     So, I turned around and saw no one.      Not a sole was in 30 feet of me.

Turns out  the big dangerous, menacing criminal was just my butt.     It was disconcerting to say the least, that my ass is the size of a would be purse snatching-rapist-kidnapper.

The diet begins today.      Yoga classes, walking and aqua aerobics, eating healthy—the works.

But that’s all for now,   I’ve been up for 28 hours now and getting a little loopy.   I just  walked by a mirror and saw OJ and Charlie  Manson in hot pursuit.

Lee Hatvey Oswald was in my fridge.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

som

it’s  not without

 

Instagram Crackers

Hate Facebook but own an assload of stock in it.     I’m not stupid.

And a blog is fine, Twitter is okay but I like Instagram.     It lets me be more obnoxious. So, while this blog will continue and Twitter is still on occasional go to technical status, so Instagram Is my world and welcome to it.      I go by Laurlandia.     Everything else even remotely close to myname was already taken..

Anyway, it’ll be a melange of hoot, photos, politics, deviant possibilities, truth, lies,  regrets, hopes, dreams, rants, posturing, bitterness, glimpses of joy, style, fashion, home decor, toenails, art, my furry children, existentialism, zeitgeist, harrowing stories of even more failed  relationships, dysfunctional family life, growing older, finding weird Middle Age hair in even wierder places, neglecting terrestrial radio, famed Jewish  athletes and aspects of my existence that are both smile and cringeworthy.

You know, light reading.

Enjoy!

Tap on Laurlandia below be transported to a place of wonder with no other selfies.

Promise.

The Icing Man Commeth

As in a man icing a birthday cake.

Yes, the old Laur will have traipsed Ms. Buck’s ‘Good Earth’ for 57 years.   Hard to believe.   It’s been an interesting  57 jam  packed years filled with amazing life experiences so incredibly groovy and so horrible, they could reanimate  Buddy Ebsen.

And some years could’ve inspired Dante.

Good and bad were and are always present,  just at different times for different  purple.

I keep getting asked what I want this year.      My answer is nothing.    Im  reminded  that everyday I spend  above ground is a treat and I am grateful.     And I want other things like global  love, world peace , equality,  no more profiteering from war and all the other typical Miss America Q&A response shit.    But my passion for al these things are waning.   Im hardly as passionate about any of it as I used to be.   I mean, I’m not willing to burn the flag, my haggard bra  or my AARP card in protest.     I protest with my wallet now.   For example, If I don’t like how little Dole pays its pickers, I don’t buy their pineapples.

And I used to think college protestors who burned the ROTC building or overtook the dean’s office were cool.  Today, I think they’re criminals.    To have youthful idealism is womderful, but keep it within a reality  based perspective.   Everything must change.    Like elongated boobs that were once taught and perky but  now hold a tray of canapes. They’ve changed.    Everything changes.    Life is about change and how we changed with the changes forced upon us.is

My whole family consists of pre-Clinton Democrats.      They aren’t now.     I used to be a blond.   The every increasing streaks of grey  amid the dark roots prove I’m not that not that much of a liar..     My tolerance has changed.     And I’m now far more confrontational.     If I see an ininjustice, I’ll say something.   If one is perpetuated against me, God help the perpetrator.  If warranted, I’ll use what few good bones I have left left in my leg aim directly at the crotch.    Any crotch..      A grocery cart rolled into my car recently.   You know that  plastic sign in the side insisting that all children be” carefully strapped” in  seats??

The cart now has a huge ding between the reo ‘Ps’.

As for turning 57, my brain is now taking orders from my body more than my brain,     I had a nasty car accident 27 years ago and broke 11 bones, so my brain gets overridden quite a bit.    Moving really isn’t all that easy and the accompanying chronic pain is no picnic  but if strong enough, you learn to live with your newfound abilities..

So….I guess what I’ll do my BD do is wake up that morning, take a post wake up nap, scratch whatever  itches—-bathing will  be based on a coin flip, check FOX News to see who blew what up, then go my almost 86 year old  mother’s house and stare at her third and final caesarean  section scar for 57 seconds as she reminds me how painful my birth was.    Her memory wanes.   I keep telling her she did not have me vaginally.  She insists she did and seems to recall the spinal block  injection that numbed everything below her waist was just a mosquito bite.

I’ll just sit there and agree with her, then make an apology for my painful birth she never felt,  but that’ll fall  on deaf ears.     As in literal deaf ears.

Then I hope I go back to my house sans people trying to hide behind furniture to surprise me, then I’ll light a votive candle and make the same 51 year old birthday wish  I always make.   It won’t come true, but after 57 years  it’s become a habit.   I can always hope.

Look, I know this makes me out  you be a cynic,  pessimistic and  jaded.   Don’t get me wrong.   Life is okay.    I go out early on clear Central Texas morning and see stars that I just know are looking back at me and only me.     I’l be thankful that while my boobs a do look WWII issue German hand grenades, they’re both healthy.   Ill smile because I’m NOT a mother of five in Mexico who struggles to feed her children.    Then I’ll smile even bigger becsuse I can  write a check to a charity that can help her her get all the food  she needs.

So  yeah, , I’ll 57 in a less than week.    Sure I’ve hardened;  gotten older, colder and in the process of being happy to be bored, perfectly ok with being alone, even being more intolerant of certain things, I’ll,be okay,   All those things, as unpleasant as they might be, means I’m alive.

But you know what?   On second thought, I do want something, but good damn luck trying to wrap it in a box, because all I want is some time back.     I want the time….just enough time to express my gratitude for all the things and people in my life.

And for all the things and people I’ve lost and will soon be losing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

is,

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

grateful