The Royal Wedding

Why this union between Mr. Windsor and that Middleton girl fascinates me is beyond me.

It’s going to be a huge tax burden on an already taxed British public, yet even the most loyal of royal haters are thinking, “My, she is pretty isn’t she!”.

And she is.  

Kate Middleton fascinates me all by herself.  No one knows that much about her other than  she’s a commoner and one who’s garnered his attention for all these years.  Her parents sell party favors and were both in the airline business at one time.   She’s the oldest child and graduated from St. Andrews and was, at one time, something of a field hockey hot shot.  

William is old hat, plus he looks like a terribly typically British man, with pasty, white skin and  large and  even whiter teeth and a permanent (and ever-expanding) flesh-colored yarmulke on the crown of his head. He was once cute, but that faded like our interest in anything related to Fergie.   

But Kate?  She’s soemthing.  She’s lovely and even though she’s thin-lipped and lean to the point of being virtually contourless body-wise, she is undeniably “eye candy” in every sense of the phrase and as far as her looks go,  she makes her late mother-in-law look plain.  Sorry, but she does.   In my opinion,  Diana was cute–and stayed cute, even in the latter years when she got style savvy.   But as far as looks go, she wasn’t in the same league as her soon to be daughter-in-law.

Even so, I wonder what Diana would say to Kate if she were alive today and Kate asked her for advice?  I would imagine Diana would encourage her to remain true to herself and pursue that truth in whatever direction she needed it to go: whether it was towards Buckingham Palace or as far away from it as she could get.  Diana had trouble in the palace and Diana came from a very blue blooded aristocratic family with some royal lineage.   She halfway knew what to expect and she still failed miserably in the marriage, which really, was to the entire family as a whole.    I think that’s what happens when you marry royalty.  You marry the whole family and all the lineage and crap.    Maybe that’s why commoners don’t do well when they try to mix in–Fergie, Diana, that Mark guy that Princess Anne married and what about the marriage of the youngest Windsor?  Prince Whozits?   What’s his name?  All I can envision in my mind is a head filled with Chicklet sized teeth.   Anyway, is he still married?

Well, for some reason, because of Kate’s countenance, I get this feeling she’ll handle life in a royal fish bowl much better than her late mother in law.   And that means getting alone better with all of her inlaws.   I don’t see Kate and Liz waking up early to play croquet and downing Tequila shooters at Sandringham any time soon, but I think she’ll have far less trouble.   Kate just seems more together; more confident…smarter, wiser and certainly more sophisticated and more experienced in the ways and means of life and living.  I don’t foresee any marital strife above and beyond what exists in any marriage.   But Prince Harry?   He’s the Princess Stephanie of the Windsor household.   From him, I expect more drunken brawls, hijinks that will cause international incidents, several wives, even more mistresses and a divorce or two tainting his royal curriculum vitae.

They might be rich, but they are a tacky, tawdry lot which might be part of the reason for my fascination.   I do loves me some hot messes and the royals is that..and more.

therefore,  I will wake my non-royal ass up early this Friday morning to watch decadence played out in chiffon and circumstance at St. Paul’s.  London and Britannia will be all a twitter and providing my Ambien has worn of,f  I will (more than likely),  be blogging live with my observations on the wedding of the decade.   I’ve never blogged live before, but then again, never before since I started blogging has there been an event that warranted such regular inputs of sarcasm and satire.

So join me here, won’t you, this Friday morning at 4am (CST)  for the ultimate Windsor knot–the wedding of Prince William and Kate.

Miss Middleton,  if you’re nasty.