AHS season finale

Another Season of AHS Bites The Dust

Well, it’s over.

And it ended as it began but I for one, still have about 148 questions.

It’s the present day and we meet Lana and her new sapphic squeeze, an opera singer or performer of some sort, as she’s being interviewed  by a TV news crew and Lord, did the make-up people work on her face, to give her a necessary seventy or eighty year old look.   Apparently, she’s an accomplished author with six–count ’em–six best selling novels and not only that, she’s apparently, a TV personality too;  an investigative reporter and host of her own  TV show, you know the kind–that  of the crime solving genre.  She’s also about to be honored at the Kennedy Center.

Apparently, her ambitious need to expose Briarcliff as the hell hole it is, is what catapulted her to such success.     The expose began as a documentary.  She and a camera crew sneak into Briarcliff courtesy of that secret tunnel that Sister Satan introduced to at the very beginning.     We hear how she demanded to see Sister Jude who according to Lana tells us, is still there, lo those many years later.

We treated to a scene of Lana and company entering Jude’s cell, dark and dank and dirty, and on what was once a bed–I think–sits a clump of humanity with wilder than wild hair.   The camera lights prove it’s Jude, who was left in Briarcliff and forgotten.   Jude was the only source left that could prove how the Church (when it owned the asylum)  had looked the other way with regards to mistreatment and scientific experiments.

But is it really Jude?  Nah, that was either Lana’s poetic license…OR…..really bad editing.

We learn that Kit actually rescued Jude and took her home to live with him and his two kids.  The Sister Wives are no longer part of the equation.   His mulato wife killed grace with a couple of ax whacks in the back.    Jude’s name is now Betty Drake.   Kit said he did it–took Jude into his home–as his way of forgiving and forgetting all that crap that happened to him at Briarcliff.    Taking care of Jude, he felt, was his redemption.

He conveys to Lana that it was rough going for a while.  After a lengthy detox, Jude was sedated for years.   She’d forget where she was from time to time and think she was back at Briarcliff and scream and carry on, yelling at Kit’s kids mostly.  She couldn’t understand why there were kids around her.  There was no children’s ward at Briarcliff.

Years later while in the midst of a swing dance lesson, Jude develops a bloody nose.    I’m thinking leukemia    We see her on her death bed, whispering life lessons to Kit’s kids.

To the son: Don’t take shit from the man.

To the daughter:  Never let men dominate you.

The kids are sent out of the room and Jude sees the Angel of Death making her last appearance in the corner of the room.   There she is, decked out in black, wings fully extended  and all puckered up to give Jude that final kiss that’ll take her up, up and away.

Or down, down, down, if you believe the Old Testament.

So, by 38 minutes into the season finale, Jude dies and we’re whisked back to present day.  Lana accomplished her goal and closed down Briarcliff.     She decides to take on the Monsignor–now a Cardinal in New York.   She says he knows about Dr. Arden, the experiments…the cruelty, etc., and we learn that he offs himself in a bathtub.    Slit wrists which are oozing life, turn the bathwater to a deep crimson.

Lana then tells the reporter that  she carried Bloody Face’s child to full term and gave him up for adoption.   His name is Johnny.    We’ve met him before.  Dylan McDermott’s character is genetically programmed to grow up to be the be Son of Bloody Face and all that that implies.   His made an effort to pick up where his father left off.    We saw evidence of that.

Anyway, Lana continues on with the interview and expresses regret for giving him up, but felt she had no other options.    And wouldn’t you know, Johnny seemingly part of the  camera crew.   He even hands her some water during a break in the interview.    Somehow, she knows it’s her son.    After the camera crew leaves, she gets up to make herself a drink and knows he stayed behind. She  implores him to finally come out of hiding to ‘get this thing over with.”  She knows he’s about to kill her.  Johnny is a psychotic sure, but he’s also an angry whack job, which never bodes well.    He was a screwed up kid, in and out of Juvie and now here he is, 48 years old and wanting to whack his mother for giving him away and killing his father.

He pulls a gun on her, but she turn the tables and sweetly convinces Johnny that he’s not only a part of his maniacal father, but he’s also a part of he That means he has at least half the capacity to be a decent human being.     He relinquishes the gun and she takes it away from him, only to point it at his forehead and shoots.


Like father, like son.

The show segues back to the very first show, when Lana was desperately trying to gain access to Briarcliff to get an exclusive with Bloody Face.  She gained access to Jude’s office through a ruse.    She claimed she wanted to do a fluff piece on the asylum’s bakery which apparently makes a dandy bread.   Jude escorts her to the front door after learning that the all she really wanted was an interview with Bloody Face who was supposed to be brought to Briarcliff for mental assessment.   She reminds Lana how difficult life can be for a woman with lofty goals and ambitions.  This was 1962.    The last thing we hear; the last thing we see are these two women facing each other with glares that had laser-like intensity.    This was how the first scene with Lana and Jude ended 51 years ago, when Jude realized Lana only wanted to interview Bloody Face.   Jude tells her that whenever you look into the eyes of evil, evil looks back at you.

Then, Lana leaves and Jude turns around as the  camera pans to the face of  a shiny, glossy statue of the Virgin Mary which stands in Briarcliff’s foyer.   The head is tilted as if glancing in the nun’s direction.    Gee, no hidden anti-Catholic sentiment there, huh?

I suppose it’s safe to say that Lana’s stint in the snake pit that was Briarcliff didn’t turn Lana into some cold, emotionless bitch with ambitions large enough to choke a whale.   Lana entered Briarcliff that way and walked through its doors unchanged.    Sister Jude recognized that right off the bat and in her special, ‘no holds barred’ manner, told her so.    She wasn’t predicting Lana’s life per se, but she certainly called it.   Lana didn’t have what Jude or Kit had:   at least a small period in life where there was peace and normalcy.

If I’m right, then I’ll give the writers a rate-a-record score of 79 for adding a smidge of pathos, but was it enough?   Not for me, then again, I’ve come to expect a certain shoddiness with AHS..

Characters were killed off too soon.   There were more holes in the plot line than in Bonnie and Clyde’s ambushed car.   We didn’t get to spend much time in Johnny’s head.   I could’ve used an episode delving into all of his angst.    What about that evil little girl who killed her friend and then her whole family?    What happened to the crazy ass serial masterbator????  And Kit’s alien space babies?    The ones that were so ‘special’?     One grew up to be a doctor, the other a lawyer.    Hhhhh’mmmmm, do those two occupations in this day and age really make them all that ‘special’?   Well, for a Jewish mother, maybe……

Lana was the only major character who survived.   Sister Satan and Dr. Arden were burned to death in the asylum’s crematorium.  Threadson was shot in the head several episodes back.    The Monsignor/Cardinal committed suicide. As far as I’m concerned, all three deaths happened prematurely and allowed a season finale that was anti-climatic.   In the finale, Jude died of cancer and so did Kit, although he was abducted by the same bright white light that became an obscure third or fourth level character on the show this season.   Why wasn’t this connection to space beings expounded  upon?  Why did those space freaks murder and mutilate all those women?    What happened to Pepper the Pinhead???     And why couldn’t we learn more about the forest dwelling  critters that Arden created?   And soooooo much more could’ve been done with the satanic angle, but nooooooooo!!!!!!

Season two jumped the shark so many times that poor thing’s dorsal fin was sheared off.

Anyway, I wasn’t as colossally disappointed as I was when season one ended.  And while I have questions, I think  that the unscripted dangling participles that I swat away like slimy tentacles are supposed to make me  come up with my own answers; my own conclusions.   Whenever I encounter endings like this in books, TV shows, movies and such,  I hearken back to a press conference I attended back in 1993.  girl coat

Directing wunderkind, Steven Spielberg came to Houston on a press tour promoting his boffo hit, “Schindler’s List.”     This involved filling a theater with local   high school kids, have them watch the movie then he would take their questions about the flick.   All members of the press could do was watch and at least in my case, learn.

One astute young woman asked Herr Spielberg about the little Jewish girl in the Warsaw ghetto who had worn the pinkish red coat;  the only bit of color in the black and white film.   Her question focused on the coat color and what that  was supposed to mean.

He responded without missing a beat, “It means whatever you need it to mean.”

That day, I learned that poetic license was a tool that the story teller could use at his or her discretion and it’s one that sometimes, an audience member has to employ as well.

scoobydoo_02And in spite of my many criticisms, I can’t wait for  Season 3.

Seriously, I can’t.

As for plotlines, I’m thinking a family of vampires moves into an abandoned but still ‘hot’ nuclear power plant and the fun begins when genetic mutations run amok while angry neighbors who complain, mysteriously after a  mod painted van called “The Mystery Machine” filled with four hips kids including one beatnik lookin’ cat named Shaggy who pals around with his  giant, snack eating, running in place while bongos play, talking dog with a speech impediment, arrives on the scene.

And here I’ll be at my keyboard poised at the ready in the  minutes after the  finale ends, closing the curtain on yet another fakakta AHS season.  That’s when and where  I’ll hold writers/creators Ryan Murphy and Bryan Falchuk  responsible for series of shows that leave more questions unanswered, throw logic out the window and could have been/should have been so much better.

And because of that, I’ll fully expect one or both to appear on camera and admit that they would’ve gotten away with it too, if it hadn’t been for those meddling kids!!!!!

One Additional AHS Note

American Horror Story


Attention American Horror Story fans: hope you didn’t get too attached to the Harmon mansion and most of its inhabitants. Creator Ryan Murphy told reporters today that season 2 of the hit FX drama will begin with a new locale and a (mostly) new cast.

That means fans may — or may not — get another fix from stars like Jessica Lange, Dylan McDermott, and Connie Britton when the drama returns next year. “Some of them will be coming back,” Murphy teased during a teleconference today. “I’m talking to several of them and we’re in negotiations. There will be familiar faces, but there will also be new faces on the show.”

Murphy hopes to announce the new storyline and cast in February.

Should some of the first season actors return for another round of AHS episodes, they’ll be “playing completely different characters, creatures, and monsters,” Murphy added. ”It’s a really fun idea to do an anthology show. That’s the way it was designed from the beginning. Every season, there will be a new haunting and we’ll have a new overriding theme.”

The drama’s unique mission has made it easier to attract top talent, Murphy acknowledged. He’s heard from many film stars who like the idea of not having to commit to so many seasons. “When we met with Connie, Dylan, and Jessica, they were interested because the story had a beginning, middle and an end. Connie just came off of Friday Night Lights and was not interesting in going back into the grind of a 5-year commitment. When I told her she only had to do a 1-year run, she was excited by that.”

Added Murphy, “I would have all of them back in a heartbeat to play someone completely different.”

But the mansion is definitely history, Murphy admitted. The set was already struck to move “onward and upward.” So long, original craftsman fixtures and solid oak floors!

The AHS finale on Wednesday averaged 4.4 million viewers, making it the most watched episode of the series. The show is currently tied with TNT’s Falling Skies as the No. 1 new show among adults 18-49 this year. It’s already the highest-rated first season show in FX’s history.

FX notes that AHS performed 50 percent better than Murphy’s last creation, Nip/Tuck.


Okay…fine…new cast…cool..I can handle that,  but if you want to keep good ol’ Laurie Kendrick in your roster of fans, you’ll have to get some better writers next season.   Otherwise, I’ll turn this blog around and we’ll go straight back home.

Most of you agree with me about Wednesday night’s finale:   Suckarama.

Others loved it.   To each his own, but I can’t for the life of me figure out how anyone who watched all 12 episodes could have even remotely liked the crap we were offered as a season finale.    All season long I had this feeling that writers just kind of through things in willy nilly with little to no forethought.   Certain aspects of storylines were left dangling like errant participles and never addressed again.  

Such as:  

  • Why did Ben sleepwalk?
  • In the first several episodes, what was his fascination with fire? 
  • What was it about the House in particular that imprisoned the spirits who died there?  
  • What what was the weekly obsession with babies??
  • Where was Thaddeus?   I thought he was supposed to play a major role in the finale.   What was he doing?   Hungrily killing possums in the basement for 70 minutes? 
  • Couldn’t they have delved into Moira’s age-related shape shifting?    
  • Why did Tate have to dress up in the Latex onesy?  
  • What happened to that little white dog of Vivien’s?    We haven’t seen the pooch since Hayden pretended to microwave it in Episode 5.
  • In the final scene, only Hayden and Tate are on the metaphorical outside looking in Harmons as they decorate the Christmas tree.    Why were they the only ones present?  Could the other 22 ghosts in Murder House be Jewish??
  • And lastly, will Billie Dean, the Lee Press On Psychic, EVER get her Lifetime TV deal????? 

In the finale, which was only 70 minutes in length…48 if you allow for commercials…there were so many opportunities to explain so much.   The way it was shot…the way it was written made  me think the AHS team of writers woke up last Friday morning and collectively thought, “Oh shit!!   We’ve got a season finale to write and five days to do it!   YIKES!!!”

The finale was supposed to be 90 minutes long.   That means 20 minutes was edited out .   If what we were offered was the best they could come up with, can you imagine the crap that has to be lying on that editing room floor???? 

And there were all the oddly biblical names in the finale, too.   There were two Michael’s in the show.   The Ramos kid…the skateboarding zealot with enough teenage age angst to produce ten Clearasil commercials, was named Gabriel, an archangel who typically serves as a messenger to humans from God.   And there were two Michael’s.   Mr. Ramos was named Miguel, Spanish for Michael and of course, the Constance’s ill-gotten demon seed grandchild was also named Michael,  who was one of the principle  archangels.   He’s viewed as the field commander of the Army of God which battled Satan’s forces.   Ain’t that interesting irony?

We also learned a smidge about ghostly protocol.  The ghosts of Murder House can only be seen if they CHOOSE to be seen.  So that meant with 24 ghosts in the House, there was an awful lot of spectral  traffic under one roof.  

I hated that last scene in which the now happy and functional Harmon’s and Moira are happily decorating the Christmas tree.   In death they’ somehow found a unity and tolerance that they couldn’t in life.     Suddenly, Viv and Ben are in love again and Violet is angst free.   The only cuttin’ she wants to do is on a rug.  She’s happy.   The whole family hangs the ornaments and exchange happy glances…even Violet smiles (Violet never smiles) and had she hopped off that tree decoratin’ ladder and uttered a hearty, “God Bless us…everyone”,   I swear I would have spewed forth a projectile vomitous flow,  the force  and mass of which hasn’t been since the Vesuvian eruption in 79 AD.

And what about that tree which Ben said he cut down himself….I’m assuming it had to be a tree from somewhere on the property.   Since it was on the property and cut down on the property, meaning it also died on the property, guess it will never be allowed to turn into mulch.

Merry Christmas, ya’ll.    I’ll be posting a very special holiday post tomorrow.  

Thanks for your love and support and readership this year.   I appreciate every time you ever dot commed me. 

American Horror Story: Season Finale Synopsis & Review


It took 12 episodes,  one home invasion, two rapes (Viv’s and the dentist who ‘drilled’ the Black Dahlia while sedated…or rather, while dead), one kidnapping and dismemberment, one overdose, a crazy and manipulative neighbor, a shape shifting maid, the magic of the word “Croatoan”,  one milk eye, a gay couple with the pithiest comebacks,  a request for a grand to cover head shots,  Hume Cronyn’s basement dwelling Doppelganger,  24 ghosts and me running to the computer to look up the spelling of  “heteropaternal superfecundation” to get here, but we got here. 

It’s over….done….kaput.   

American Horror Story’s first season ended way too open-ended.  Ben joins his family in eternal bliss courtesy of the ghosts of the home invaders.   Death has united The Family Harmon in ways they never could have achieved in life.      He’s hung from chandelier….and very early on, too.

And when a  mirror image family (the Ramos’) moves into the House months after that whole birth death incident,   Ben and Viv persuade the Mrs. and Mrs. to leave.   You see, they’re  contemplating having a baby because their angry, angst ridden son Gabe (whose Violet with a penis)  is about to go to college and they want to avoid empty nest syndrome,.  They do this courtesy of a little performance art in the evil basement.    Ben is in the Rubber Suit and has attacked the hot, but zoftig reddish- haired Latina in the master bedroom .  His goal is to scare her.   Well, he does and she runs out of the bedroom screaming and at every turn, runs into this ghostly tour de force (including the exterminator).  All the “good /innocent” ghosts band together to scare the crap out of the Ramos’ .   Meanwhile Miguel, has already started sleepwalking and ends up in the kitchen, feeling up all six gas burners…lit and on high.     He snaps to.–he wakes up just in time to see The Black Dahlia’s corpse severed in half (guess she’s one of the good ghosts..defined by how you died.   if you were a victim and murdered by some A-hole, you were good.   Although that principal can’t apply across the board for whatever reason.  Larry killed Hayden, but she’s still an asshole-even in death.). 

Anyway, Miguel  hears his teddy clad wife scream down in that damn basement.  He runs to her aid.  They’re scared but there’s room to intensify the fear factor.  The ultimate  convincer?  Viv stabs Ben still wearing the rubber gimp ensemble.    Viv literally guts him and says, she’s been wanting to do that for so long.   Then Ben pulls out a gun and shoots her in the head and says the same thing.   They fall on the floor dead for a second or two, then resurrect by telling the Ramon’s this is what will happen to you.  NOW GO!!!

And they do which means Marcie the Racist Realtor has to sell the House at a further reduced cost.    Her commission must be in cents at this point.

In the finale there are flashbacks and flash forwards.  Constance is able to take the baby from a very possessive Hayden when Travis sneaks up from behind and slits her throat.   That only incapacitate the dead for a second or two, but  long enough for her to do a baby grab and once he’s out of the House, he’s safe.  None of the evil ghosts who want him can leave the House to come get him. 

Also in the finale, Tate comes to term with his misdeeds.  While he doesn’t seem overtly sorry for murdering as many people as the Khmer Rouge; he does acknowledge that he has,  which I guess in Ghostdom, can be considered progress.


It becomes obvious that Constance got the bad baby;  the bad seed—Tate’s taintedness,if you will,  but I think that’s the one she wanted.  

She’s gone to “the beauty parlor’ and in an award-winning performance she stares into the  mirror and confesses her youthful wishes to be a star and of her dreams which were turned to nightmares by tragedy after tragedy.    Her hair dresser clings to her every word and practically extend a lit Bic lighter n the air to extend her fanatic appreciation.   Constance just smiles and says she believes that every loss,  every tragedy was meant to prepare her role  as  mother/protector/guidance counselor/ clean up woman to this ‘remarkable” baby boy who’s destined for greatness.

Wonder if Michael’s middle name is “Adolph”?

Constance returns home from the salon and enters the house having a one-sided conversation with her nanny.      The trail of blood leading to young Michael’s bedroom (that’s his name) explains why there’s no response.   When she enters the bedroom she sees the crumpled corpse of the nanny, throat slit ..blood pooling underneath her and Little Michael sitting in a rocking chair…bloodied  hands….blood all over his face…bloody prints all over the chair and he’s smiling fiendishly.   Constance bends down and with a look of contained pride, cups his little  bloody mug in her hand and says with a smile, “What am I going to do with you?”

And that’s it.     The lump sum of 12 episodes.

What a rip off.   And a rip off on many, many levels.    This is like being excited about finally taking that vacation you’ve been anticipating for months.   You finally get to head to the airport, but trip is already plagued with problems before you’ve even backed out of the driveway.

The show didn’t last 90-minutes as touted and it certainly wasn’t gory or scary.   And what questions did it answer???   For me,  not a one.   The Harmon’s will haunt the House along with the bevy of ghouls and engage in a civil war between good and evil that’ll continue for perpetuity.  Which most assuredly means a new family in Season Two, but of all the characters on this show,  I would imagine Constance will return next season with Young Michael even more sinister.  His murderous DNA more finely honed.  But I would think the storyline would demand that Constance would take Damian Jr. and move to another locale.   I mean, she’d have to.   She’s surrounded by so many gruesome deaths.   Cops are already suspicious and now she’s raising little Chucky Manson on her own, she’ll need to around new people.  God knows there are people all over the country primed for a good killing.   She’s got to give Baby Michael what he wants.   You can’t kill ghosts and besides, the House is tried.  It’s been done to death. 

I’m also disappointed that Thaddeus didn’t rear his ugly 90-year-old head in this episode.   The creators said he would be featured prominently.   LIARS!!!!    And we never met Constance’s fourth child. 

I feel dry-jacked.

I really would have preferred an ending that was more strange and even more implausible.   This one ended to happy; too neat and way too tidy.   I wanted revelations;  gasp inducing shockers such as learning  Constance was actually  Ben’s long-lost mother.  Or Tate would show his true colors and pull a Pazuzu, the demon from “The Exorcist” and present himself as such.    I would like the whole family to have died while driving cross-country is some horrible wreck on Route 66 and their life in the House was a metaphor for how they must adapt to their deathly situations.  reconciliation can only happen by saying goodbye to people and things they once knew and loved in their lives.     Death by virtue of no brain or heart function is really, just part of the process.

 That said, the  creators could have done a helluva lot more and made the finale far more compelling and suspenseful with tons of those incredible “Damn!!!!” moments, but they didn’t.    

And when Constance was earning an Emmy nomination with that soliloquy of hers in that salon chair, I fully expected her to tell that captivated comb jockey that  as a young actress hopeful, she’d sold her soul to the devil…or at the very least, dated him.

Or an agent…

And that would  have explained everything and left me feeling somewhat satisfied.  Well, that and if  the following questions been answered:  what’s with the House?  I mean let’s get specific.  What’s the genus behind its power?   When did it begin and why?   What’s the obsession with babies and why is it that  ghosts never mess with Constance????

None of these questions were answered.   All we learned is that the Harmon’s can decorate a pretty Christmas tree and there are  make up and stylists, along with many wardrobe changes in death.

This was a lame…lame..lame ending and it started going downhill the minute the Ramos’  hopped in their 4×4 and drove off into the night,  in their best “The Amityville Horror” escape impersonation.   

Three words  can sum it up:  hokey…bland…and anti-climatic, especially when  compared to most of the previous 11 episodes.  If I were in a theater I’d demand my money back. 

I think Brad and Ryan screwed the pooch with this one, Kids.    I think mistakes were made.   This should have/could have been so much better; so much more intriguing.   They ended it with schmaltz.  No fires…no explosions…not even in great lines that helped give this show is comedic edginess.

But despite my feelings of deflation, I’ll watch Season 2,  but if truth in advertising has to apply, then this finale, should have been  “American Error Story”.