Insomnia

i hate this bitch.

If personified, I would’think she would look a lot like Lainie Kazan.     No offense to the singer/actress, that’s just who I imagine the person who keeps Mr. Sandman away from asminisistriting those wondrous slumber crystals in my eyes, would look like.   She slaps his hands,  head buts him, kicks him  in the shins…maybe even the figs.     Insomnia is an extremely talented ball buster.   Morpheus fears her and Im the victim

I haven’t really slept normally in my life.  I worked odd hours for 30 years.  2:00 am was breakfast, lunch was five hours later..    Hapy Hour was anytime, every time….all the time.

Ive been out of the business for almost four years now and still, can’t sleep normally—-not without big Pharma.     I’m thankful for 24 hour TV, restaurants, and grocery stores,  but I rarely take advantage of any of those things.     I’m 57.     I’ll travel the world alone, but walking into a darkened,lonely grocery store parking lot at 3:00 AM scares me.        Not that any perp would want to kidnap a cranky,  middle aged mesomorph.      Still, you can never be too careful.

And while we’re on the subject, I turn 57 tomorrow….Friday…..April  22nd.      Birthday wishes are welcomed and maybe even words of encouragement.

Here’s why—i didn’t have a pleasant menopause.  Ma Nature was vindictive.     I retained  water like a reservoir, ate anything  that not coated in lead and in combination with some pills I’m taking at the time that made me crave carbohydrates like a lab rat, So blew up.     My weight has since risen and fallen, depending on just bad a break up was (and they always were), but something happened the other day that made me realize time to get in shape is now.

I was at the grocery store  the other day and the parking lot was crowded and I had to park further back than normal.   I started walking toward the front door and got this feeling that someone was walking close behind me.  As, in, invading  my personal space.   I live in a small bedroom city of San Antonio (the very definition of what flight out of SA) and while,the crime rate is very low, th city isn’t without its minor criminal element.

So, I started walking faster…..my follower started walking faster.    I’d move to the right–he would too.   I was starting to panic.  I had more than a $100 in grocery money in a nice purse and cringed at the thought of  losing both.   And I font know martial arts or have any self defense skills—-other than being able to vomitbat will.

So, I decided to grow an extra pair of ovaries and stop to see who this was and what he wanted.     So, I turned around and saw no one.      Not a sole was in 30 feet of me.

Turns out  the big dangerous, menacing criminal was just my butt.     It was disconcerting to say the least, that my ass is the size of a would be purse snatching-rapist-kidnapper.

The diet begins today.      Yoga classes, walking and aqua aerobics, eating healthy—the works.

But that’s all for now,   I’ve been up for 28 hours now and getting a little loopy.   I just  walked by a mirror and saw OJ and Charlie  Manson in hot pursuit.

Lee Hatvey Oswald was in my fridge.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

som

it’s  not without

 

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