Shared Values

Compatibility.

Interesting word; fascinating concept.  It must exist for anything /anyone to co-exist.   And love goggles can make us oblivious to its absence in the beginning of a relationship.     But when icomes apparent it isn’t there, it’ll bitch slap you.

I met a guy years ago and we began a relationship, dazzled by each other for reasons I’ve forgotten.    HE was a writer, as was I.  That’s the one thing that brought us together, but often, what  brings you into s relationship is never enough to keep you in one.037944231311549

You see, he was a vegan.     I was and continue to be an omnivore.   It wasn’t so bad at first.    I tried to eat more salads and humus in his presence, you know, to please him as needy little girl women tend to do.   Then he got all preachy about it.

Eating animal meat, wearing their flesh  or using any by-products were all abominations.    Fortunately, he wasn’t that militant about it.     Had he seen the late fur lover, Joan  Rivers wearing a full fox coat I don’t think he would’ve thrown a bucket of blood on her—-he might have flicked  a booger in her direction maybe, but a bucket of blood, no.

Getting preachy  was one thing, then he got eco-weird.   He’d curse trucks belching out smoke.   Smokestacks were Satan’s cigarettes.    Big Oil was where he worked and Big Pharma was where he vacationed.   He talked Carbon footprints and showed me photos of polar bears clinging to ice cubes.    He also got increasingly homeopathic as a mindset as time progressed and the drugs we once took both out of necessity and yes, sometime for kicks had become sheer poison..

He rode a bike and was a recycling fanatic.    Oh yeah, he was also a pacifist.

It was like living in a Billy Jack movie

I started disliking him and disliking myself for being with him.    I don’t want to kill animals for grins and while I completely admire mink and chinchilla coats,  I don’t own any.    I hate war, but I understand the need for a good national defense.     I respect the work the Earth does to keep us alive and walking upright.

And then there was God.

God , he said, knew little about and cared even less about established organized religion; The Vatican, Billy Graham, the Pope, Mormon Temples, Jewish Temples…..Shirley Temple.     God was in every tree, leaf, rock, bird.     While I believe that to be true, my belief in God  extends a bit beyond that.    God is nature and rainbows and cartoon blue birds and also tornadoes, tsunamis and loss.  And redemption.     But I’m getting off point here.

Anyway, I was starting to resent the shit out of him and he was beginning to hate me holistically, as in, he hated me naturally.    I knew  it was time to end the relationship that only made sense while in the sack and for only  about three weeks.    After that, We were arguing about everything.     My non-vegan  stance was always his opponent.   I explained that once early man stopped eating fruits and nuts and started enjoying mastodon burgers, his brain started growing and reasoning and became a natural, common occurrence.   He didn’t care.   Anthropological folklore, as far as he was concerned.   He’d then toss out some quote from George Bernard Shaw (I think, I’m too lazy to look it up) about ” animals are my friends and I don’t  eat my friends”.

He ate nothing that had a face or came from anything that had a face.     No milk products, butter…..or God forbid, lard.   NOTHING WITH A FACE, he’d insist.

One night, we into a fight about something because we both needed the excuse and ultimately, agreed to end the relationship.   My position, he said in the parlance of his fanaticism, was being repurposed.      It was a loud fight, it was mean and there were tears shed over things he said that can never be recanted.     But some things I said I’ll never  regret.    Be a vegan, hug a tree, fear fracking, live in a commune where mascara is forbidden,  condemn who and what you want, let your underarm hair grow to Rapunzel length, just please refrain from being a pompous bore about it.

He stormed upstairs and slammed the door, demanding that I leave the premises immediately.    I agreed I would after I gathered a few things.

And I did, but  NOT without leaving my mark.     I took a Magic Marker and made little smiley faces on all the vegetables in his fridge.

Then I left, in search of the nearest Burger King.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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