American Horror Story/Asylum: Episode Three

“There’s a big fat storm coming, Sister. “

Wow, Satan In A Wimple–you said a mouthful!!!

What a difference a week makes.    Seven days ago, the meek little convent rodent known as Sister Mary Eunice was possessed by Old Scratch himself during a botched exorcism of a young country boy.   She was shy, reserved, vulnerable and frightened by her own shadow.    This week,  she’s a mean, angry, slut murderer.  The very antithesis of what she was.  Gee, I guess demonic possession will do that to you.  She looks different; she talks different…her mannerisms are completely changed.

While in the common room, telling the inmates of fair Briarcliff that a storm is coming (art immitating life in the damndest way–Huricane Sandy), Sister Jude has decided that showing a movie when the storm hits,  will help quell the neurosis that will no doubt result from thunder and lightning.  The movie is a storm in it’s own right. I can’t remember the title, but it’s about sex, violence and the ‘death of  Christians”.  When describing it to the inmates.  Sister Mary Eunice (Sister Satan)  announces that fact with a gleam in her eye.  Her pupils, I swear, turned red when she said it.  That’s when one hip inmate who didn’t speak a lick of the King’s took one look at her and said in a frightened whisper, “SATAN!!”

Sister Mary Eunice Von Demonburg gave her an “I’ll deal with you later” look and trust me,  she did…she killed the woman while praying, on her knees on the floor of her dingy, dirty cell, with scissors in the throat.

Sounds like a clue from the game, Clue.

Sister Satan immediately piled the body into a wheelbarrow and took it to the forest where she encountered one of the Creatures–at least I think it was one of the Creatures.  This one, obviously drawn to the location in search of a fresh, hot lunch, had very human looking arms and hands.    There was no exchange.   The show segued straight to commercial

After 60 seconds worth of Proctor and Gamble propaganda, we return–it’s the next day; the day the Nor’Easter will hit.   Sister Satan brings the mail in to  Sister Judes.    Included in the bills and super saver shopping notices, is a newspaper from June 28th, 1949, the day that Sister Jude, when she was known as Jud’s office.   Now if you remember from last week,  that was the day Sister Jude (then known as  Judy, a gin joint singer and all-purpose fun  girl, had run over a young girl while driving home with a snoot full.   It was a fatal hit and run apparently.   It’s also been haunting Sister Jude ever since and one of the principle reasons she became a nun.  As if that could eliminate any and all guilt.   Because it doesn’t and never will,  Sister Jude freaks out.  No one is supposed to know anything about her sordid past.

Enter paranoia and the frightening realization that  Sister Satan–who no once seems to notice has become a far more fun character to watch–knows everything.  Omniscience must be one of the few perks of possession.   She’s gotten into Sister Jude’s head but good!!!   She comes back into her office with a carafe of communion wine that she claims someone is drinking on the sly.  She’s also wearing bright red lipstick, the same shade Jude wore back during party days.   Sister Satan tries to get her to taste the wine, knowing full well she’s an alcoholic.   Instead of sampling the grape stompings, she forcibly removes the lipstick which Sister Satan said she applied at the insistence of Dr. Mengele Arden.   Remember, this pervert has the hots for the nunlet.

Now, Sister Satan decides to get in and romp willuy nilly  in Dr. Arden’s head.   She enters his office, coming off as the same naive monastic he’s knows and lusts after.  Her purpose is to seduce him.    She was wearing a garter belt and exclaimed that she was and I quote–“all juicy”as she exposed her “mossy banks” to him with her legs akimbo on his desk.   This appalls the good doctor apparently, he likes his women to be pure, touchable only through fantasy.    Dr. Arden bitch slaps her.    Sister Satan just laughs and calls him a panty waste.

In the meantime, the storm starts to move in–thunder, lightning, driving rain.  Hitchcockian weather to be sure.    The phone rings in Sister Jude’s office, she answers it and it’s the voice of the little girl she struck and killed all those years ago.   Oh, this is not good.   Sister Jude is mentally screwed up as a result.  Why is this happening?  Who knows within the asylym walls that she’s a killer.   She grabs the decanter of communion wine and starts drinking.

She drunkenly enters the common room that’s been turned into a theater and makes an announcement. It starts and in the darkness, Tate, Lana the Reporter, the Vague French Girl and Nymphomaniac make a run for it.  They actually make it outside, thanks to the nympho who bought them some time by uh….well, “inflating” one of the guards who’s been searching for the Mexican, the woman with David Ferrie like eyebrows, who sensed Sister Satan was in fact, Sister Satan.   She knocks him out and starts to run down the hall where her fellow escapees are waiting, but she’s  cornered by Dr. Arden who decides this stormy night is the perfect occasion for him to finally sample her sexual wares, since he’s the last staffer in all of Briarcliff to do so.    He forces her to assume the position and unzips his pants, but apparently, the doc and his body part that rhymes with his occupation is either ridiculously small or badly misshapen.  The nympho laughs at it which enrages the doctor.  He hits her over the head and knocks her out.

Meanwhile, Sister Satan awakens Sister Jude from her drunken slumber and tells her there are several inmates missing.  She gets up and starts to look for them and encounters some crazy looking alien that we’ve not seen before.  It’s a quick shot; you just get a fleeting plance, but it looked like a typical alien to me.     This assumption is backed by an earlier radio weather update, in which the announcer blamed the storm for all the strange lights people have been reporting in the sky, possibly downed aircraft.

The trio of escapees run through the woods and stumble upon body parts…even in the wind and rain, they’re able to deduce its “The Mexican”.   Take looks behind a bush and sees one the creatures, this very gross, bloody humanoid looking thing, chowing down on an arm.  It gives chase.  There’s another…then another.  The Creatures look a lot like James Carville eating bar-b-que.  They’re scared.  So scared by the Creatures that they actually return to Briarcliff.

With the door open.

We then are taken back to Dr. Arden’s lab where the Nympho is coming to.   Since she laughed at the doctor’s tiny bubbles, he punishes her.  She is hobbled below each knee cap.   She isn’t going anywhere and its safe to say that her days of giving BJ’s are over.

I enjoyed tonight’s episode, creepy and strange as it was.

A couple of other items of note:   Lana the Reporter tried to get Dr. Threadson to give her Lesbian Teacher partner a message.   Due to his hatred of Sister Jude and her crazy ass ways, he agrees.   He goes to the teacher’s house, but she’s nowhere to be found.   If you remember, she was attacked by someone–or something.   Dr. Threadson found some blood on the carpet, but nothing else.   When he reports this to Lana, she’s worried and also finally convinced that Tate isn’t Bloody Face.

Okay, Miss Teach is missing.  What doees THAT mean?

Now, this episode began where last week’s left off:   with Bloody Face stabbing Adam “One Armed” Levine as she watches from the confines of a closed cell.   She thought she was safe.


He burst through the door and started slashing her but Adam, despite being stabbed, minus one limb and about four quarts of blood, manages to attack Bloody Face from behind.  Wifey finishes him off with several two armed stabs and might I add, it was very much the same way/style in which Sister Satan stabbed “The Mexican”.


She grabs Adam and they attempt to escape the Asylum only to be knocked off at the pass by Bloody Face.  They turn and run the other way.  Lo and behold, there’s ANOTHER Bloody Face waiting for them.   There’s a whole freaking litter of these bastards roaming the halls.  One pulls a gun and shoots the couple.  They remove their masts to reveal two townies, trying to scare  tourists who come to the rubble of Briarcliff  for a good old-fashioned scare.   This time though, things got out of hand, to put it midly.

But as any karmic devotee knows,  what we put out in the world always comes back to us.  The two townies are then confronted by yet another Bloody Face.   This one had no bloody wounds on his chest.  They lay eyes on him and they’re scared.  Slack jawed scared.    Their fates are uncertain.   The opening theme started just as Bloody Face walked towards one of the guys, who resembled a  poor man’s Billy Mumy.

How many Bloody Faces are there?

What in the hell is going on here?   I’m even more perplexed than last year.

This episode while entertaining, was like this Hollywood screenplay on acid.  It included almost every genre of horror known to man:  demonic possession, human maming, murder, cannibalism, monsters, space aliens, criminal insanity and a very drunk head nun in charge.

Tonight, we saw that there’s a massive power play  underway for total control between Sister Jude, Sister Satan and Dr. Arden.   Sister Satan is pitting them against each other while getting her licks in.


Scariest moment tonight?   A drunk  Sister Jude having a hit and run flashback while reciting in spoken word, the lyrics of “You’ll Never Walk Alone” from the movie and musical, “Carousel”.  Odd.

One of the funniest moments?   As Sister Jude announced the cast of the movie being shown in the common room, she called the magnificent Charles Laughton “a huge wuss”.

The portly Oscar-winning actor was gay or bi-sexual at the very least.

And lastly, very little was mentioned by Tate who was tied down to Dr. Arden’s examining table from Hell.  The doctor wanted to see if he had any more strange little mechanical shape-shifting spiders hanging around his jugular vein.  The doctor makes an incision, Tate screams and appears two scenes later with no marks or bandages.  The doctor also acts as if the spider was a spying device; something all about espionage from the KGB…the Germans… maybe even the Jews.   Everybody, he says, is interested in learning more about ‘his work”.

What exactly IS his work?  And what’s the connection with the bevy of Bloody Faces?  The neck dwellling spiters?  The human eating Creatures??   A Satanic nun?   So many attempts to usurp Sister Jude’s authority?   The aliens?  I have no clue.  All I know is that this is one crazy salad in an even crazier bowl with Satanic nuance dressing and Hollywood screenwriters trying to outdoor themselves each week, tossing it.

Pun completely intended.

Based on something Sister Jude’s said in next week’s preview, I wouldn’t be surpirsed if we find out that I’m more right than wrong in comparing Dr Arden to Dr. Mengele, the Nazi “Angel of Death”.

See ya next week.


  1. This show is quickly losing me. Between the zombies, possessed nuns, murderers and aliens, I can’t keep up! I feel like they are trying too hard to deliver a unique horror story, and it’s totally backfiring. I’m not the only one who feels that way either; I’ve heard a ton of people around my office complain about the boggled storylines. I’m certain that this was the last episode of AHS that I will be watching. I know my horror buff of a boyfriend will not be pleased though, but that’s just too bad! Don’t you agree that things are getting more and more ridiculous each week?

  2. I am freaked out by the bizarreness of this season so far. It is much more gruesome and and demonic but Jessica Lange is just too fabulous to miss. I hate it but love it at the same time. Maybe that is the intent.

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