I haven’t been blogging. If you’re keeping score at home, I really haven’t been Facebooking either. I’ve been asked why by readers audacious enough to ask.
I don’t think I need to blog as much. I no longer need the validation, which was precisely why I started this oeuvre of self-indulgence five years ago.
It was late March 2007. I was unemployed—I’d just lost a job at a radio station that the owners chose to take from news and talk to all sports and everyone was relieved of their duties as a result. That was a job I loved at a station I adored. I helped give birth to it. I helped create its unique format. It meant a great deal to me and when I lost that job, I felt as though I lost a part of myself. But that was my fault. Life is so much more than what we do.
But I didn’t have that insight back then. Instead, I was angry and sad and that manifested itself in sitting here at home, applying for jobs left and right, cashing irrelevant unemployment checks that had no affect on my ever accruing debt load. I cried and sighed and endured major ass expansion through needless, but misery pleasing carbo loading. I spent lonely hours glued to a linen couch, mindlessly watching TV while trying to figure out a course in my life that at 48, seemed completely impossible to plot. I felt miserable, sorry for myself and all that self-loathing was starting to build up inside of me, ready to erupt with Vesuvian power.
I felt hopeless.
Then a friend suggested that I start a blog.
On the computer.
On the computer????? How would I do that? I had deep cyber illiteracy issues. Hell, it was only a year earlier that I’d mastered the abacus.
But learn it I did and five years and almost 1.5 mllion readers later, here I sit once again but this time, I’m gainfully employed and the fiercely long talons of discontent have been filed down to a nice square/round shape. Long enough to scratch an itch, but nothing more. Somehow, somewhere along the way, I stopped needing the validation. I don’t even seek it at work and I have an on air position. I care but I’m no longer as needy. It takes a great deal of energy and wasted focus to be that needy. It has fled my realm and I am grateful and trust me, that’s one case of abandonment I relish.
You see, what it all boils down to is this: life isn’t great, but it isn’t bad either. It’s as everything is own Prozac. I exist in between good and bad, happy and sad; excitement and boredom and as odd as this might sound, I rather like being neither here nor there. I know I sound like I’m regurgitating some Lewis Carroll bullshit, but what I write is true. Sometimes, a lack of events can be rather eventful.
So, take my lack of blogging as a sign of relatively good mental health and in here deep in the heart o’Laurieland, that ain’t always been the case. I’ll continue to blog from time to time; I’ll write when the spirit moves me or if I see or smell an injustice. Humor is everywhere and laughing is vital to the spirit.
In the meantime, I’ve got some decisions to make. They’re too long and drawn out to share with you, my blogging friends. Just suffice it to say that I have more options at my disposal. There’s a new fork that’s emerged in my road and finally, it’s silver plate.
I’m shooting for silver.
But since pretension be thy name–I’ll pretend it’s platinum.
It is, as they say, “all good”.
Fear not. I’ll be back soon. Keep an eye out for new posts.