This Week On American Horror Story


Did you know that one of the most popular Halloween costumes this year was the Gimp/Rubber Man Latex onesy that we’ve all come to know and love on AHS????  

And not only that, there are a few drag queens who I know personally who are trying to nail down and perfect that Constance look in their shows.    To play Constance effectively, I think it requires more than a blond wig, red lipstick and some floral print house dress.  It requires something else….a mindset, perhaps.   You must have little to no conscious and be anal about many things and very clean about your person,  yet still stink.   There’s just always something that seems wrong, amiss…unclean.  You make every attempt cover up the odor with a Jan Naté  splash or generous applications of  L’Air Du Temps….whatever Walgreen’s had on sale.

But those things don’t work.   They just turn everything into perfumed B.O.

Even so, to have your likeness carved in a pumpkin at Halloween??   I ask, is there no bigger honor???? 

Way to go, Connie!!!! 

The good news is, more and more people are starting to watch AHS.   Even though we’ll be seven episodes into the season this week, people are still tuning for the first time,  just to see what it’s all about.   For some, giving it five minutes is enough.  It’s not their cup of tea.  For others, it was love at first sight and the series has become appointment viewing each and everyWednesday.     I love AHS converts;  especially the ones who automatically hated the show without ever once watching it.    They hear the word “horror” and because they had a “bad multiplex theater experience” with  Jason, Freddie or Michael Meyers back in the day, they just automatically assume this F/X series will be jut as cheesy.

Well, American Horror Story is chocked full of Velveeta; make no mistake about that, but it differs from the typical franchise horror fare in that it……because…..well, I’m not really sure and even if I did, I don’t know if I (seasoned writer extraordinaire that I am) could even put it to text.    But it’s good.  it’s compelling.  It keeps you wanting more,  even disappointed that the hour is up.    I can tell you that when I’m watching it, I get so engrossed in everything that the hour flies by.

Even so, I can’t deny that AHS is absurd and yes, even absurd in a patently defiant, in-your-face way.    There are plenty of times when I’ve laughed at things (especially that which spewed forth from Constance’s mouth)  that made me laugh when I shouldn’t have laughed.   Not at al PC, but really, sometimes, funny is funny.    Her jokes about her daughter, Addy is one example.    But then again,  comic relief is part and parcel of the horror genre.   Think about it—there’s always a lovable oaf  in just about every slasher film.   You know the one–the ugly, he’s the funny fat guy who’s the fifth wheel;  the one who didn’t have a date to check out the old insane asylum ‘with the gang’  on Halloween and who’ll invariably die a horribly ridiculous death involving a machete, a carton of orange juice and an Etch-A-Sketch in a dimly lit janitor’s closet.

But for all its plusses, it’s hardly flawless.   For someone who likes symmetry and balance, AHS can be a bit disconcerting.   It bundles together so may plotlines and sub-plotlines at one time it makes your head spin.    For example:  we know that Moira the Younger spent an earlier episode drugging Ben’s coffee.  We’ve not heard a word about that since episode 2.    No one ever goes out and sits in the gazebo-slash-headstone for the mass grave in the Harmon’s backyard.  The ghost of Mrs. Montgomery ended episode 3 with her ghostly hand poised above Viv’s pregnant belly as she slept, but again, we’ve heard nothing else about  her infatuation with babies or pregnant red heads.     Nor have we head a peep about what caused that gaping head wound we say when she paid Viv and Murder House, her former residence, in a visit in episode 3.   

I don’t like how certain things are almost regarded as afterthoughts.   What’s the backstory to red-headed  twin bullies who were killed in the basement by Hume Cronyn’s evil basement dwelling doppelgänger?   And speaking of that critter down below, please let’s get into his, her, its backstory soon, although most of us feel sure he’s the now 90-plus year old hand sewn creation of the crazy ass Dr. Montgomery who was crazy before, but lost what few faculties he had left due to debt, drug addiction and the stress brought on when  his infant son was kidnapped and returned to him in severed pieces in a police evidence box.

 And please, more Hayden with the nether regions that Ben compares to raspberries and cream.  

The flashbacks are the scariest, most terror inducing aspects of AHS, mainly because they show us how all the ghosts in this series became ghosts.   Except for the pilot episode, every flashback has been based on real life murder tragedies.  There was the Richard Speck/Chicago influence nurse murders,  the recent Columbine school shooting comparison, the Montgomery baby was kidnapped and killed–that happens way too often and  Constance shot  her philandering husband, which sadly, is an all too common occurrence in cities big and small.

And based on an interview with AHS co-creator,  Ryan Murphy in, we’re in for a few more bone chilling flashbacks before the first season becomes a part of television history.   In fact, he was asked several pointed questions about last week’s “Piggy, Piggy” episode and what we can expect this coming week.

Will Tate cross over?
I can’t say.    (Nah, he won’t…at least not any time soon.  If he does, there’s goes a chunk of the storyline) 

Who’s Mary in Violet’s flashback? Is that her grandmother?
Yes. That was Violet’s grandmother’s death bed and the fact that Billie Jean knew that proved to Violet the existence of other spirits, the beginning of her awakening (finally, we know who Mary is..or rather, was.  And she told her granddaughter in a deathbed whisper “They’ll never understand you”….Okay, but what exactly was the point of that?  Yeah,  I know it was to prove to Violet that Billie Jo, the psychic  was legit, but what were we, the unknowing audience supposed, to do with that little tidbit of info???) 

It seems like Constance and Moira know what’s inside Vivien.
In this episode, they do not know. (Nope, sorry–not buying that for a second, Ryan.   I think Moira and Constance are fully aware that Viv is incubating their Dark Lord Satan  in that fleshy third floor walk up of hers) 

Constance says “We need another baby.” Does that mean the house needs a baby?
Yes. Two episodes from now really deals with why does the house and its occupants have baby mania? What is that about? Constance is clearly in cahoots with someone or some thing. I can’t say who or what, though.   (I think ‘what’ is the operative word here.  I’ve been waiting for the writers to drop the demon/devil bomb here.   Prepare to head to your bomb shelters then .  I think we’re edging closer to that particular zero hour

Is it possible that Constance was also impregnated by Rubber Man?
No, that’s a great idea. But I never thought that.   (Ryan denies this.   LIAR!!!!!    Ben is an idiot,  weak and completely devoid of integrity,  but not even his sperm could produce a  zygote that’s the splittin’ image of the Underwood Deviled Ham logo)   

What’s the deal with Constance eating the meat and especially the brain? Is she under control of the house? Or the baby is taking over? I think that her baby is having some really demonic cravings. God bless Connie Britton for shooting that scene with the brain and all that stuff. I believe it was made for Connie who is one of the all-time health conscious people I know. I believe it was made from gelatin and molded. There’s a little bit of an homage to Rosemary’s Baby where she ate the liver. We wanted to one up it. Of course everyone’s gonna now say like that’s so totally not sanitary. To which we respond, when you see the baby, then we will talk about it. That baby has some ferocious cravings.   (See above for the demon, realize what ever is ripening in her belly ain’t human and make your own conclusions) 

Why didn’t the doctor pick up on the whatever scary is inside Vivien during the amnio?
It happens in the next episode. I think that sometimes people see what they want to see. Or sometimes what you see is or is not accurate and can make you terrified. And maybe it was part of the gestational process, who knows? (Again, the writers are  dabbling with perspectives)  But that woman is back in the next episode. Nurse Angie. She’s so crazy. We’re playing around with, “Is this woman legit?”

Tease next week’s episode.
Episode 7 is called “Open House” and it’s a very Constance-heavy episode. (Yay!!!!!!!)    The Harmon’s finally find somebody to buy the house and leave and Constance is not happy about that. Next week is definitely our most sexual episode and it’s very Constance heavy with her trying to protect herself. And we meet another one of her children. It’s very exciting. (I cannot wait to see what kind of one-eyed, half-brained, miscreant groin fruit of hers we’ll get to meet this time!!!!)

And the kid is crazy right?
Sumthin’s not right with this particular person.  Constance did say that her womb is cursed.

We’re in for a treat, kids.   This episode sounds like it’ll answer several questions and raise a few more. 

Such as, who’ll be Dr. Ben’s disposable patient this week?   How will the ever-growing raw food movement that Moira spoke of manifest itself this week?  

  • Will Vis sit down to a meal of moose uvula?     
  • Beaver testicles?   
  • A heaping bowl of lemur teats?   

And if Ryan says this coming week’s episode will be more sex laden, can we assume that we’re going to see something actually happen between Vivian and the new hot security guard who appears to have a huge Glock with her name on it?????      You can tell by the way they look at each other…foreshadowing with Viv’s eyeshadow.   Well, as long as Deputy Dawg doesn’t mind dating a pregnant woman with a belly full of demon semen, they should be very happy together.   

Oh man, I love American Horror Story  in spite of its flaws…hell, because of its flaws.   It may be utterly ridiculous at times, but the panic it induces feels real; especially when you’re alone in a darkened house watching the flashbacks that you saw Dan Rather talk about on the Evening News a few years earlier.    I never know how each episode will end.  And that’s a good thing. 

There’s something to be said for surprises and episode 7  it seems, will be silly with them.

See you here after the show Wednesday night, kids.


  1. At first it was a turn off, but I gave it another try. I love it. It’s intriguing and I love the fact that almost everyone is a ghost. To some, it brings a connection to reality.

    The show I watch late nights after Dexter or the news before bed. I prefer to dvr most my #1 shows and now AHS is one of them. It’s now in the ranks of Breaking Bad, Dexter, Heroes, Modern Family, and the Event which are all shows I love(d) and would watch religiously.

And now, you may opine your ass off...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s