I can’t remember when I met Ed Gomez, but I know where we met. We were struggling college students living and studying and working in Austin, Texas. The scene of so many crimes back then was Foley’s/Highland Mall. It was a somewhat higher end department store that originated in Houston. Soon Foley’s expanded eastward and became a part of mall scenery in Austin and San Antonio.
For you West Coasters, Foley’s was like Bullock’s. You Floridians can compare it to Burdine’s; Filene’s for you Yankees and Macy’s for everyone else. We were both working in Selling Services. We scheduled the XOC’s (Extras On Call) who were mostly college students, who needed to work flexible hours to accommodate class and homework schedules.
We bonded immediately, mostly over the campiest things. Humor was everything and we saw it in everything. I seem to remember one of our first conversations was about a woman we both loved: Bette Midler. We talked about her love of millinery. Namely a hat she wore for a one particular book signing. It was a globe with a tiny airplane that circled it, thanks to tiny batteries. We loved that hat. We loved the strange. Our friendship was permanently cemented even further by a mutual affection for the strangest movies: Motel Hell, Eating Raoul, Airplane and anything John Waters has ever touched.
Ed was/is a lot like me in that he saw the nuances of the inane. I’ve always loved that fact that with Eddie, these nuances were rarely subtle. He saw them as glaring..and always hilarious. Eventually, we graduated from college and I left Austin to start my ‘storied’ career in Broadcasting. I had tiny TV markets to conquer upon which I would cut my teeth, so to speak. He stayed in Austin, but beyond that, I never knew what happened to him. We lost touch after that. I only recently learned that he became a Professional Counselor, moved to deep South Texas, got married and then divorced, which he says his own version of an “American Horror Story” . We reconnected 28 years later thanks to Facebook and the rest is as they say, history. It was as if we’d only stopped talking yesterday. That’s what friends can do…pick up where they left off, regardless of chasm of time between them.
Like me, he wants to retire early and see what the world has to offer….and what older versions of Laurie and Ed can offer the world.
And I’m pleased to say this 54-year-old man is still as ridiculously handsome as he ever was.
Plus, he has eyelashes that makes Bambi’s look alopecic.
Oh well. My boobs will always be bigger.
And at age 52, certainly longer.
And away we go……
My friend, Laurie is starting to worry about the lack of logic in American Horror Story, but since when are horror stories, especially those involving ghosts, logical? It’s not logical for the heroine to go UP the stairs when she hears a strange sound, nor is it logical to stand there for five minutes and watch your attacker turn into a werewolf (The Howling), instead of running away as fast as you can. Logic and horror don’t go together. Kids understand this concept better than some of us life-hardened, wonder-deprived adults.
Which is precisely why I love AHS; it makes me feel like a kid again. I still remember Dark Shadows, Alfred Hitchcock Presents , Twilight Zone, and The Night Stalker, to name a few. I didn’t worry about logic then, and I still remember some of the frights those tv shows threw at me. And don’t forget the creepy AHS theme music that’s played during the opening credits. In my opinion, it’s just as memorable as the keening, eerie, Dark Shadows theme.
American Horror Story is a hoot. It’s weird, scary, and over-the-top hilarious at times. Although I’ve been worried about Hallie the dog since the first episode, I couldn’t stop laughing when I thought she went in the microwave. In my mind, that was a less painless death than seeing her boiling in a pot of water, or decapitated on the floor. Of course, I was relieved to learn she was okay. Now, I’m worried for her all over again. I have no idea where this show is headed, but not knowing is half the fun. The stuff that’s transpired is far more outrageous than I could have imagined.
So, if I were to guess what my happen, I’d say there’s a chance that Constance has this twisted need to be around babies….for her survival, perhaps.. Her name makes me wonder if she’s actually very, very old (Constant Constance). I think the fact that the Harmon family is experiencing little to no harmony, is the real horror story that unfolding here. Add to that, Hayden, the girlfriend from Hades; the Mistress of Mephistopheles. Is she still pregnant???? O. M. G. Don’t be surprised if Hayden contributes to Murder House’s monster population with a Pampers wearing hellion all her own. You know, that birth/death conundrum all in one fail swoop.
So, to Laurie and others who worry about logic when you watch AHS–don’t sweat it. Just enjoy the thrilling, chilling ride. Try to find the ghosts of Tennessee Williams, Truman Capote, and Carson McCullers lurking somewhere in the background when Jessica Lange is chewing up the scenery. Pray for Rosemary’s, I mean, Vivien’s, baby. Hope against hope that sex addict Ben (Dylan McDermott) gives in to the advances of the blonde, gay ghost. Scream out “I wanna be a pretty girl!” every time you see Addie in flashback. Yell “Stereotype!!!” every time Zach Quinto sashays into a scene.
Anything can happen at the Harmon house, and I’m going to be there for every momentous occasion. It’s fun to get hooked on a tv show after all these years, isn’t it? Now, if only the producers could figure out how to bring Ruth Gordon back from the dead……….Is Sylvia Miles still alive?
Thanks Ed. Stellar job, my friend.
Here’s the actual F/X preview for this Wednesday’s episode entitled, “Piggy, Piggy”.
Whoa…this one looks like it’s gonna be good, kids!!
I paused and started and rewound and fast forwarded till I lost all feeling in my index finger and I STILL CANNOT figure out who’s being dragged down the hall or who’s doing the dragging!!! If you can figure out, please let me know. Also, who in the hell is sitting in that chair facing the wall? I thought I saw orthopedic shoes adorning those old, skinny legs!!!!
And was that Tate brandishing a shotgun????
Hhhhhhhmmmmmmmm….this is all getting more and more interesting.
I found out, that we’ll find out what it was about Viv’s ultrasound that made the nurse faint and did you see when Viv was sitting there, her belly all plump with fetus exposed? Her still developing fetus now has a toddler’s sized hand and it’s pressing against her womb–from the inside out, making ME think she’s in her 98th trimester. And Moira prepares a gory delicacy for the now very pregnant Viv to eat…which somehow she does…with belch inducing gusto. We’re talking brains, kids….fresh from the cabeza ….and with garnish, no less!!
And from what I understand, this (in the whacky world of the Moira and The Murder House) is a very bloody, high protein equivalent of Tanna leaves. Remember that was the stuff that controlled The Mummy???
I hear this is a very gross scene.
I understand we’ll also be treated to another flashback to the 1920’s to learn more on the backstory on the original owners–the Montgomery’s. An
d we’ll finally find out what connection the Chucky Demon Seed Basement Monster Baby has to the house. Come on, that’s a no brainer—he’s Dr. and Mrs. Montgomery’s son, the one that was kidnapped and killed like the Lindbergh baby. The one that was murdered as a revenge for an abortion, remember? The same son that came back to the Montgomery’s in a box like a 16 piece dinner at Mr. Crispy’s House of Chicken!!!!!! The one that the drug addled Dr. Montgomery put back together with needle and thread and somehow, brought back to life and if we get a chance to see how he did it, I swear if I see lightning bolts, a Tesla coil and a hunchback are ANYWHERE in the scene, I WILL BE PISSED!!!
Now, let’s think about this for a second. If the basement baby monster is the Montgomery’s son, version 2.0, he’s got to close to 90 years old now. Maybe, this is something akin to what Mr. Gomez thinks–what if the basement creature NEEDS to kill and drink blood from a neck wound to survive (all the victims so far have had slashed throats)….AND….what if Constance is its daughter and she needs babies around her to stay looking…well…stay looking…uh…well, not like the baby monster!!!!!!!
Huh? Huh???? Think about that possibility!!!
Or try this on for size. Last week, Constance told Violet that Tate is her son. Well, what if he isn’t….wjat if she just says she is as a cover story, because the Harmon’s can see the ghosts of the house as she does. What if, Tate is actually her husband? Horny Car Salesman Guy in The White Man Panties who tried to have sex with Moira the Younger in their master bedroom????? Remember what she told him before she filled his chest full of hot lead??? She said “I’ve loved you since I was 16.”
Okay, what if…and this is a big
Constance and the whole Hee Haw gang see him as his 16-year-old self. Maybe that’s why he backed away from Constance when she saw him in the window. Remember her expression? She actually seemed hurt by that. Maybe that’s why she made Violet those ipecac laden cupcakes.
Let’s face it, nothing quite “I’m jealous of you” more than two cupcakes that will keep a teenage girl wretching until she’s 30.
And last but not least kids, I’ve read that we’ll see a fearful side of Ben, who’ll help a new patient confront his fears. This new character is deathly afraid of urban legends. He won’t even look in the mirror. On humid days here in Houston, I can totally relate. During a therapy session, he begins to tell Ben about “The Piggy Man”, and from what I understand, this conveyance is both hilarious and terrifying. Dr. Ben the Angry is actually kind of creeped out by the tale.
Now, here’s what’s very interesting about this aspect of the storyline. Several episodes earlier, when we first met Dr. Montgomery, the crazy drug addicted original homeowner/abortionist with the Frankenstein complex, he’s down in his basement laboratory, putting what looks like thin, vascular riddled wings on a two headed pig.
Wonder if there’s a connection between this flying two headed pig and the “The Piggy Man” urban myth….or is it an urban fact????????????????? Could the brains that Moira serves Viv be pig brains??? Maybe, a ‘pair’ of pig brains????? What’s the connection, if there is one???????
Also in this upcoming episode, while Constance enlists Violet’s help in dealing with Tate and in doing so, reveals a bit more about the house.
HURRY UP WEDNESDAY!!!
Join me after the show for another review and synopsis.