a bright, shiney new year

2010.

One of my better years, I’d say.   At the very least, it was better than the previous nine years that comprised the new millenium.   I say this because I feel the  need to find something remotely redeeming about the last decade and its last year will have to suffice.  So yes, it was better than most.   But that ain’t sayin’ much.

As I’ve stated  before, the first decade of this new century for me, was problem riddled.   I entered it while stuck in a horrible…HORRIBLE relationship with a man who possessed a soul the color of pitch.   I was let go from a prestigious on air position and entered into a deep, dark depression.   That set the tone for the rest of the decade.  I was broke and I was broken.

That relationship mercifully ended, as did a seemingly endless horrific stream of  bad luck.  Things started to turn around in late 2004/early 2005.      In 2007 while unemployed again, I started this blog and was introduced to a whole new world.   I met a man who trolled the blogosphere looking for human skeins of wool with which to play.  I’d never met a sociopath before and this man defined the term.   He was a pathological liar and for a while anyway, had me completely fooled.  He had a lot of people fooled.  One woman in his stable of idiot women bloggers is a psychiatrist.   One would think she would have known better.  Perhaps that proves how good he really was or how her skills  as a physician of trained to decipher human behavior lacked–I’m not sure which.   I really don’t care either.   All I know is that I deeply regret that I was conned as I was.  I was weak and he played on that.   Evil is cunning and smart that way.   Well, I can assure you of one thing:  something like this  will never happen to me again.   One of the best things I’ve done was to completely exorcise him from my life.   I did that this past March and it was my most significant accomplishment of 2010.    I will never bring up this bitter memory again.  That gets exorcised too, as of this writing.

I was able to find work this year; three gigs in fact.  I quit two of them.  One didn’t pay enough; the other was in animal welfare which I will, never ever involve myself with again.    The one I have now, the third this year, is a good job.  It just might have some potential and its put me back in a varied form of broadcasting.  

 Essentially, I help produce private label, web based radio stations for corporate entities.   Real, by God radio stations with commercials and music and info thats accessible with a mouse click on a business’ website.     It’s still very much in its infancy, but slowly learning to toddle.  I’m working  with colleagues who I know and trust.    We’re trying to do to terrestrial radio, what terrestrial radio has done to us.  It begins with the letter “F”.    I think you know the word.   I hope we can.   The business of traditional radio is as loathsome as the trolling blog psychopath.

What else happened?   A man who I was once loved very much re-entered my life in 2010.    I have no idea how this story will end.  Before Christmas, I thought I knew.   I don’t anymore.    You know, emotions are precarious things.   Time does strange things to them, too.   It elongates them, shortens them…always distorts them to sideshow mirror status.  I’ve been told to have patience with this relationship.  At this stage of the game, I don’t think I can muster the patience to have patience.   As a rule, I want what I want and I’d pursuit it…. if I knew what it was, but I don’t.   Now, I measure and weigh and debate the odds.  Goddamned cursed logic and healthy self esteem!!!   Life seemed so much easier when I was co-dependent. 

We said goodbye to many icons in 2010, too.   People who helped shape our history.   

Miep Gies, 100, the office secretary who defied Nazi occupiers to hide Anne Frank and her family for two years and saved the teenager’s diary, in Amsterdam, from a neck injury sustained in a fall at her home.

Rhythm and blues singer Teddy Pendergrass 59, who had been one of the most successful figures in pop music until a car crash 28 years ago left him in a wheel chair, in Bryn Mawr, Pennsylvania, of colon cancer.

Barbara Billingsley, 94, played a warm, supportive mother of two precocious boys named Wally and Beaver  in the Fifties.  She endeared herself to millions of Americans as the epitome of a kind, loving, pearls and pumps wearing super mom.   For years, she’d been treated for rheumatoid disease.

Bob Guccione,  79, a man who founded Penthouse magazine and created an erotic empire around it only to see it crumble as his investments soured and the world of pornography turned toward video and the Internet.    He’d been battling lung cancer.

Rue McClanahan, 76,   the Emmy award-winning actress who brought the sexually liberated Southern belle, Blanche Devereaux to life on the hit TV series “The Golden Girls,” died after suffering a stroke.

Lena Horne and Gary Coleman died, as did George Blanda, the seemingly ageless Hall of Fame quarterback and kicker whose 26-year career was best remembered for a remarkable run of late-game theatrics with the Oakland Raiders.   I always remember him as being 44.   At that age, he was still playing the game and I suppose,  that gave hope to aging Americans everywhere.  

Leslie Nielson, who hated being called “Surely” died…that saddened me.  So did former TV host,  Art Linklater and Hollywood’s late 1970’s “It Girl”, Jill  Clayburgh, 66, who died after a 21-year battle with chronic lymphocytic leukemia.

Actor, Dennis Hopper is no longer with us.  Neither is veteran NBC newsman,  Edwin Newman,  Fess Parker who gave life to TV’s, “Davey Crockett”  or J.D. Salinger, the author of “Catcher In The Rye”. 

I also lost my friend and radio mentor and father, Mark Stevens.  I miss you more than I thought I would.

A lot of marriages died in 2010.   At least three male friends terminated their marriages in quickie, no-fault divorces this past year.  Oddly enough,  I don’t remember hearing about a single wedding.     Or from anyone in a truly happy marriage for that matter.

So other than the flipping over the page on a  calendar, what will happen as we bid farewell to 2010 and embrace 2011?    

For starters, we’ll sing, “Should auld acquaintance be forgot, and never brought to mind?”  

History will undoubtedly repeat itself and in doing so, we’ll lose more of the people who helped create it.   Other things will happen because these are the things that happen in life.   We’ll witness a hurricane wipe out a village of mud huts on some Third World island.  We’ll hear about a massive earthquake that toppled entire cities and killed thousands.   There will be that plane crash; that chemical plant explosion, that multi-car pile-up on some random interstate.   We’ll hear about the enraged ex-employee who  retaliated against his ex-employer with a hail of gunfire. 

“Should auld acquaintance be forgot and days of auld lang syne”

In 2011, we’ll hear about more troops being deployed to Iraq and Afghanistan, as others are brought home in body bags.  There’ll be political infighting on Capital Hill,  sports teams will still win and lose, American Idol will survive at least one more season on FOX and Angelina Jolie will continue to make  “relevant”  movies that no one will care to see. 

“For auld lang syne, my dear,  For auld lang syne” 

The ebb and flow of life will go on in 2011…just as it did in 2010….as it did in 1977 and in 1953 and in 1895.    We will do what we’ve always done:   we”ll laugh, we’ll cry…we’ll mourn, we’ll rejoice.    There will be births and deaths; things will be created; others will dissolve.   We’ll experiemce beginnings and endings and deal with intermissions  that never seem to end.    We’ll worry, we’ll relax.   We’ll have too much then a second later, wring our hands  because we don’t have enough.   We’ll question time and how it seems to have quickened as it helps our lifespans shorten.  We’ll long for the  ease of yesterday while anticipating the hope that tomorrow might bring.  Might bring.   Do we dare to be optimistic?

Yes.   That’s what we do.   We have hope.

“We’ll take a cup o’ kindness yet, For auld lang syne”

Maybe…. but in 2011 onthe off chance that hope wanes a bit,  we should probably consider taking our cup o’ kindness with a little Dewars,  thank you very much.

I’ll think we’ll need it.

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3 comments

  1. Wow. I don’t know how to comment here. Beautiful, even though you mention so much pain. I hope the new/old love proves good to you, and that the pain fades abruptly.

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