Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say-Version 2010

I am no different than any other human being.

I have my likes and dislikes; my turn ons and turn offs. I possess certain idiosyncrasies that are as the mere word implies, my own.

I like being me. I haven’t always been able to say that, but I can say that now.

I love my blog. Nay, I adore my blog. It has saved my life. This year was filled with so many disappointments…the death of my best friend….job loss….money woes….a nasty little health issue and of course, the loss of a very relevant relationship and yes, if you must know, it’s helping me through the resurrection of another one.   It has helped me survive each gut wrenching moment and has enhanced each pleasant one.  And I did so by being able to freely express how I felt without anyone judging me about content. Propriety should never be an issue when it comes to one’s personal artistic expression.

I do love my blog but should it ever fall by the wayside (and let’s be realistic, all things must end someday) I would never start another one. Blogging–in my humble opinion–is something you should only do once and one time only.

You know…like being born, witnessing an execution and watching “The View”.

viewedit.jpg

I’m not a fan of “The View”. 

At all.

The show could ONLY  be made worse if Kathy Lee Gifford jumped ship with her co-host, that Hoda Kotbe fella on “The Last Unwatched Hour of “The today Show” and both joined the cast of this wretched hour-long visual abortion consisting of fragmented opinion and loud mouthery.  

But back to the issue at hand.   

I wrote a post similar to this one back in the fall of 2007, but gee whiz and shucks ya’ll, my dislikes have grown exponentially since then.  I thought a post such as this deserved an updated version, so here you go. 

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Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say These Days:

• Yes kind attentive Saleslady,  I’ll take those pants in a size 4.

• I’ll pay you back. Promise.

• Yes, this meal is homemade.

• Noam Chomsky’s writing is just a little too Conservative for my tastes.

• Do I LOOK like I need my chin waxed???

• Jim J. Bullock did amazing work on TV’s “Too Close For Comfort”. He was robbed…ROBBED of the Emmy!

• Why, of course I’m a registered Democrat.

• Oooooooof.   That Mu’Ammar Qaddafi is so hot. That face; that hair!   That oh so sparse chin fuzz.  Man, those Libyan bitches are lucky!!

 gaddafi.jpg

• I’m getting up an hour early so I can be the first to enter the gym the minute the lights go on. Spin Class…YIPPEE!!!!!!

• Mr. Vick, I’m looking for a good home for my beloved dog, Scraps.

• Let me pick up the tab. Really. Please, allow me.

• I’ll take the Cowboys to win AND beat the spread.

• No thanks, I don’t drink.

•  I want to catch Nancy Pelosi on O’Reilly’s show later on tonight.

• No, sorry can’t make it.  I want to watch Dick Cheney being interviwed by my favorite talk show host of all time, Keith Olbermann.   He’s so wise and sane.

• Joy Behar is my role model.  She’s brilliant.  Love her shy and demure ways.   Going as her on Halloween.

• I refuse to eat carbs.  Just a salad please.

• I’ve never eaten pot brownies.

• I’d kill to see “Boys To Men” in concert.

• Joe Biden is the most interesting man on the planet. 

• That Dane Cook is sure one hilariously original comedian. 

• I’d hate to be locked in a small bedroom room for a week with George Clooney and TV’s Jon Hamm and there’s nothing for them to eat in there except Viagra .

• I hope Hillary Clinton will run and then capture the Democratic nod in 2012, then I hope she wins the presidency. I think it would be great for this country.  Bill will help guide her,  especially when it comes to properly educating our children.

bill-clinton.jpg

And the last that you’ll never, ever hear me say…

• OK, I’ll try it if you really want me to, but is there any actual “blowing” involved?

cv

One comment

  1. • I want to catch Nancy Pelosi on O’Reilly’s show later on tonight.

    • No, sorry can’t make it. I want to watch Dick Cheney being interviwed by my favorite talk show host of all time, Keith Olbermann. He’s so wise and sane.

    • Joy Behar is my role model. She’s brilliant. Love her shy and demure ways. Going as her on Halloween.

    Those alone are worth the price of admission! Well done…. now, how do I get eggnog out of my keyboard?

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