The All New Click-A-Hubby

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As a career woman who heads up the world renown, Laurie Industries, I believe I have a firm grasp on what today’s more mature woman wants and needs in a life partner. For reasons partially beyond my control, I myself have never been married…not for my lack of trying.

Well, not necessarily.

But I have gone on my own vision quest in search for the perfect mate and I can attest that there are very few “good catches” out there. That holds especially true for smart, witty, erudite, ambitious and semi-frigid women like me.

Like so many women today, I’m too old to settle and too vulnerable not to.

So, that’s why we here at Laurie Industries decided to start up our own special clearinghouse website this past January. The results have been stupefying!!!

Our certified matchmakers from the University of Phoenix On-line have taken the time and trouble to compile listings of available men from around the world, from all walks of life. They’re ready, willing and able to bring you love, devotion and relative happiness. Basically, we’ve done the leg work so you don’t have to.

Our men are 100-percent real members of the global community and practically heterosexual. Sure, some don’t speak English but when it comes to love, everyone speaks the same universal language.

Your “Mr. OK, Why The Hell Not” could be a simple mouse click away.

Visa, MasterCard and select farm animals are accepted.

Happy shopping, Ladies!

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THE MEN FROM OUR OCTOBER COLLECTION:

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Raymond is 31 and currently lives in his mother’s converted basement in Muncie, Indiana:

I dig long hot chicks who don\'t hit much

“I am lactose intolerant and believe that for every drop a rain that falls, a flower grows. Will you be my flower? I’m terribly allergic to all aspects of pollen, but with my inhaler, steroidal nose drops and various skin emollients, I figure we can still date. My mother will be happy to take us anywhere we’d like to go. Do you like your men like my Mom does? Slightly sweaty, mildly frightened and late at night when I pretend I’m asleep?”

Raymond……LOT #98r9ee8…………CLICK HERE

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Claude will be 31 in November. Surprise!! He’s a Virgo and lives in Duluth, Michigan:

Raymond loves the ladies

“I’m looking for a woman who’s unafraid of convention. Other than that, you must be Jewish with child bearing hips and be at least a fourth level Mage in Dungeons and Dragons Version 2.8. I speak fluent Esperanto and Klingon with a decidedly Hungarian accent and yes, I can make aluminum foil from scratch. I’m a very mature 31 and have relevant hair in relevant places. This, in spite of the fact that I endured a two year stint in the Worster State TB Hospital in Massachusetts. I’m currently under a doctor’s care for regurgitative flatulence and armpit acne. I have a license and can drive during daylight hours with adult supervision and my asthma harness. I am looking for a woman to call my own. Therefore, it would help if you’re actually named “My Own”.

Claude……LOT # 57r9op3……….. CLICK HERE

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Yaghovi is 38 and calls Outer Ukerjhan, Someguynamedstan:

Whirling Dervish

“Hello American lady with breasts of girth. Pliz to make sex on you with force of many oxen. From village, I am thought to be viral as men go. Have staying power of muscular May pole hour many hour. I ken do sex on you every night. Also, pliz to be wife that is of performing job blows. Not sure what is that, but am read about it in “Gulag Slutz Weekly”. You are her, yes? Contract me, Foxy Lady and decent sound of lovely music I can make which you and your fine shape az”.

Yaghovi……LOT #74q0ur5………..CLICK HERE

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Juan Carlos is a.46 year old native of La Crotcha del Fuego, Bolivia:

Juan Carolos

“Ay,. I’m proud Bolivian but part Irish, too. I think part Irish. I guess that why I sometimes called “Pedro Phile” by the Bolivian Policia–not sure why, but I eegnore them and continue on with my yob as a Teacher’s Aid in a pre-school class where I am at my happiest. I love the leetle chidrins. I not so much looking for an esposa wife as much as I need una mujer that has a young, muy bonita daughter…..or son. I no particular. Come on….PEEK ME…PEEK ME!!!!!. I mow your lawn, too!”

Juan Carlos…… LOT #37d4ep7…………CLICK HERE

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Simon is a shy, quiet 22 year old who collects bee larvae and scabs. This soft spoken lad hails from Lipstick on Avon, United Kingdom

hunk

“Pppppffffffftttt”.

Simon…… LOT# 35j9dp1………..CLICK HERE

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Tad K’s exact age is unknown and his address has been narrowed down to a tin roofed shack somewhere in the remote backwoods of Oregon

dklgolsllllllllllllllekdosddddddddddddddddddddddddduuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu6yyyy

“As an isolationist, I’m a bit lonely and lately, I seem to want to rectify this nagging problem. That said, I seek the company of a woman who’s also extremely ticked at technology, logging and natural encroachment. Other than that, I’m a n absolute wiz at math and encryption and have at least six advanced degrees from several Ivy League institutions. I once taught Advanced Applied Mathematics at Berkeley, along side my cousin, Ted K. …My turn ons? I spend a lot of time writing manifestos and tinkering with C-4 and it’s practical applications within the U.S. Postal Service. As for my perfect mate? I guess you could say that I’m looking for the “nitro to my glycerin”. Are you she? If so, write me and let me know. There’s only so much hatin’ on the military industrial complex that one man can handle all by his lonesome!”

Tad K. ……. LOT # 54321………… Probably best if you don’t click here. In fact, if you choose Tad, it’s probably a good idea to never, ever click anything in his presence. The same applies to opening packages he mails you. Don’t do it. If you must communicate, we suggest sending telepathic thoughts or a homing pigeon with a death wish.

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Nathaniel is 27 and will be 34 before you’ll get the chance to actually meet him. He currently lives in a very secure dormitory setting for men only, just outside of Olathe, Kansas.

Where\'s Nathaniel??

“Gee, sex is real important to me. That means I’m looking for someone who’s sexually adventurous and daring, willing to try and do everything. It wouldn’t hurt if you had the ass of an 18 year old Mexican national named Paco, serving 10-to-20 for assault with a deadly weapon.

Nathaniel……LOT #84o0rf……….. CLICK HERE on May 22, 2015

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Broderick is 38 and in spite of battling several unnamed learning disabilities and a severe speech impediment, he works as a professional leaf blower for former actor, Leif Garrett, comedienne, Carol Leiffer and the star of “Frasier”, Jane Leeves.   

“I woves da wadies. They’s fine buh. I buh be buh lookin’ for da love buh of buh my buh life buh!! ..I’d buh be buh even more buh happy iffin you was my buh birlfriend, shit. Say, you buh wont yo Schefflera blown?”  

Broderick……LOT #89hy4a……….CLICK HERE … (SWEET DEAL ALERT!!!!!… SWEET DEAL ALERT!!!! .. Broderick’s family will PAY YOU to take him off their hands!!!!!!)

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Clark is a 28 year old sterile Albino with a significant lower jaw malocclusion and severe anger/rage issues. He also has one of the worst cases of ADHD known to man. He lives in a cramped, one room apartment in Tempe, AZ. He only owns windbreakers and believes that every window is a portals to Hell.

Wants to legally change his name to Cerberus Glandularino Cockroastin’ Jones, the III.

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“What are you lookin’ at Asswipe? .STOP STARING AT ME!!!! Wow, there are 12 ones on that calender. You’re no prize, either. Jeez, I took one look at you and thought you were my mother’s douche bag, but that can’t be; THAT’S in Peoria!!! Does this grouping of moles on my forearm look like the Liberty Bell? What? You think you’re better than me? Don’t pick me, whatever you do. I won’t resp—-Ooooh look! A new penny!!”.

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Is CLICK-A-HUBBY© right for you? You’ll never know unless you try it. But we’re confident you will be delighted. Our client roster grows daily and now numbers in the tens. We’re certainly proud of CLICK-A-HUBBY’S© and it’s proven track record.

Read our success story.

Mavis R. from Macon, GA writes:

Dear Ms. Kendrick,

CLICK-A-HUBBY©  changed my life. Or at least, I think it would have changed my life. I ordered Dimitri from your “Cavalcade of Hunks–January Edition”. I was all ready for my life with this former KGB informant and professional sin eater, but unfortunately, the harsh conditions involved in international shipping were too much.

Dimitri was already dead when I opened the crate!

But thanks anyway, Ms. Kendrick and fear not, all’s not lost. I remain optimistic. I’m having yard sales every weekend to raise enough money to shop in this October’s “Manly Men of Bosnia Who are Missing A Limb As A Result of A 1994 Village Skirmish Stemming From The On-Going Ethnic Cleansing Practices in The Former Yugoslavia”

I CAN’T WAIT!!!

Signed,
Mavis R.
Macon, GA

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See? Mavis is just another happy and almost satisfied patron of CLICK-A-HUBBY©. You too can also find some semblance of the happiness you seek. If not, we’ll offer a slight percentage of your money back in a hastily written promissory note.

But we feel certain that won’t even be factor.

How sure am I that you’ll find some satisfaction through our unique dating/marriage service? Well, I’d like to remind you, that I’m not just the President of CLICK-A-HUBBY©, I’m also a client.

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5 comments

  1. LOL! LOT #74q0ur5 cannot read past this one…maybe later!!! ahahahahaaaaaahhhhhhaaaaa

  2. Are these men on CLICK-A-HUBBY© or DATE-A-BASKET-CASE©? Just be sure you pick one who knows how to use modern bathroom plumbing.

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