Album Covers To Cringe By

There are have been countless blogpostss and articles written about album covers that are just plain scary.  I’ve seen them all.  Hell, I even posted a few myself, but recently, I’ve been the lucky recipient of a few ‘new’ album covers that somehow missed that first round of collective “WTF’s” and “OMGs”.  You know the ones I’m talking about–they’re uttered through gasps and expressions that mimic  the ones we’d make after smelling the rank and fetid contents of an unwashed human navel.

I think we all know those particular expressions.

Well, prepare those same facial muscles for another round grimacing.  These album covers were sent to me in an email which I opened while talking to a friend about his impending divorce.  Oh, how I laughed at the wrong time and then had to explain that it was a chuckle inspired by the abject irony of his situation.  I think he bought it, but he did ONLY because I brought it home with some finesse style tap dancin’, the likes you could only see on, “So You Think You Can Dance”. 

 Ready???

Blessings?????  Is that what the Sutherland family calls it????  

And one more thing, that child has awfully skinned knees.

Hhhhh’mmmmm……

Some of these album covers do not require that I crack wise.   They are self-explanatory.

Give it up for “The Frivolous F*I*V*E”.    I have it on good authority that the cream soured AFTER it was applied to their bodies.

Meeee-ouch!!!

 

If Wynona Ryder cut off her hair and peroxided it a la Warhol, then donned HUGE Swifty Lazar type glasses and then morphed into Mike Myers’ Dieter, she would–in my own eyes– look just like this,  providing I rubbed acetone in my eyes with heated Brillo pads first. 

The album also includes a bonus track:  how to give the camera coy, furtive and creepy glances.

The sister in the middle is obviously the pick of the litter.

I actually think the man/woman posing on the album  cover below is Susan Boyle dressed as a man who’s dressed as a woman, who looks like a man in drag who’s trying to look like TV’s Marie Ramone from “Everybody Loves Raymond” (actress Doris Roberts) dressed as an effeminate Soupy Sales.

Gee, I wonder which one of the four guys on the album cover below is Al Davis?  

What’s wrong with this album cover?   Oh, there’s a significant problem with this, my friends!!!  Take a good, long look and tell me if you can see how truly offensive it is.

Can you see it?   Yeah, thought so.   How tacky is it for that bat shit crazy broad, Anna Russell to appear to be going on safari in deepest, darkest Africa wearing a housedress, pithe helmet,  red beads and pumps?????   Hare DARE she perpetuate a stereotype!!!

And if that’s not bad enough, EVERYONE knows ferocious natives don’t wear  matching cotton/poly kilts in powedered blue!!!!!!

Huh????????

This album was DESTINED to become a huge tit, er uh, hit.  That’s right…hit.

Maybe, but by the looks of things, I think Satan got there first.

The Right Reverend Kevin Costner puts acting and directing on the shelf long enough to don a cassock, a pipe–his glasses from the movie “JFK” to strike a thoughtful pose.   The album indicates Father Kev has taken up singin’.    He’s recorded an album filled with the classics–Moon River, Danny Boy, Tiny Bubbles, San Francisco and that HUGE boffo hit “Others”. 

The album was produced by studio legend, “Pete O’Phile and on the “Schoolyard” label.

But wait!!!   There’s more!!!!!

 /

How about “Snap–What dat??”   What’s with the angry, petulant looking, angular faced man on bended knee in the front circled in red??  

Why it’s Morty Loebenstien, the angry, militant Zionist who IS the undisputed master of the rock and pop Zither.  

And of thalidomide, apparently.

This album features Peggy “Nubz” Kramer playing her famous rockabilly rendition of Puccini’s, “La Boheme”.

More like jihad.

This album features Dad, Ed Scofield tickling the ivories on his portable Wurlitzer, which he takes with him everywhere.  Also in this collection, you’ll hear wonderful tunes that are kept in perfect rhythmic syncopation because of son,  Baby Huey, who’s still recovering from that Pituitary gland transplant.    The tyke, who’s only five, yet stands 6’1″, insists on playing the snare like a bongo and really, at 274 lbs, is anyone going to tell him otherwise??? 

Ever get the feeling from the incredibly pained expression on the face of the Playmate in pink, the one in front who’s driving this pink, Penis Scooter is feeling MUCH more discomfort than the rest of the clutch-crazy daisy chain behind him????

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9 comments

  1. OMG!! I did a classic spittake with this one. Hilarious! Some of these covers are truly bizarro. I am hoping that none of those faces appear in my dreams tonight. 🙂

  2. Funny stuff as usual, Laurie! I think my favorite was “Music to Massage Your Mate By”! However, did you know that The Shaggs were actually a favorite of folks like Curt Cobain and Frank Zappa? Zappa said that they were “better than the Beatles” and that they were the #3 best band in the world. Cobain said that “Philosophy of the World” was his #5 favorite album of all time. Wikipedia has a great article on them.

  3. Of course, now that I have downloaded the song “Philosophy of the World” and am now listening to it, I remembered that Cobain did a lot of drugs and Zappa was just plain nuts! The album cover correctly reflects the quality of the artistry, trust me on this one!

  4. The Handless Organist cover begs comparison to the “Keyboard Cat” on Youtube for some reason.

  5. PS, here in the UK we have a show called Little Britain, the “I’ve got confidence” one looks like the two guys off that, dragged up…

  6. Holey Moley! I can’t stop laughing LK!!! And I have a fair amount of coffee spray to be cleaning up. ..

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