Haven’t Seen, Heard Or Done That In A While


I am a classic insomniac who gets toyed with by my own Circadian Rhythms.  They taunt me with maybe, two to two and half hours of sleep each night, which is   hardly fair.   That means I get a lot of TV watching in between tossing and turning and since I just can’t bring myself to watch the major networks, I watch mostly satellite channels.  And I can tell you, as any decent insomniac can, that 24 hour TV is a misnomer. 

Oh yes–there might be something broadcast on each channel, but I don’t consider an infomercial hawking Bare Minerals or the  “Naked and Funny” boxed sets or that damned Magic Bullet food processor thing with that weird British guy and that broad in the sun dress who entertain their loser friends sitting around the kitchen island with the so-called culinary feats of this contraption, as entertainment.

Now that I think about it, there should be an awards show for infomercial industry.   

  • Most Annoying Pitch
  • Best Former B List Actor/Actress In the Autumn of His/Her Career Now Relegated To Being The Paid Spokesperson for Improved Prostate Health
  • Infomercial With The Loudest Volume At 3 am  
  • Best Member of Studio Audience Who On Cue, Can  Pretend To Be Both Entertained and Amazed By Said Product

But I did see a regular commercial on one of the channels in the upper 200’s that I hadn’t seen or thought of in years–a shoe horn. 

Seriously, it’s been years since I’ve seen one, much less used one and they seem to be coming back into vogue.  But the shoe horn of the new Millenium is now long and looks something like a putter for dwarfs.   It allows you to remain standing to slip your shoe on as opposed to the old “pain in the back” days when you had to sit and hunch over to get your heel in a less than compliant shoe.

And when I started thinking about all the things that once played a prominent role in my life, my head started to spin.  Not like Linda Blair’s (another example of someone off the radar of the general population), but metaphorically speaking.

Por ejemplo:  when was the last time you or someone else, actually browsed the classifieds??   As in the form of the newspaper and spread out before you on the coffee table in the den??

I’ll bet it’s been a while since you’ve been at someone’s house and heard a land-line ringing.

Speaking of sounds, remember that which a dial-up modem made upon connecting?

Try to remember when the last time you were in a bank, much less stood in line at one and watched someone walk up to the teller to withdrawal cash.

 A residential phone book or Yellow Pages?  Haven’t had a phone book in my possession for years. And these days, unless a dog peed on a book, most kids have NO IDEA what Yellow Pages are.  Hell, today’s kids aren’t even that familiar with books!

While I still turn on the TV for breaking news on occasion, I’m more inclined to go straight to the computer to get the poop on a breaking news story.

I can’t remember when I last actually bought a CD.

I also realized that I’m seeing fewer and fewer kids with acne in the new Millenium.  Back in my day, it was nothing to have several classmates with faces that looked like the back of a Nestle’s Crunch Bar.  Not today, nor am I sure why.  

I can remember  my sister Kathy battling acne on occasion.  She’d use this Black Head Exctractor….a stainless steel strip with two small holes on either end. 

Here’s how it worked:    You’d place the opening over a zit, apply pressure and out popped that little gross blob of black, white or red (depending on HOW MUCH pressure you applied.

I can remember Kathy walking out of the bathroom with red, round indentions all over her face.   These probably did more harm that good and if they’re still around, I haven’t seen them.  I would imagine these near barbaric devices are frowned upon by anyone in the dermatological business.  

TV antennas.  Gone.  They used to be atop every TV (rabbit ears) and on top of every house.

And what about these dreadful things? 

Cursed pink sponge curlers.    

Ugly things.  Ostensibly made to be slept in for optimum effect, but they were sol uncomfortable and that pink plastic arm that secured the curler in place (like the zit extractor above) always left odd-looking indentions in the hair.

For those of us who were  little girls in the 50s’ and 60’s, Mom-slash-Torquemada would wash our hair Saturday night and put these things in our hair and we’d sleep in them, only to wake up Sunday morning to have that curly look for Sunday preachin’.

l looked all over for a photo of  the classic pink sponge curler and could only find them here….all kitsched out it in the form of earrings.   

I don’t see soft drink machines that dispense glass bottles anymore. 

In-studio cameramen have been replaced by computerised cameras that move at the director’s bidding.

I haven’t listened to AM radio in a very, very, very long time.

There are a lot of things that are out of my radar range (another thing I haven’t seen since the late 70’s) , but that doesn’t mean they don’t still exist.

A primo example of that is the male member.  I’ve not encountered one in quite some time, but I’m reasonably sure they’re still around.   

I dunno…call it a feeling../


One comment

  1. Do you remember George Carlin’s bit about the blackhead remover? He said you would find ads for them in the back of magazines, maybe even comic books. He said they always showed a crude drawing of before and after and because of that ” . . . you knew it worked.” He then said all it really did was put a red ring around it.



    I was never really much of a Carlin fan,so I’m not familiar with his bits. But I remember seeing my suster walk out of the bathroom with a face ooking like it was half a Tic Tac Toe game


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