Things That Bother Me

Right off the bat,I’ll share with you that I am.very much  annoyed  by particular breed of woman.   You know who she is.    You’ve worked with her.  You went to college with her.  She’s your sister in law or the annoying girlfriend of your husband’s best friend.  She’s “that chick” and what is it about “that chick” who thinks every guy is interested in her and/or coming on to her?    I once knew a young woman who fancied herself to be “all that” and she would constantly tell me how upsetting it was that every man came on to her.  

One man asked her for the time.   I heard him pose the question.   She construed that as a come on.   I asked her how she derived this and she replied she could tell he just wanted to see her face and bod close up.   

Oh really?

This kind of rampant insecurity is sad and pathetic, but it’s also very annoying for those of us who have to hear about it.   On the surface, one might think she’s trying  to laud it over our heads.   No, I believe she’s trying to convince herself that she’s viable.    Sadly, male attention validates her.

I love love, just like the rest of the world.   I am looking for Mr. Goodbar and have made no bones about this quest and the fact that I’ve made horrendous mistakes along the way.   I  also have a decent amount of healthy self-esteem that’s often humbled by reality.   While it’s taken a while for me to be comfortable in my full acceptance of my own  “warts and all”  mentality,  I know my limitations and choose to work within them and with eyes wide open.   While I make every effort not to sell myself short,  I know there aren’t that many gray areas in life.   White is white and black is black and sometimes, a question from a stranger is just a question from a stranger. 

Therefore, if a guy asks me for the time, it’s probably because he forgot to put his watch on that day.

There is a special place in Hell for the arrogant, self-absorbed assholes who refuse to place their shopping carts in the parking lot cart corral once their groceries have been off loaded in the car.   There is nothing more aggravating than to be in a hurry, see what you think is a stellar parking spot close to the door, only to pull up to  find there’s a cart smack dab in the middle of the space.

Place your carts in the proper place people.   To do otherwise is rude and socially stilted behavior. 

 Are you so busy modifying the Atlas III rocket so that it runs on stale Post Toasties, that you can’t return your damn shopping cart?  

If so, say hello to Cerberus for me, ya big crotch-hair.  

While I’ve got a grocery store vibe going here, if you’re in the check-out line and you have a basket full of groceries and you look behind you and there stand a woman with a bunch of bananas, a bag of Fig Newtons and one lukewarm Yoo Hoo, be considerate and let her go through the line ahead of you.  

And please, don’t try to tell me you can’t because you’re pressed for time.  You have 54 items brimming over the sides of your cart and if you were in a hurry you’d be holding the same number of items that the guy behind you holds.  You certainly wouldn’t be shopping for the month.

Keith Olbermann.

The name alone sends shivers down my spine.  I think he’s crazy.  certifiable so.   He’s got that rage-fueled delivery that’s so venomous like everything he talks about his a personal affront.   I swear if the camera did an extreme close-up, you’d see his kaleidoscopic pupils strobing to the beat of a tune no one hears but Keith.    I hear he’s been suspended indefinitely from MSNBC…something about campaign contributions.   I think Olbermann is mentally deficient with enough issues to wipe down 48 high school cafeteria kitches—–twice. 

Keith is crazy and the Left’s answer to Rush Limbaugh and just as annoying as Libs feel Glen Beck is.    All I can say is thank God he was on MSNBC where his viewership of 38 was able to hang on his every insane, spit and froth delivered word.      He’ll be back soon, spewing HIS particular version of hate and vitriol on a TV screen near you–providing nothing else is on wrong or your being punished for misbehaving.

And lastly, I am made nutsy cuckoo by actress, Lisa Rinna’s lips.  

To me, they look like two sausages strategically bent around her mouth.   

At 45, she has a surgically processed body but her surgical-slash-sculptor did a decent job.    I know several men (and women) who admire his or her handiwork.

Behold, Mrs. Harry Hamlin → 

Pretty lady,  huh?   She’s truly lovely and her personality is cute and bubbly.

Twenty-three years ago, Lisa grew tired of her thin lips and after watching “Beaches” in which Barbara Hershey appeared with collagen enhanced lips, Lisa decided to do the same, but with one difference.   She would look for a doctor who be willing to put silicone in her lips.  Unlike collagen, silicone is permanent and never loses its shape.    She never has to go in for booster shots.    It’s permanent.

Get a gander at these babies used to look like:

At one time, you might have found this bee stung look to be hot and/or alluring. 

 I found them distracting.   I imagine them to be hard and unpleasant…like kissing a bean bag.    She was on a recent edition of “Celebrity Ghost Stories” and I have absolutely no idea what she talked about.   I was transfixed (and not in a good way) by those inner-tube like lips of hers.   She may have conveyed a fascinating story about her life in a haunted house.   If she did, I didn’t hear it.   Her lips made my mind race.  I kept thinking of things that they reminded me of Mr. Bill’s mouth.  


And then I thought no, no, no Kendrick!    Think along a more sophisticated line.  Then,  I remembered studying this critter in college.  

Her mouth reminds me of that of a lamprey eel.


Then I thought, “Come on, Self…you can narrow it down better.   What does it remind me of??   Think.   THINK!!!”

And then it hit me . 

I got all National Geographic Channel.  Lisa Rinna’s mouth reminds me of lip plates used in certain African tribes.



EDITOR’S NOTE:  (UPDATE)   I understand she recently had a procedure that removed the silicon from her lips.    Atta girl, Lisa. The new smile is much better. You know, silicon has no business being anywhere near your pucker.  It belongs in microchips, as a main ingredient in caulk and of course, in boobs.   ,

La Rinna's lips, before & after. I think she looks better with the deflated version. Before, the silicone just made her look like a freak.

And now, you may opine your ass off...

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