Agree or Disagree: You Tell Me

.

Since I’ve never been married per se, the instistution that it represents has always both confounded me and fascinated me.  Why?  Perhaps it’s because I come from a very fractured family–divorced parents; divorced grandparents, aunts and uncles…cousins too.   Hell, we could never even keeps dogs in our yard.   They always ran away.

And these days, I have many friends who are divorcing; contemplating divorce or are absolutely miserable in their marriages…some with significant mileage.  One troubled marriage I know represents 28-years worth of life together as husband and wife with grown kids, a grandchild, a dog and a picket fence that somehow over the years, became more like prison bars.

How does that happen?   Where does the love go?   What happened to the vows of matrimoney and when and did they become  so expendable?    How did it get so easy to throw a marriage into the scrap heap of love?

While I think I would someday really like to know all about the white lace, the bouquets and promises, I’ll admit once again, that the concept of marriage and forever scares me.   I spend a lot of time trying to understand the dynamic of marriage–coupledom, too for that matter– so I read a lot. 

This morning, I stumbled upon an article from Lemondrop.com.   Acccording to these guys, the key to a happy marriage is for the man to be at least five years older than his wife and she should be better educated.

Oh really????

I was always of the mindset that if you were on par, intellectually and from an educational standpoint, but this article begs to differ.   

Please read the article italicized below and  tell me what you think.    I’d be very interested in reading your throughts; your input. 

The practice of “marrying up” might be looked down upon by some, but when you’re talking age, it might be the key to a happy marriage. A recent study showed that the couples who were happiest and had the lowest divorce rate were those where the woman was at least five years younger than her husband — and when she’s better educated.

But it doesn’t work both ways. The same study claims that when the wife is older by five or more years, the couple is three times more likely to break up than if they’re the same age. (We’re looking at you, Demi.)

Does this mean that men with younger wives are destined to be happy? Perhaps. Another factor might be that we’re getting better at staying together; at least that’s what a different poll conducted by The Times of London stated: 54 percent o f those polled hadn’t even considered having an affair.

What’s the key to remaining faithful? Pretty obvious: a decent amount of sex. Of the respondents, 44 percent said they had sex at least once a week and 32 percent are having it two to four times a month. Two percent of the couples, who are obviously a little more limber, are having sex every day.

But that doesn’t mean everyone is remaining faithful. Compare the U.K. research with a 1991 survey from this side of the pond conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago. The study found 22 percent of married men confessed to being unfaithful, while only 10 percent of married women admitted the same. In 2006, the same survey by the NORC found that 16.7 percent of women admitted to infidelity — a dramatic increase.

What makes a person cheat on their partner? It’s a deeply personal issue, but according to Dr. Lauren Rosewarne, quoted in The Times, “People cheat to feel younger, different or challenged.”

Maybe, for those couples facing an age gap — and possibly an intelligence one, too — those extra years are enough to make the difference.

I’ve dated a younger man twice in my life.  Mercifully, neither relationship worked.  One was two years younger; the other was 14 years younger.  I had more in common with the older younger guy, but he had the integrity of slug pubes.  The younger younger man was cute, built very well and worked as a tennis pro.   We didn’t have much in common, other than all things carnal.  He wasn’t much of a conversationalist, but had this uncanny ability to know which wines went with Xanax.

.

4 comments

  1. In a relationship people fall in and out of love, but the gllue that holds them together is how they deal with the down times. The memories of the good times can pull a couple through a rough patch. I think that marriage is something that two people need to be committed to whole heartedly, because it is a constant effort to keep a marriage alive. I was married once for 13 years and tried every avenue to keep the marriage going, but unfortunatly, my ex husband did not put forth a whole heared effort and so we divorced. I had the good ortune of meeting the man of my dreams since then and we are constantly working to surprise each other and keep our relationship fresh. We have a strong bond and are best friends as well as lovers. I hope this makes some sense out of marriage for you. I think people jump in to often and do not know what to expect, then they feel trapped and want out. It is so sad. Here is to a life time of happiness and love! 🙂

  2. I’ve been married for 13 years, and I love being married. For whatever reason, it freaks me out that I am now married as long as my parents were before they divorced. I’m not scared of getting divorced myself, I just think it’s weird.

    Anyway, I’m not sure what the question is here…I don’t think there is any “magic” concoction of the right age versus education versus money or whatever else to make it work. I think everybody contemplating marriage needs to realize that when you get married, things don’t just take care of themselves.

    Marriage is a commitment that needs to be properly watered and fed so that it can bloom beautifully for a lifetime of enjoyment. No, everyday isn’t going to be perfect, but what circumstance or relationship is? I think people are too lazy these days to nurture their marriage back to health. I had a friend who got divorced because she was bored. Huh?

    You have to work at it to keep it growing and thriving. If you get married, and then go off and each do your own individual things, then yeah, things will get boring or whatever and there will be temptation to cheat.

    But what happens when you cheat? Is that new and exciting partner going to be the answer to all your dreams? Doubtful. It’s likely that over time they will have annoying habits too and be just as boring as the previous partner. We’re all boring and need to get over ourselves.

    I think marriage is wonderful. It’s not scary. Hard, yes, but so worthwhile. When you can have a partner that knows exactly how to please you in every way, who gets all your jokes, who loves you despite what you look like in the morning and sick and bloated, who will be there for you through the crazy extended family pscho episodes, who calls you beautiful even when you’re not, who can talk to you without talking, who can make everything all better when you’re sad by a simple touch, who you can have a family with and surround you when it’s time for you to leave this world — what is better than that? Take a deep breath and get married.

  3. I emailed Jim Pruitt not long ago , and he emailed back. I’m still wondering what ever became of Mark Stevens.

    Is Mark still living , on Lake Conroe , and working for a media company ? I met Mark , when he was still doing the Hudson and Harrigan Show – with KILT.

    Mark , Mike Bilele , and myself appeared on a Kidney Telethon broadcast – on Channel 26 TV – in Houston. I got drunk , lured a bombshell into a dressing trailer and passed out cold.

    When I awoke , the telethon was completely over – and I was forced to call a friend to pick me up – at the station.

    My Reception Story : Mark Stevens announced he was getting married to Lynn Anderson; so I invited a girl I had met at the kidney telethon to accompany me – to the Stevens-Anderson reception – at Lynn’s house.

    My date and I had decided to get herbed-up – before attending the wedding reception , and Mark met us at the door.

    He knew we were both feeling no pain because we were glassy-eyed and humming old Iron Butterfly tunes.

    To make a long story short , The entire evening turned out to be great and we both were on our best behavior. There were two of Lynn’s friends , who attended , and they reminded me of the Smother’s Brothers.

    You probably remember me , for my portrayl of Wyomi Wanglancer , a retired 89 year topless dancer – who was always calling in to the show.
    Those were the good old days. Rock n roll , funny skits , crazy guests , and rubbing elboes with the greatest duo – in American drive-time radio !!

    Peace and LOve !!

  4. My faith tells me we don’t fall in or out of love. Love is a verb. It’s also hard work. Romance comes and goes, but love remains when a couple is committed to divinely-inspired vows.

    Having said this, I will also say my wife and I have struggled in our 19 years of marriage and this 19th year is perhaps the most difficult. It doesn’t get any easier. You just get a little smarter to know when to walk away for a time when the conflict gets a little too heated.

And now, you may opine your ass off...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s