The Agony. I Need A Hit Of Ecstasy.


Congratulate me.

I have now officially been unemployed for one year;   365 of the longest days I’ve ever endured.   They have been infernally long;  Asimovian almost.   I look back and question my existence.  I’m not sure how I’ve survived.  

And I do believe I’m worse for the wear.

I looked in the mirror early this morning.   I know I’ve aged ten years in the one that has just transpired.   And as my face hurdles toward Bea Arthur’s (in the days before her death), I panic.   Job wise, it’s slim pickins out there.   I just might have to move or worse, change careers.    

When it comes to work, I’m almost like an ambitious Communist hell bent on attaining Capitalism. I like to work..I NEED to work.  It actually makes me free and gives me a reason to be. 

 I work, therefore I am, perhaps.

If I don’t work, then I’m nothing?  

Oh no, I exist.  I stubbbed my toe against the dresser on my way to get depressed  by looking into  my make-up mirror and it certainly hurt enough to warrant full-on existence,  so that’s not the case.

What am I then?  

I am a statistic;  one of several million well meaning people out of work, out of money and as God as my witness, slowly going out of our minds with worry.    

Being unemployed in this day and age is horrible.   Filling out application after application is soul crushing.   And then, there’s the silence.   The phone doesn’t ring; Mr. Big Voice on AOL never announces you’ve got mail and if you do it’s either junk…..or worse. 

Last week, I actually got a rejection email from a company to which I never applied.

Two weeks ago, I received a letter from a large, multi-national corporation doing one of those childish thumbs in ears things and chanting ‘Nyah!  Nyah!  Nyah!    Don’t even bother applying.  We wouldn’t hire YOU anyway!!”

What to do?   What to do.

That convent my parents always threatened to send me to during my days as a young, care-free Libertine is sounding pretty good these days.  

The only problem is that I haven’t been to Mass in decades and it’s been even longer since I’ve practiced Catholicism to any real degree.   I’m COMPLETELY out of touch.

Gee, do burkas come in a size 10??           nun-big



  1. You do realize that I have a special place in my heart for nuns. I’m not sure however, it is a habit that suits you well. OK, OK, I’m not good at puns or wit.

    Maybe you need to adjust tactics a bit. Instead of applying to all these companies, maybe you can suggest they pick you up on retainer. You know, a fixed fee per month just so you won’t write bad things about them. Last time I checked extortion was paying rather well and seems to be recession proof. Oh wait… er… never mind.

    Well I’m out of ideas. Keep at it, I’m sure something will fall into your lap.

  2. I’ve been out of work for 455 days. At this point stir crazy seems normal. I do have two toddlers so technically I’m a SAHM. But I look for a job everyday. I need to work. I’ve exhausted all of my home improvement and craft projects. I would also like some money to pay these bills. This is the last week I can be unemployed. I have resolved to go to a temporary agency. Any work is better than none. I don’t know if it is a path you would consider but I wish you well in your search.

And now, you may opine your ass off...

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