Things You’ll Never Hear Me Say

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• Here, you finish this for me. I can’t eat another bite.

• I’ll pay you back. Promise.

• Oh, that was George Clooney calling again.   Why did I ever give that guy    my number?   What a pain in the ass!• How do these jeans make my ass look?

• Noam Chomsky’s writing is just a little too Conservative for my tastes.

• Jim J. Bullock did amazing work on TV’s “Too Close For Comfort”. He was robbed…ROBBED of the Emmy, I tell ya!!

• Why of course I’m a registered Democrat.

• I’m getting up an hour early so I can be the first to enter the gym the minute the lights go on.  5 am Spin Class…YIPPEE!!!!!!

• Mr. Vick, I’m looking for a good home for my beloved dog, Scraps.

• Let me pick up the tab. Really. Please…allow me.

• Mu’Ammar Qaddafi is so hot. Those Libyan bitches are lucky!!

gaddafi.jpg

• I hate beer.

• I refuse to eat carbs.

• I think Hillary Clinton will be the best Secretary of State this country has ever had!!  I think Bill and his vast diplomatic experience, will help guide her….especially when it comes to properly educating our children.

bill-clinton.jpg

• I’ve never eaten pot brownies.

• I’d kill to see “Boys To Men” in concert.

• Boxing promoter, Don King has one bitchin’ hair style.  Wish I knew his stylist.   Think it might be Consolidated Edison?

• Wow, I should NEVER have told David Carradine that I’d hang with him.

And the last that you’ll never hear me say…

• OK, just this once, but is there any actual “blowing” involved?

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And now, you may opine your ass off...

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