DATELINE: Houston, Texas. May 18., 2009. Interview takes place at a coffee bar.
LK: Hi Jonny!
JQ: Hello LK
LK: I want to thank you for your time in allowing me this exclusive one-on-one with you.
JQ: Yeah, it’s like, hey, what have I got to do with my time. I’ve been unemployed off and on for the past 45 years.
LK: Well, at least you’re back in the public eye again, although I hate the reasons why.
JQ: Tell me about it. I come out of obscurity, NOT to appear in an Extra “Where Are They Now”…oh no, no. Instead,I get summoned from Nowheresville to testify before a Senate sub-committee on unsafe, unsavory, unethical and possibly even criminal behind-the-scenes practices and activites on Hollywood production sets.
LK: Well, I know all about some of the things that have happened on LoriMar sets and I hear those Sit Ubu Sit..Good Dog people can be even worse, but are you going to sit here and tell me it’s just as bad in the world of animation?
JQ: It’s worse, LK! What I’m about to tell you, will shock you. I’m going to reveal a few things that went on behind the scenes on the Jonny Quest Show set. Incidents, places, people and the things they committed. Plus, I have photos to back them up. The studio camera wasn’t rolling, but one gaffer was popping still shots like crazy. I’ll show you the photos and I’ll explain each one. I really shouldn’t, but let’s just consider this a prep for my upcoming appearance on Capital Hill.
LK: OK. Go ahead, Jonny. It’s now your show.
JQ: First, Let’s take a look at the show itself, LK. You’ve got two single adult males who galavant all over hither and yon with two pre-pubsecent boys. Everyone could see the homo-erotic subtext that seemed to exist between my father and Race. My father never leaned that way. But Race? We’ll get to that in a minute.
But I have to admit, I always wondered why I wasn’t in school? Not even studio school.! Why was that? Odd too because I was never far from the set, other than location drawn in third world countries where even the uncivilized natives spoke fluent English.
But there was more to it than that.
I mean, look at me. Here’s a still of me from the opening credits. I was a good-looking kid. Healthy, polite, smart, had my own show and I was über fit. It’s no surprise that me, the whole package, was a total magnet!!
LK: Are you inferring that you were a magnet to all the chicks?
JQ: What chicks?? Unless you consider Hadji one, which apparently Race often did. We only had men, grown men around us 24-7. By magnet, I mean I seemed to attract the predators on set and there were plenty of them.
LK: Do tell.
JQ: Well, this is where Race comes in. Man, he was the biggest offender of them all.
LK: Really? I had girl friends who thought he was the cutest thing, even as a colorful and much older man.
JQ: His looks covered up pure evil, LK. Roger “Race” Bannon, by God, was always, you know, a gay.
LK: A gay?
JQ: Yeah. Here’s that bastard’s back story, LK. He was hired by my father initially to be his ponderously butch factotum, you know as in an all purpose fetch-all, but his part then emerged as my Dad’s strong arm and gun toting heavy. He was a man’s man, a real lady killer, but then we found evidence that that was only a facade; a role he was playing on and off the set.
Race made inappropriate sexual advances towards me, Hadji, my Dad..the entire cast and crew. He made Hadji and me very, very uncomfortable. Other kid actors felt the same way. In fact, they hated heing extras on our show.
See what I mean?
He liked us kids to hang around on the set, in nothing but our Garanimal briefs. He LOVED days when we were scheduled to be drawn underwater.
Plus, I found photos of his fondness for bondage in the glove compartment of the Quest Foundation’s hydrofoil.
And this one, too.
Did I mention drug abuse on the set? I remember that one episode drawn in Morocco. It was entitled:
After shooting one afternoon, Race forced my father at gun point to make a beer bong out of a test tube. He made all of us take massive hits from it. I don’t know if I was stoned or not, for dinner that night, I’ve never had better couscous and mutton and I don’t even like sheep!
And from the same episide, here’s a shot of Hadji and me, forced by Race to peruse his favorite magazines and stuff.
I was ordered to look through a Mail Order Groom Catalog which featured hairy men dressed in sheets from one of those ends in “Stan” countries.
Race told me to find a suitable looking potential “husband” who owned livestock…a few goats and a camel and a man who had all of his teeth. I don’t think I have to tell you how difficult that was.
Yep, that was my job. But I actually think Hadji had it worse.
Race forced Hadji to read one of his favorite magazines. The pages were wrinkled, stuck together and I remember Hadji telling me the thing smelled like Clorox. He’s also had to write a detailed, hand-written report on one of the articles.
He eventually wrote on “The Ins and Outs of Fisting”. We had no idea what it meant, but I think we walked out of my dressing room with Hadji having a far better understanding of that which comprised the act.
I say that because I could hear Hadji softly crying while trying to write the report. I guess I’ve lived a sheltered life, because while I know a few things, I still don’t know what the term “fisting” means. I forget what Hadji tried to tell me about what’s entailed in this process, but I definitely remember the magazine cover:
And now, after all of that, I have to testify about my life as a kid on a very jacked up cartoon set. Man, life is weird.
LK: Wow, Jonny. That’s some heavy stuff! Do you have any idea what happened to Race? Where he is now and what he’s doing?
JQ: He’s doing time.
JQ: That bastard was a hack actor who tried to get gigs after our show went teats up, but he could never find anything. Not even in commercials or as an Infomercial hawker.
His reputation as a Chicken Hawk, Maneater and sexual deviant was legend in Tinsel Town. He was turned down for roles all the time. As you can see, he even auditioned for the popular 80’s group, A-Ha to appear in the video for their huge smash hit, “Take On Me”.
But Race didn’t get the part of an angry, wrench-clutching SS officer and sadly, that ultimate rejection began his downfall.
About two years later, he was broke, lost his hair and gained alot of weight.
LK: How much weight?
JQ: You know now iconic red, double breasted Mark Linsday looking shirt which he never removed?
JQ: It was so stretched around his portly body, that the material looked pink. Anyway, he discovered Jim Beam and that became his constant companion. I guess he needed money and companionship, so he went on a bender and ended up getting arrested. He was busted while trolling for sexual favors at truck stops not far from Camp LeJune.
Here he is trying to cover his face in his perp walk, heading into jail.
But everyone knew it was Race. It was his trademark, solid Liquid Paper colored hair that never moved in the wind or under water.
That’s besides the point.
The reality is I don’t like that guy. Never have, never will. For all the horrible things he’s done, I’m glad he’s in prison. A lousy jerk wad guy like him will eventually get it in the end.
LK: Jonny, if he’s in prison, you can bet on it!
JQ: Oh, before we close this cara-a cara, I’d like to tell your readers to look for me on an upcoming episode of “South Park”. It’s only an extra’s part. I’ll be Angry Crowd Member # 3. They’re re-drawing my legs as we speak. I have to do something in order to create a much better ending for what will no doubt be my upcoming E! True Hollywood Story.
LK: Good luck with that and your appearance before the Senate sub-committee.
JQ: Thanks. Can I ask you a question?
LK: (I nod in the affirmative)
JQ: tDo I still look good in my blue dungarees and black turtle neck?
LK: You do, Jonny. Dare I say you look hot, especially in Houston in late May.