Happy Belated Penis Day!!!

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My apologies.  

In between turning 50 and dealing with the emotional  upheaval created by being unemployed, unloved and completely unamused by it all, I have been remiss in not properly acknowledging a day that is of vital importance to every straight woman and gay man on the planet.  

Penis Day.

It protruded onto the scene earlier this month in Japan.    It’s a long holiday–lasting the first weekend in April.    It’s a simple affair.   No Vesuvian-like eruptions of   fun and all its fluidity.   It is instead, a semenal moment in which our non-Occidental bretheren to the East celebrate the penis.    Often feted with parades. 

Modern day Japanese celebrate “Penis Day” as a rite of seasonal passage.   It’s Springtime and spring springs to mind newness, birth and rebirth, and of course, fertility.    And we all know the penis is one of two ingredients needed to pinpoint the real, grass roots definition of creationism.

And celebrate, they do.   They have for centuries.   This  particular Japanese festival in Komaki, celebrates a statue of a penis to which Geisha and her lovely bevy of  prostitutes prayed  in the 17th Century to protect them from sexually transmitted diseases.

THE HISTORY OF PENIS DAY

Legend has it that a demon in the statue would manifest itself  as the deity “Tamponisu” and would hide inside  the nether privates of a young girl and upon having sex, that enabled her to castrate every one of her husbands on their wedding nights.    Why?  Because it was thought that  the penis is a font of disease. 

Welcome to penile institution  that is marriage, honey!!!

In response to this,  a local blacksmith fashioned a large, iron phallus that was used to break the demon’s teeth, leading to the enshrinement of the big metal penis.   God only knows then just HOW the demons teeth were bashed in if in fact, it was “inside” the young girl.   Perish the thought. 

Oh, and I should mention that almost all of the penises in modern day Komaki are  hand-carved (as if there could be any other kind) and made of wood.

All things considered, when venturing into the realm of American lexicon and euphamism, wood is quite the appropriate substance.

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Apparently, it’s good luck to stroke the ceremonial penis.   I, however, have never found that to be plausible.

Nowadays this large, fully aroused penis festival is used to raise awareness & money for HIV/AIDS research.

THE EVENTS

If you ever go to the Penis Day festivities, you will see lots and lots of bandana sporting locals parading a giant penis around the streets gyrating it to the pulsating rhythms of  penis songs.   In Japan, this mode of music is called “Gag Time”.   It’s an interesting undulating beat. 

But I digress….

The parade leads to a temple where the huge penis is erected and then the rest of the day is spent paying homage to the phallus.   And there are two big events that evening:  one is a mock war in which Japanese get to laugh at Western religion.  It’s a battle royale between Jews and Genitals and the object of the fisticuffs is to argue which is better:  wholesale or retail.   And then that’s topped off with  an  auction in which penis-shaped radishes go to the highest bidder.

I used to know a guy in college named Dick Garnish…

The locals force open the door to the temple with this ramming rod.

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THE COLOR AND PENIS DAY PAGEANTRY

Local maidens in traditional cockstume, don the almighty penis as part of the parade procession.

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MAKING MEMORIES

For tourists, souvenirs are plentiful.  You’ll find shops along the parade route engorged with penis shaped trinkets and what not to remind of you of that very spatial day.

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As you can plainly see, Buddha represents Japan’s girth of a nation.

Concession stands are rife with penis shaped treats.    At this particular festival you will put nothing in your mouth that’s not penis shaped and you will drink imported Vodka only from penis shaped vessels.   The locals will tell you that nothing helps celebrate “Penis Day” better than a shot of chilled Russian Jackov.    As the logo states, “When you say Jackov, you’ve said a mouthful.  Please swallow responsibly”.

 Well, that’ll do it for this post.  Happy Belated Penis Day, ya’ll.   And next year, I encourage you to celebrate this wonderful tribute to the male dork.   You’ll have fun, plus it’s a great party.

Don’t blow it…or do.

.

27 comments

  1. American men don’t need a holiday to celebrate our members . . . every day is a special day for Big Jim and the Twins. It holds a deeper meaning for us because it works in tandem with our brains to control our every action, imparing most every other thought, and causing efficiency-killing fantasizing.

    Take care of yours, and he’ll take care of you. It’s symbiosis at its best!

  2. Four skins and several years ago, Penis Day had real meaning, now it’s just too commercialized.

  3. It’s kind of nice to see that someone somewhere says and does something positive about the Penis. Here in the US, it’s all negative, at least in public.

    Still, I don’t think we’ll see that kind of celebration in the US. I can just imagine the uproar……

    BTW, the Cook Co. States Atty.’s name is…….Dick Devine!

    Kev
    whatticksmeoff.wordpress.com

  4. I can’t believe I missed the celebration–why, I’m usually the parade marshall. HA (I know, I’m Irish, who am I kidding)

  5. I just noticed I’m the only female responding. Guess I have the balls to do so.

  6. japan and it’s humor,lol! japanese people could really be outrageous and yet, well.. they’re good in a lot of things

  7. Thank you for posting this!!!

    In all fairness of evolved, and honored equality to both genders… I would like to see a ‘Yoni and Lingam’ celebration parade.

    Think about this, if Americans could ever get to the point of honoring and talking about sex and sensuality like we talk about making bread, just think of all the misdirected ‘Negative’ energy that would be dissipated and then be able to be used in more socially positive and constructive uses.

    I mean really, we in the U.S., are so uptight about our sexual organs it is extremely disturbing. The sexual repression, fear, anxiety and shame that has been shoved into place by puritans, and recycled into continual paranoiac perpetuity by shame conservatives should be a crime against our humanity.

    As more and more are saying in the awakening of this planet that is currently in immense crisis, ‘Sexual repression is the root of a hell of a lot of evil…’ [Do I need to mention one rather large international organization that is continually being ravaged by sexual repression tribulations, that come out in some not healthy ways…?]

    Go ahead and do a search on ‘Sexual Repression’ and get a good look at why this seemingly silly, but honest and open event in Japan has a lot of truly quality human repercussions that our entire planet could benefit from.

    Have you noticed all the E.D. commercials, at least in America, that are running rampant on television these days? I would question how much of that need for this drug has its roots in basal sexual repression. Now, imagine if all that money that is being used for E.D., could get recirculated back into our struggling economy…

    Anyway, some humor for a rather important subject…

    What arrived on the scene first, the Yoni or the Lingam?

  8. I’m not sure WHERE you get some of your info from, but a “GOOGLE” search indicates that this festival does NOT occur the first weekend in April, but on March 15.

    IF you have different facts to support your claim, please LET me know !!!

    .

    This post was as much satire as it was based on fact. So, I screwed up the date—are you really that anal as to call me on this? This wasn’t a news article; this was a mere blogpost, a story and loosely based on fact and in case you didn’t notice, there’s no Pan Asian demon named Tamponisu, or did THAT one escape your prying eyes? I think I also included a misplaced comma in the third paragraph, yet you didn’t attempt to attach that to your fact-righteousness..

    Please, get a life and live it instead of waking up each day with the sole intention to find fault in other people and their work. Because dear Whoever You Are, this comment alone makes me believe that you think so little of yourself, that you have to demean others to feel better about yourself.

    Rather a waste of time as a best as I can tell.

  9. Oh dear… I think Mr. Bek was googling by innocent mistake for information on the Dick Head Festival… you know the one that seems to thrive with people not having anything better to do with their time than roam around the pla-net raising the angst level as thoughtless dicks…

    Anyway, so glad to know that Tamponisu is fictional. I was getting worried, because I thought it might be related to Tamponyaki.

  10. I made a simple inquiry. Your reaction is highly defensive and resulted in a personal attack. I HAVE a life. Funny how a comment about a penis turned itself to focus on my anus. What about Uranus !!!
    .

    This is the reason why I stopped blogging, Zev Bek. Seriously. The blogosphere is rife with shit stirrers and serial narcissists and frankly I’ve had my fill. I’m not saying you’re one. I don’t know you at all. Was my reaction, over the top? Probably, for that I’m sorry, but I’m not in a very good mood lately and perhaps I took it out on you.

    Nevertheless, I took offense TO the WAY you posed YOUR question. It read as though it had an underlying tone, what with all the CAPITALIZATION.

    Go back and re-read your comment. Tell ME it doesn’t come across as pointed and even accusatory.

  11. The owner of WAWA corp. is named DICK WOOD……
    no connection, I just think that is a funny name.

  12. I know this post is a few years old but I hope you are well. Your mood seemed a bit grim in your replies. I, for one, enjoyed this post immensely and thought your “insertion” of Tamponisu was hilarious! I’m sorry that people have soured your want to keep posting. I hope you will reconsider. I believe you have quite a knack for it. Thanks again for the LOL’s! ❤

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