Joyeux anniversaire à MOI!!!

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Today…this date;  this particular April 22 marks the 25² anniversary of my mother’s third and final Cesarean section delivery. 

Otherwise known as my 50th birthday. happy_50th_birthday_color_small     

That’s right..rally ’round.  Please leave greetings.     Wish me the best,  especially you readers from the U.K.and Rangoon.

Now then.    Jeez….where do I begin   At the beginning, I suppose.

The elders called her “Nonie”, which is Native American for “Runs While Criticizing  Daughters”. 

A little bit about my human incubator:   My sainted mother is short…4’9″ as of this writing,but make no mistake, she is incredibly tall and stalwart in every possible way.

She’s still an impressive woman, one year away from reaching octogenarian status, but don’t let the age fool you. She’s been successful in an industry that traditionally, has put more than a few good ol’ boys on their collective asses. She’s smart, tough and as we say here in Texas, “don’t mess with Mama.” She divorced my father more than 30 years ago. They continue to be disparate personalities. His name is Louis, so of course, that means my sisters, Kathy and Karol and I, are all productions of NonieLou Studios.

Over the years, my mater regaled me with stories about my nine month relationship with our obstetrician.  He who used to marvel at my how active I was en utero—apparently, I’d kick a lot. He called these the actions of a very impatient child who once born, would be on a mission in life. The good doctor once  said when he extricated me from my uterine hostel, he thought he saw random scratchings on the walls of my fleshy, vascular-rich cavernous dwelling.

Then, he looked closer and saw this:

And realized I was an artistically precocious fetus, as well as an impatient one.

And why not? I had things to do, people to see. Besides, I gestated inside another woman for nine months. Then, I spent about 18 years incubating beside her and now, 32 years later, I have become Laurie Kendrick–an incredible specimen that grew from concave titted  sapling to this incredible adult/woman/sister/daughter with no concept of the tautological constructs that exist in contemporary English.

Because it’s my birthday and I have almost everything I could ask for—almost—I’ve decided that I’m going to give something, instead of asking for something as I would ordinarily.

My present to you is unsolicited advice.

You see, I’ve learned something very important in recent days. I learned that if you seek approval from others, you’ll only be disappointed. Besides, you have to be OK with who and what you are before anyone else will.

I also learned that as a species, we humans aren’t very nice to each other. Some of us can be cruel. Vicious even.

Murderous, too.

We hear about illegal immigrants here in Houston who spent three days carjacking women, knifing one who refused to give up her keys because her four month old baby was still in her car seat.

That 36-year-old mother of four died a few hours later.

We hear about children raped and murdered by Sunday School teachers in California; about CEO’s who give themselves 500 thousand dollar  bonuses as a reward for enduring the loathsome task of  firing a third of their company’s work force.   

We hear about Ponzi schemes and hackers looking to steal identities as we sit and piddle on our Googles and play with our Yahoos.   

We hear about muggings, break-ins and robberies,  and we hear so much about the dissolution of loving relationships, due to self-centered behavior.

We hear a lot about destructive , toxic people.

Abused husbands and wives; emotionally tortured boyfriends and girlfriends.

There’s cursed, cursed infidelity.

There are women who are left with nothing when their worthless husbands (and “baby daddies”) walk out on them, leaving them to raise kids as best they can. Single motherdom makes these women incredibly angry, bitter and resentful. They’re miserable so they make other people miserable.

And there’s  way too much of that in the world.

So, last year in honoring  the formation of my 49th ring around my trunk, I wrote down a few things I felt strongly about and decided to make that my new screed and they all still hold true a year later.  If by some chance you want to give me something for my birthday, then think about these things for a second, then please, employ them in your life:

  • Be tolerant, but make sure your tolerance has a cap. Don’t take abuse of ANY kind. Ever
  • Don’t take people for granted
  • Love grandly, but not stupidly. There’s no such thing as unconditional love. You should never love someone who hurts you or inflicts ANY kind of pain on purpose
  • Be polite
  • Thank other drivers with a little wave or something when they allow you to merge into the lane ahead of  them
  • Be kind
  • Be considerate
  • Intent never precludes action and actions ALWAYS speak louder than words.  Do what you say you’re going to do
  • ALWAYS try to understand the incredible dynamic involved when these three words, “I love you” are spoken. Say them often and mean it
  • Don’t lie. Be honest with others and yourself, especially
  • Be generous with your time, your money and your affection
  • Never waste time. It’s too precious

And lastly, when everything is said and done, know this: people are made to be loved and things are made to be used. The reason why there’s so much goddamn strife in the world today is because we confuse the two. So often, things are loved and people are used.

That’s no way to live…

Or love.

~~~

Well, there you have it.

With maturity comes wisdom and acuity, and I regret that these are newfound things in my life at this stage of this whacky Milton Bradley existence, but  I want you to know that I meant everything I’ve written in this post.   I want you to find happiness. I mean that.  I want this more than anything.

It’s my present to you.

I did this last year and swore I’d do it again and just like my 49th birthday,  I sincerely hope that once again, I can give…..just as good as I get.

Here’s to humanity. 

Here’s to the return of joy.  

And here’s to necessary reflection.   

Life is an amazing journey.  It’s complex and ugly at times and when it isn’t, it can be easy and lovely to look at, even through 50 year-old eyes. 

You see, over the past few days, I’ve been going through that vast record collection I call life and I picked up  that huge LP  with it’s 50 tracks delicately etched into the vinyl disc and I studied it long and hard.  

Much to my suprise, I still have a B-side.

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25 comments

  1. Well, it’s here-so Happy Birthday, my “little” sista. Finally, you have reached our decade. It’s relatively painless and just think, you have nine years after this one til you have to dread 60!!!I was just thinking about you and your baby/childhood and began laughing. Sorry – not at you but just at things surrounding you (and us)all of your life. You entered this world as many people. Some may not know that you were not meant to be Laurie but actually Laurel. It just so happens that one of the nurses(there were most likely at least 3-4 at that tiny hospital in K.C.) decided on her own that she like the name Laurie Anne better so that’s what she put on the birth certificate. True story. I have always that you were more of the “Laurie” type anyway. You know, we sure did have a strange upbringing!!! Have a great day-enjoy mother another 24 hours and we’ll surely talk later.

  2. Happy birthday! Had mine five years ago now, but it seems like only yesterday. At least we still FEEL like we’re in our 30s, right?

  3. Happy birthday, Laurie. My brother was born on this day in KC two years before you. Have a great day and keep on doing what makes you happy.

  4. See, it’s not so bad. You’re still you. I’ve been thinking about you today and I hope that you have a wonderful day. You’ll always be that 20Something little sprite who fascinated me so much back in the day! When we finally meet up again, it’s gonna be like old times!
    Love, Eddie

  5. Happy Birthday, Laurie! Hope your 50th year is full of JOY…I like your list~it gave me lots to think about. I wish my mom could use the computer and enjoy your blog. She would have enjoyed your humor. Anyway…this birthday really isn’t bad. It can be a doorway to the next adventure. sj

  6. AARP will get you discounts especially at all the smart dinner parties. Buy a little off the shoulder blouse, a big scrunchy belt and some ballet slippers and you’ll be all set.

    HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU, CHERYL. HOPE YOUR DAY WAS SPECIAL.

  7. Thank you Karol. It was a nice day. I am very glad it is over.

    Yea Sara you did it!!!!!! You left a comment.

  8. Hang in there Sunshine. Another 40 days or so I’ll hit the half century make too. I’m going to start sending you some of the hearing aid flyers I keep getting in the mail.

  9. Happy Birthday, welcome to the 50’s club! Just be your self and be happy! You still have a great blog!

  10. Happy Birthday and welcome to the fabulous 50 club! Other than physically falling apart at the seams at an alarmingly elevated pace, it ain’t so damn bad 😉 Besides – we’re Texas women. We can weather anything.

  11. As I said, 50 is the new …

    Happy Birthday Laurie. As I wished another funny blogger, Romi, take a moment to reflect on the joy you spread through the interwebs with your comical visions and thoughts that you are nice enough to share.

    ♥ 😀 ♥ 😀 ♥ 😀 ♥ 😀

  12. By the way, this was a pretty nice post. Nice mixture of sad, funny, and poignant, along with the good advice. You come up with some awesome phrases and tautological constructs. 49th ring around your trunk! LOL.

    And I won’t say I told you so …

  13. Happy birthday Laurie. I called you a few times this evening so I could say it more personally but there was no answer. I hope that was because you were out with friends having a good time. I did leave a message but it was brief because I’m not very good at it. I also sent you an email but it came back as “undeliverable”. You are a super-cool woman. I’m glad to know you. You are very fun to be around and you have one hell of a cool haircut. Happy Birthday one more time.

  14. I’ve enjoyed a lot of your posts, assuredly more than I have commented on. But this one–at least for me–has got to be my favorite. So very well done. I love how you ended it; a ‘B’ side, indeed.

    I hope you had a great day . . . and because I think it needs to be said, I think older women are hot (you know, to a point, LOL).

    Happy Birthday, Laurie! :^)

  15. Oh, so TODAY was your big day. Well then, Happy Birthday AGAIN! Such a wonderful wisdom-filled post, truly your gift to all of us in Laurie-land. You are wonderful and a true joy! You inspire. You make us laugh. Thank you for sharing all that you do; rarely a day goes by that I don’t check-in just to see what’s on Laurie’s mind. And what a relief to know you will NOT be retiring from your blog.

  16. Happy Birthday LK! I hope your day was filled with joy and excitement! You know you are a special inspiration to me and I love to read your hillarious stuff. Keep it up and seriously let’s do lunch again soon–I owe you a B-day lunch again!

    -Murphy

  17. Happy Birthday!!! Hope you had alot of fun and happiness on your special day!

    Kev

  18. Happy (Belated) Birthday Laurie! Hope you had a great day, and I’m sure your ‘B’ side holds many surprises and good things to get you through the next 50!!!

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