This is a response to a previous post
Dear Uncle Bob,
Thank you for your letter. It contained sage advice.
You know, I’ve lived a very interesting life and I’ve rarely held back doing what I’ve wanted to do. Accomplishing this was more pressing in my younger years. But make no mistake, I had a good time just living. But back then, I suppose I felt as thought I had all the time in the world to make errors. I don’t feel that way now. I’m learning the defitinion of “finite” with the passing of each and everyday. Want to know something else, Uncle Bob? I’m OK with the past four decades. I can look back on my life and smile for the most part. That being said, I really don’t have any regrets regarding what I’ve done….but rather, who I’ve done. But those demons have been released and I continue working on forgiving myself for any indescretion that 25 years later, still makes me cringe. Very soon I’ll wake up and realize that’s rapidly moving water under a very steadfast bridge.
Even so, turning 50 has taken my mind to the most irrational places. Worry, fear…have I done enough in my life? The answer to that question is yes and at 50, I still have plenty of time to affect change where needed and really, I have nothing to fear. Intellectually, I know this. It’s just that the numbers of five and a zero, loom large.
I will turn 50 whether I want to or not. As long as I continue to draw breath, aging is an unavoidable fact of life. I’ll soon accept that. In the few waning weeks I have left of living in the 49th year of my life, I’ll just talk myself down from that miserable, lonely ledge and be grateful for everything. I appreciate this new mindset. I’m beginning to see that every mistake I’m made was actually a positive move. In other words, I’ve often been right, even when I was wrong.
And you know better than most, Uncle , life is very hard. On good days–if we’re lucky–for many of us, all we can aspire to is just settling at the level of “maddening”. It’s not always easy living in the constance effigy and apogee of existance. But this–be it good, bad or indifferent–is our lot in life. To quote Dorothy Parker, might as well live.
I can make no promises–I’ve learned better than to do that, but I will do my best to start loving better and being loved better. I’ll read more, be less cynical, be silent more, go inward more and count my soul’s blessings more often. I might try Ethiopian food, learn what Samhain is all about, learn the Tanakh, learn more about fiscal and emotional charity and all the while, I’ll doff that weight loss nonsense that’s plagued me my entire life and just live life a little easier.
I didn’t even give them a chance to melt.
Thanks Uncle Bob. Your wisdom is always welcome here.