Reader 1: Why is LK so happy? She never wishes us a happy weekend!
Reader 2: Yeah…Gee Wally, what gives? She’s usually as ornery as a Haskell. She puts the piss in pessimism!
Reader 3: That makes no sense.
Reader 2: Well, in print it doesn’t.
Reader 1: So, why then did you……? It’s not even spelled the…. Oh never mind, but it is a wee bit disconcerting whenever this broad is in a decent mood, much less when she’s outright happy.
Reader 3: Yeah, you’re right. Something is up. I don’t know what it is, but I think I should warn you all–gurd your loins!!!
LK: Fear not, readers dear. I am in a good mood and there will be no repurcussions as a result.
Reader 2: Uh, did you get laid then?
LK: No..and what exactly is “getting laid”? I seem to have forgotten.
Reader 3: Do we have a lottery winner in our midst?
Reader 2: Did you meet a nice guy who’s loaded?
Reader 2: Have you become a really successful prostitute? Did poverty force you to swallow your pride…and that of about 6000 different men at 50 bucks a pop?
LK: To answer all three of your queries: no, no dammit and HELL no! Settle down and I’ll explain why I’m smiling.
You see, I had a very important job interview with an entity under the auspicies of Harris County, of which Houston is the county seat. It’s media related and will be a sizeable advance in scope, scoop, and sciput. That’s what the ancient Hebrews called cash. I don’t know, I’m lying.
Anyway, the job would be a tremendous feather in le chappeau du Laurie. Not only that, I think I could do a great job at this job. More interviews are being conducted through Monday, but as I see it, I’ve got it in the bag. After I walked out of the building, I looked around. Lovely edifice…nestled amid the huge pines of NW Harris County. As I walked to my car, I noticed that the building street number on the facade was not only low, but rather loose. So, I burped sulfur as I donned horns, a tail and cloven hooves as I changed the numbers.
How deviously delicious is that???
(Inswert evil laugh with a clown photographed at a funky angle. Like a scene out of “Batman”…the Adam West version, thank you!!)
Wanna know what I did. Well, 4690 West Hughes is now 9064 West Hughes. Potential candidates will never find that building….ever!!
This job is mine. My vast journalist acumen be damned!!! Sometimes, you just have to screw with fate.
And building street addresses.
In the meantime and before Judeo/Catholic guilt makes me feel otherwise, I am happy and content and yes, dare I say optimistic.
And my readers–both of you–will reap the benefits.
My gift to you? Wonderful, hoot-filled cartoons to read and forward to your likewise skewed and deviant friends, until I return Monday….paler, weaker and 17 pounds lighter after a gut gnawing, guilt and angst ridden weekend.