Minimizing

As some of you might know, I’ve been on an odyssey of sorts over the past several months.   It is, of course, my “weight loss imperative” and I’ve done quite well, for the most part.  I think I’ve lost three to  four pounds in two weeks.   Yeah–I know, it’s a very slow process, but that’s the way I want it.  You see, I’ve tried all the crazy fad diets that promised me If I ate nothing but okra and suet for three straight days, I’d lose 18 pounds by the fourth one.   Insanity obviously, but dammit to hell, some of them worked!  But it was an incorrect process.  I’ve learned the hard way that losing weight too fast ONLY means you’ll gain it all back even faster.

I only weigh myself sporadically and sparingly.  You know, at cotton gins,  processing plants, and the like.  I do that because I don’t possess scales…save for the ones from my Psoriasis.  Therefore, I gauge how I’m doing by comments from friends and family and the change in the way my clothes fit.

So, on a dare to myself, I entered my closet and pulled out some cat fur that disguised a pair of jeans that haven’t seen the light of day since 2000.   I put them on and guess what?  I got the damned things on!!    Sure, the zipper dug into my skin and I actually heard the seams moan but hey,  at least I got them up and over MT. ASS!!!!!

Now, this was a TRIUMPH!!!!

I was feeling satisfied, cocky;  confidence was high.  So, I donned my walking apparel and headed out for my almost daily three mile trek.   As  I reached my 1.5 mile marker,  I heard a car pull up behind me.   Then, this guy started whistling.

OH MY GOD!!!    A man was whistling…at me???  And then he shouted “Hey”, and started banging on the passenger door.  Was he really trying to get my attention??  That hasn’t happened in years!!

Oh yes, I loved it!!   I felt good and I know that I felt confident and confidence, to me,  is sexiest thing a human can possess,,  I slowed my pace and tossed my hair like actress,  Marlo Thomas did at that-girlthe end of her opening  sequence from her mid-60’s sit com on ABC.

I felt kinda flirty, maybe even sexy.

I was all prepared to do a little vamping on Whistler’s Brother and I turned around,  just in time to see him help his stray Golden Retriever into the back seat.

I was human embodiment of ego deflation.

They drove away and I stood there a minute.  My pride, in case someone was watching, demanded that I act as though I’d dropped something and I paused for a second to scan the ground beneath me.

I felt as if I’d convincingly performed my scene; that I couldn’t find whatever I’d lost and then kept walking at an even brisker pace.

OK, so I’m not “That Girl”.    It wasn’t a big deal.

Besides, he was NO Donald Hollinger!!!

.

26 comments

  1. All I can say is, “man, we really needed that!”. It was getting ugly earlier. Even though you told this story to me, I laughed out loud at my desk after reading it. Guys ( I would say ya’ll but then it would sound too Texan-don’t want that, you know) she really looks good and is cute as a button. Of all three of us sisters, she would be the one to get a whistle. She has is all-brains, looks, and balls!!!!

  2. Well Sister Dear, I do so appreciate that lovely compliment. You’re not so bad yourself, Katrinka Ann.

    I’d also like to take this time to apologize too all of my readers who were following along with that incredibly childish exchange in an earlier post. I swear the only thing that was missing was a sandbox and a playground.

    It could’ve been a decent debate, but sadly, it collapsed into one of the most immature displays I’ve ever seen. I was waiting for the hair pulling. I’m embarrassed for both of them and I’m incredibly sorry that you were witness to that.

    Losing control of MY blog and its content is something I hate. This won’t happen again, I promise.

    My apologies.

  3. Yes, Karol, I didn’t mean to slight you. You were the petite one of the three. Best dressed and all…..long term boyfriend, etc. How could I have left you out??????? Never again. Promise. Hey, at lease both of you did try out for the pageant.

  4. Lar, you were in the Town and Country Days pageant, weren’t you? You won Miss Congeniality, didn’t you?

  5. Yes, but I’m afraid I didn’t amount to much in High School.

    Just….
    Miss Congeniality at the Miss Town and Country Days pageant
    Editor-In-Chief of the yearbook
    Class Treasurer My Soph, Jr and Sr. years
    Wittiest Girl
    Best Actress in District UIL competition One-Act Play
    VP of Blackfriars (our HS drama club)
    Cheerleader
    Homecoming Duchess
    Honor Roll

    and a host of other things that meant nothing to my entre into collegiate matriculation

  6. Golly, it sure is nice to be on a lighter note this evening. Wonder where Mr. Hammer is. Maybe all this trash scared him away. It’s Friday and that’s a good thing. Laurie, your accomplishments are impressive….I’m trying to dig some of mine up from the files. Times were very different back when I was in high school. I received some honors but not near as many of you earned! If I weren’t so old, I might be jealous!!!!

  7. That was only me being obnoxious Kathy. I did what I did because I knew of no other way to get attention from The One. Nothing I did worked.. Achieving became something of a habit. Because I continued on throughout college in my degree program.

    In my professional life, too. I did ONLY because I didn’t know not to these things. It became ingrained.

    But in recent years I’ve been all about failing. She likes it when I fail. That appeases her. That’s why I also endeavor to lose my jobs around Christmas time. I guess I should remain unemployed and broke–her birthday is coming up in June. Yeah, I suppose so.

    You know me..I aim to please.

  8. And anyway, Kathy you were no slouch.

    You were Friendlist Girl
    A cheerleader for several years.
    D.A.R Good Citizen
    And you were the HS band where you learned how to play the Jazz Bassoon.

    You were quite accomplished and I’m sure there are many other things in your quiver that escape my drug addled memory.

  9. It’s so good to be free!!!Free to be you and me. We are getting there, girls. I can feel it.

  10. sisters, i’ve had two bloody maries. tomorrow we’re taking a limo to runge. ordered my special champgane to drink whilst we rude. gottta run

  11. Sister…thou sayeth ye shall sip the fermented nectar of yon grapes whilst a limo shall bear thee hence to the village of village of Runge, and all the while thou intends to be “rude”? Did thou scribe that correctly, Sister?

    How comest to this decision, Karol? Tell me why and wherefore..did thou imbibe what thou sayeth?? Saguine Mary’s???

    That makes thee one big ass vampire, ay or nay?

  12. It has been awhile since I’ve been to Runge. I remember playing baseball there some, and their field had the light poles in the middle of the outfield.

  13. OK, you could include photographic evidence once in a while for those of your readers who aren’t your sisters. That’s right, an impartial panel to judge your progress.

  14. bb, runge is still there and so is kc. nothing’s changed except now in kc there’s a stop light at the intersection where the courthouse is. not a blinking one, an honest to goodness red, green and yellow light.

    as far as the little baseball field you used to play on, i don’t think it’s there anymore. in fact, runge is barely there anymore.

  15. Karol: I noticed the kc stop light when I looked on google maps in streetview and saw it. That is crazy. What’s next, a mall?

  16. Ok, you got me. There is a huge super Walmart in Kenedy along 181 that was built maybe two years ago. How long has it been since you were there? KC is left dangling while Kenedy is having all these new stores along the outskirts of it.

    But neither towns are the same as there were when we all were there, tearing the streets up. Kinda sad.

  17. It has been a long time since I went through Kenedy. You are right, KC always seemed to get ignored by businesses. Maybe that will change, since KC is a little closer to San Antonio.

  18. Not even having the new prison in town changed it too much. The pharmacy doesn’t have a grill anymore. You can’t get a fountain drink there anymore. It’s just a huge room with shelves sparsley filled with things. You should see what’s left of the Karnes Motor Co. You remember that my dad owned that place, don’t you? It’s almost gone, too.

    It’s sad to drive downtown and see that the area was left in some kind of time warp. Now you Karnes Citians out there reading, don’t get mad at me for saying that. I only know what I see.

  19. Yes, I remember Karnes Motor Co. well, and your dad. I think we bought our last car before we moved to Houston from him. A used Chevy Caprice. Didn’t JJ buy the pharmacy (which used to be a theatre)? I remember going there at lunch in Jr. High and buying a hamburger and a coke for 36 cents.

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