My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping channels. She asked, ‘What’s on TV?’
I said, ‘Dust!”
I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
“I’ll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.”
The waiter then asked, “Aren’t you worried about the mad cow?””
I answered, “Nah, she can order for herself.”
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror.
She’s not happy with what she sees and says to her husband, ‘I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly. I really need you to pay me a compliment.’
The husband replies, ‘Well, your eyesight’s just about perfect.’
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light for $16.00.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95.
I told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold cream.
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her behind look big.
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday..
My wife and I are watching “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?” while we were in bed. I turned to her and said, “Do you want to have sex?”
“No,” she answered.
I then said, “Is that your final answer?”
She didn’t even look at me this time, simply saying “Yes.”
So I said, “Then I’d like to phone a friend.”
And that’s when the fight started….