What trendy, tawdry forms of “la moda” that fall within those constraints of style never cease to amaze me.
When I was in High School, I wore wide, flare leg hip hugger blue jeans…faded within an inch of their life,a peasant blouses and peace sign shirts and mini skirts. I wore platform shoes and green Chuck Taylors and God help me, Earth Shoes!!
Fast forward to 2008.
I remember when I was once employed. When I got home from work one day, I pulled off my wide, flare leg hip hugger blues jeans, faded within an inch of their life; my peasant blouse with a peace sign on it and then I kicked off my green platform Earth shoes and got comfortable.
Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…
But not completely.
I have worked in TV and for about the last 14 years in radio. That means I work with gametes. I get older, but the new people coming on board as staffers, tend to always be 23 to 35 year olds. Yes…walking sperm. The average age of employee with at least two years under their belts, is about 27, so at 49, I am indeed the elder stateswoman of the bunch. They are not just young, they are incredibly young and their lexicons and fashion sense reflect that. Now, I know, was young once too, but I was never that young. I know I was never that young.
They refer to each other as “Douche” and “Dude”. They refer to me as ‘”Dude”, which thrills me almost as much as hearing the words “totally” (uttered with that ridiculous California-esque vowel exaggeration) along with the words, “completely” and “like”, used 47 times in one two minute conversation. Plus, their sentences end in that silly up lilt cadence. As if they’re asking a question when in fact, they’re making declarative sentences.
It makes my ears vomit.
And the clothes they wear? That’s another post entirely, but I’m beginning to see a frightening trend.
Namely with their hair.
I looked at a few of the guys I used to work with and realized they’ve got the damnedest hair. What the hell is that cut called? So, I went perusing through the Intrawebnet to learn of it’s name and found several photos that are exemplary of the style of “uttter douchebaggery” that I saw at work.
I’m talking about young men men with this hair cut called a “Blow Out”.
And it looks like shit. Laughably so.
Here’s an example:
It’s hair that’s cut roughly 2.5 inches all over the head, then you apply “product” to spike it straight out. Back, front, top, above the ears….all over.
It’s a cut that’s popular, I hear, among young Italian American men and boys in New Jersey. It was made popular few years back by those filthy Gotti boys.
But when they introduced the style on the reality show, “Growing Up Gotti” on A&E, featuring their mom VIctoria and her fake blond pelt, it was just funny looking hair that was hard and sharply pointed at the ends…..lethal in parts of Iowa.
But something happened. These days, the guys aren’t just sporting Gotti-like “Blow Outs”, they’re doing so on top of faces that are tanned carrot-orange.
See what I mean? And what’s up with that?
These guys are running around Trenton, Fort Lee and East Orange (how appropriate!!), looking like complete douches, alright.
Based on the skin color, I’d say they look more like Betadine douches.
Someday these human squeeze bottles will look at their photos and lament their decision to ask Santa for the world’s worst case of Rosacea.
I’m embarrassed for them.
Let’s move along now to bad make-up.
How ’bout that Amy Winehouse????
“They tried to make me go to eye-liner school and I said no…no…no”
I don’t know what else to say about La Winehouse, other than she’s better at applying make-up than Kelly Osborne.
I take one look at this pic….
And I can’t help but think of….
Lon Chaney as “The Phantom of The Opera”.
It’s as if Kelly applies her make up with an adjustable spray paint gun and it’s set on “Whore”.
And then there are the Latinas.
Yo le adoro, mis hermanas, pero ay Dios Mio!!!! Que es la deal with the eyebrows????wadWh
When did this ridiculously pencil thin thin eyebrow look happen? I don’t know, but I guess it’s official— Hispanic women MUST KEEP AWAY FROM THE SHARPIES!!!!
NO MAS LAUNDRY MARKERS!!!!!
And based on these two photos…
Stay the hell away from the Liquid Paper, too.