Tuesday’s Offering

Well, here I am in my building’s cyber center for tenants and my time is limited.  These things time out and Habib from #583 is eyeballing me impatiently.  No doubt he has to string together a a couple of sentences filled with consonance to send back home to some country ending in “stan”,  telling the family that all is as well as can be in that Great Satanic Embrace he and his ilk call “Houston”.

To be honest, on some days when the traffic is clogging every artery in the city as well as the ones leading to my heart, I’m inclined to agree with him.

For those of you inquiring as to my emotional welfare, I’m fine.  This break up, while not easy, hasn’t been difficult either.  I found out a few things recently.  Having a well connected family can be a God send when you need reasons to believe.  Therefore, I’m through with him.   Oh yes..make no mistake; we are done.  He’s a liar.  In fact, the word “pathological” could easily precede that and be as apt as hell.   This break was on him.   He did it and yes, it hurt.  He hurt me, but he’ll never cop to that.  It’s impossible for him to acknowledge any wrong doing on his part.   This clarity; this acuity…I now know that which I only suspected is liberating.   I am free.

Cock sucking, mother fucker, shit faced, asshole, dickless rancid sack of lying scrotum.

There.  You’ll never see his name mentioned on my blog again.

To add insult to injury, I also lost my job.   Thanks to the economy, the horrific aftermath of Hurricane Ike and  karmic retribution for calling a girl “Tick Face” once back in fourth grade, I’m out of work.  The station can no long afford a full time comedy writer.   So remember that post a few weeks back in which I asked for a job?   I mean it.  I was serious.  Hire me.  Ask around.  Seriously.

Well, I have to go.   Habib is texting someone with fervor while looking at me periodically, and frankly, that makes me leary about starting my car later so with that I’ll leave you for now.

I don’t know when my PC will be back from the Cyber Hospital, but it should be in the next day or two.  That means, I’ll miss making fun of tonight’s election.  This is death for a pundit.  But, se le guerre.

But really, is there any doubt about who’ll emerge victorious?  I mean, really.  The mainstream media REALLY did it’s job.   So, the next time we talk, there’s a very good chance, we’ll be wondering about President Obama’s administration.

President Obama.


President Obama.  Say it real fast.     It sounds like a lot of different things if you do.

Prissy Alabama.








The end of days.


  1. Glad to hear that you’re weathering the breakup with your same wit and charm. Belch on Habib for me. I’m sure there are better things you can do, but…well, it’s a personal fave.

    Hope the computer is back soon! And that you’re back in employ. Good thoughts and karma to you my friend.

  2. Hey love, sorry to hear things suck so bad for you right now. You’re in my thoughts…as with all things, it’s got to get better, right? RIGHT?

  3. Now that president-elect Obama actually is the president-elect, I am sure you and your computer will find lots of opportunities to produce texts that are going to help you get over here for a beer. 🙂

  4. Why would you be with a man who sucked cock, fucked his mother, had shit on his face and amazingly was dickless, but yet shaped like a testicular sack? Choices, go figure.

    I asked BO for change for a dollar and he gave me back 54 cents, amid my protests he mentioned something about change and administrative costs whilst his puppet masters positioned themselves with the most transparent sentence yet, “we may not be able to do anything this term”…yes the end of days or the continuation of the puppeteers.

  5. Sorry to hear about the job. I told you you never should of called #@@*&$ “tick face” in 4th grade. It finally caught up with you! That made me laugh.

  6. Kelly: that first sentence made me suck Diet Dr. Pepper up my nose–thanks for that.

    LK: So sorry to hear about all of the above–let my firm buy you lunch soon when you have a moment.


    Sycophant Piranha

  7. Wait. You’re SINGLE now?


    I just got engaged.

    Had I only waited…

    Kelly…that was the funniest thing I have read since…well…Laurie’s post.

And now, you may opine your ass off...

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