LK For Hire

Anybody want to hire a smart ass, albeit well-educated, well read, erudite (corrected, but SP error dutifully pointed out by Tom Allen), quirky, generous, kind, unlucky in love, but one gosh darn funny writer who’s won a few awards to boot?

I will be happy to make jokes at other people’s expense; I don’t take up much room.  I bring light into everyone’s ordinary day and if need be, I can bring a festive mood down faster than Al Franken at a GOP fundraiser.  Yes–I’m just THAT versatile.

Additionally, I am organized to a degree, but thorough and can be detail oriented, if you need me to be.  I’m popular and always the DELIGHT of the office.    I’m a former cheerleader so I know all about enthusiasm but my soul has been crushed enough times to ensure all that ubridbled pep has been toned down.

Exponentially.

I write excellent speeches, my press releases are always memorable and I can type with few errors and I excel at coffee making and organizing impromptu Happy Hours.   I have impeccable social graces, I’m the consummate hostess and  I always know which wine to serve with mood stabilizers.

I possess no social albatrosses–well, maybe a few but, but I hide them well and I’m completely unencumbered by family.  No husband, no progeny and a mother that only holds me in mild esteem.  I am willing to travel as often as need be and can and will make your day, each and every day Mr. or Ms. Future Boss.    I’m just that full of rock solid, unmitigated “rina”.   That’s joy in Hebrew.

Not bad for Goyim, huh?

The reality is, I need a change in my life.  Not just a hair cut, not some new furniture…a complete alteration of my existence is mandatory.  That means I’m willing to leave Houston.  I’ll leave Texas, too if that s required.   A new job would serve the perfect catalyst to start this vital transition.

I’m perfectly serious.  I want and need someone to hire me.  This is not a joke, my readers.  Both of you know me by now and I implore you–help me help myself.  I am in desperate need of change.

So, if you need a ballsy woman who can play well with others, seriously consider hiring me as a…. whatever. Terms as well as titles are completely negotiable.

Serious inquiries only.    E-mail me at laurieindustries at gmail dot com

Thanks loads.

8 comments

  1. If you get the job, would you hire me as your Mini-Me? I was cheerleader captain, and I REALLy have to get out of this technology industry that’s just SUCKING THE LIFE OUT OF ME !!!! 😉

  2. I was a cheerleader in jr high and jr college. I’m stuck being a bookkeeper for my husband’s law firm:( I really don’t know what I would like to do or can still do, especially at the ripe old age of 53. I understand I’m too old to do most anything, is that right?

  3. Gee Tom..thanks ever so much for making my spelling error on that particular word so glaringly apparent for God and man to see and then I’d like to say how much I appreciate you going that extra mile to point out the irony of the word that was misspelled.

    Wow Tom, if I didn’t have you to constantly point out my foibles here on my blog, I’d still think I was living in my parents’ house.

    LK

  4. Hey Babe – I’m sure that what you meant to write was “I appreciate your pointing it out discreetly, instead of copying my web page and posting it on The FAIL Blog under a heading like Speeling FALE!” or “Edumacation FAIL.”

    You know, I’ve been at the point where I’ve been wanting a change, too. Except that I’d really prefer to get entirely out of the glamorous world of small manufacturing, and try my hand at something completely different. Massage Therapy comes to mind. The customers rarely complain, very few up-front costs, and rich people always want pampering, no matter how the economy is.

  5. I think change is good, Tom. We live through shedding. Why not make it across the board. It’s been on my mind a lot lately, Maybe because I’ll be 50 in a few months.

    Lots of options and I intend to explore each one.

    Let me know how you fare.

    Critiquing my work is always a viable option…one that you seem quite adroit at might I add.

    You know I love you and would be so in to you Tom if I were into anything at this point.

    LK

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