Anybody want to hire a smart ass, albeit well-educated, well read, erudite (corrected, but SP error dutifully pointed out by Tom Allen), quirky, generous, kind, unlucky in love, but one gosh darn funny writer who’s won a few awards to boot?
I will be happy to make jokes at other people’s expense; I don’t take up much room. I bring light into everyone’s ordinary day and if need be, I can bring a festive mood down faster than Al Franken at a GOP fundraiser. Yes–I’m just THAT versatile.
Additionally, I am organized to a degree, but thorough and can be detail oriented, if you need me to be. I’m popular and always the DELIGHT of the office. I’m a former cheerleader so I know all about enthusiasm but my soul has been crushed enough times to ensure all that ubridbled pep has been toned down.
I write excellent speeches, my press releases are always memorable and I can type with few errors and I excel at coffee making and organizing impromptu Happy Hours. I have impeccable social graces, I’m the consummate hostess and I always know which wine to serve with mood stabilizers.
I possess no social albatrosses–well, maybe a few but, but I hide them well and I’m completely unencumbered by family. No husband, no progeny and a mother that only holds me in mild esteem. I am willing to travel as often as need be and can and will make your day, each and every day Mr. or Ms. Future Boss. I’m just that full of rock solid, unmitigated “rina”. That’s joy in Hebrew.
Not bad for Goyim, huh?
The reality is, I need a change in my life. Not just a hair cut, not some new furniture…a complete alteration of my existence is mandatory. That means I’m willing to leave Houston. I’ll leave Texas, too if that s required. A new job would serve the perfect catalyst to start this vital transition.
I’m perfectly serious. I want and need someone to hire me. This is not a joke, my readers. Both of you know me by now and I implore you–help me help myself. I am in desperate need of change.
So, if you need a ballsy woman who can play well with others, seriously consider hiring me as a…. whatever. Terms as well as titles are completely negotiable.
Serious inquiries only. E-mail me at laurieindustries at gmail dot com