“He Once Said To Me…”

I still think about him from time to time.

I could have loved him had he the potential to love anything but himself.  He made me crazy with his inability to be a normal, sentient human being.  But even so, I was oddly attracted to him   And while our relationship was never meant to be,   I learned amazing things about myself…even from his ridiculously skewed point of view.    He had an uncanny way of forcing me to face myself.  This, in spite of that fact that what he said often drew blood and he meant for things to hurt me.  That was his way.  He was cruel and calloused and his insolence and disregard for me was creating a woman in his image.   But I got away in time to save my soul.

He once told me that it was easy to fall in love with me and damned impossible to stay that way.

He once told me that getting involved with me solved all of his problems and in the end, just created more.

He once said to me that I had a face that would break a mirror and if that portended seven years of bad luck, he knew a savvy lawyer who could possibly reduce that to five.

He once told me that my male gynecologist was like going to “an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car”.

He once said to me that fighting with me in an attempt to resolve ALL of our problems was futile.  He equated it with screwing to promote virginity.

And the last thing he ever said to me was that I had an uncanny knack for instilling fear in any man.  He said there were days when I’d wake up not in the greatest of moods and the minute my foot touched the floor, Hitler would cry, Lenin would hide and Satan himself would shudder and scream, “Oh fuck, she’s up!!!!

Was he a lousy, mean spirited human being?   Indubitably, but even so,  I have to respect a man who “gets” me.

12 comments

  1. One must walk lightly and carry a big dick and an incredible sense of irony along with the uncanny ability of emotional ciphering. with the mindreadingness to say I love you honey and mean it

  2. my husband and i planned on having some children, however, 21 years ago he once said, in the throes of passion, “trust me.” so i had four, not three.

  3. Ahhh, Laurie, the only commenters above seem to be womyn. 🙂

    ‘Tis a sight to behold when the sisterhood supports each-other. On the other hand, I kinda like being a man! We are odd ducks, but useful with stuck mayonnaise lids and grilling stakes.

  4. I really don’t know you at all LK but after reading your blog for some time now, I have a feeling that the last line is probably at least somewhat correct and I mean that with all due love and respect. Personally, I think I like a woman who can make an antichrist panic.

  5. Laurie,

    I still think about him too. I open your website so I can see his picture and don’t feel like he is really gone. I had a drink for him on the 4th of July and held it to the sky.

    He was such a good friend. You opened my eyes to a side of him I never saw. I wish I had known you before Walter left us. I am glad I get to read your blogs now though…it makes me feel like I know you some what now.

    I am sorry he hurt you. We had our days too but in the end we left each other on a good note. One of the last emails I got was:
    One very amazing dog.

    All the Best,
    Walt

    web blog: wombat1.wordpress.com

    Love ya Laurie

  6. I wanted to share this with you, He wrote this on his web page about our friendship:

    Forever Friendship May 9, 2007
    Filed under: atlanta, friendship, life, love, opinion — wombat1 @ 10:15 am

    One of the biggest mysteries in my life is that much of my time, neck deep in my individual assignments or interests of routine life, I’ve often failed to note the fact that some of my most lifelong memories were occurring right in my lap. I never imagined I’d be looking back upon those times in which I was seeming’too busy’ to notice – for the rest of my life.

    I’ve recently received a message from a fine woman that I was privileged to have work with me in Atlanta, GA. She worked for me from early 1998 until around 2000, or so. Or, did I work for her! As we past through times where we bucked up at each other for decisions we’d both made in learning each other, I happened upon an extrodinary friendship. A very unassuming friendship. A friendship finding me completely off guard.

    We argued passionately. We respected one another beyond the average and equal supervisor and coworker roles. I’d never managed nine people simultaneously. GOD knows I’d never managed anyone like my Jax. She was definitely NOT mentioned in the managerial handbook on how to corral and handle a passionate and opinionated south Carolinian gal!”

    Jackie taught me things about the AutoCad software that kept my head above water, and often my ass out of the fire. I too taught her the ins and outs of yet another, lesser utilized software in the SE United States.

    While reminicing back upon your career, have you ever recalled the days where you were so happy in the morning that you couldn’t wait to go to work? Whether or not you were dead tired, hung over, having to face an angry boss or your problematic subordinates and all of their god damned personal drama, or having to ride the train ’cause your raggedy ass car wouldn’t start.

    Perhaps unassumingly on her behalf, that’s what Jackie did for me. She kept me wanting to carry on during a very difficult time in my life. To get up and race to work. These are the times I recollect having Jackie as my right hand woman. I always knew she’d speak her mind. And I always knew she’d pull no punches when a schedule was improperly presented. All fucked up if you will. I always knew Jax would handle whatever she was assigned – always on time and always under budget.

    I miss my gall pal. My friend that I’d never have known would be a life long friend and fond memory… A life long true friend. A friend that would write nasty messages back and fourth with me, during a rediculous closed door meeting about some idiot manager making a rediculous presentation about the price of tea in China, or some other insignificant time wasting shit. Someone who would hold down the mute button on the phone during a conference call with a client – and say “what a fucking idiot this guy is… what planet is he on… his name must be Jack Me Off.”

    Jackie and I had about 50 years of experience between the two of us. And we didn’t mind letting people know ‘what time it was!’ while we were simultaneously showing our utmost respect for our coworkers and subordinates.

    We were a good team. We always will be individually. But just between you and I and the fence post, I think we will be the dynamic duo again in our respective careers. i hope we will be.

    I miss you Jax. I know we’ll always be friends. All the best to you and Brady. You are a great couple. I know he was hard to wrangle, but that’s only ’cause he knew you were the ONE! He’s a great man.

    Your best pal, Walt… or WALLY if you must. (I’ve never allowed myself to be addressed as WALLY besides anyone but Jackie… Not that I had a choice or anything!!)

    wombat1.wordpress.com

  7. That’s sweet Jackie, but this wasn’t about Walter. This post was a compiltion of several former boyfriends.

    I miss him though….very,very much. There will never be another man like him, at least not in my life.

    I thought about him just this morning. He would’ve hated what I wore to work.

    Knowing that, makes me smile.

    LK

  8. LOL Could have fooled me…It sounded just like Walter. He was just like that.
    I do look at you web at least once a week though.

    You are a great gal!

    Jackie

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