I still think about him from time to time.
I could have loved him had he the potential to love anything but himself. He made me crazy with his inability to be a normal, sentient human being. But even so, I was oddly attracted to him And while our relationship was never meant to be, I learned amazing things about myself…even from his ridiculously skewed point of view. He had an uncanny way of forcing me to face myself. This, in spite of that fact that what he said often drew blood and he meant for things to hurt me. That was his way. He was cruel and calloused and his insolence and disregard for me was creating a woman in his image. But I got away in time to save my soul.
He once told me that it was easy to fall in love with me and damned impossible to stay that way.
He once told me that getting involved with me solved all of his problems and in the end, just created more.
He once said to me that I had a face that would break a mirror and if that portended seven years of bad luck, he knew a savvy lawyer who could possibly reduce that to five.
He once told me that my male gynecologist was like going to “an auto mechanic who doesn’t own a car”.
He once said to me that fighting with me in an attempt to resolve ALL of our problems was futile. He equated it with screwing to promote virginity.
And the last thing he ever said to me was that I had an uncanny knack for instilling fear in any man. He said there were days when I’d wake up not in the greatest of moods and the minute my foot touched the floor, Hitler would cry, Lenin would hide and Satan himself would shudder and scream, “Oh fuck, she’s up!!!!
Was he a lousy, mean spirited human being? Indubitably, but even so, I have to respect a man who “gets” me.