Benny Lava: #3 With A Bullet

Oh my Vishnu!!

When I first moved to Houston in 1990, I remember happening upon an All Access cable channel that was all Indian.  It was in English, but was geared for Houston’s rather large (and growing)  Indian community.

I’ve always wanted to learn more about that which exists outside my realm, so I’d tune in on occasion.  I’d  watch the talk shows and some news programs and I remember marveling at the groovy saris and jewelry on the women, but nothing…NOTHING was more entertaining than watching….


TA DA!!!!!!

Indian music videos.

Man oh man, if you have not feasted your eyes upon a full scale Bollywood production of an  Indian music video, than you, my reader-jaan, are missing out.

These epic productions are nothing less than a spectacle and every one of them is choreographed in this Fosse-esque, Tharpian splendor.  Throw in some Michael Kidd and we’re talking scenes that would make Busby Berkely think straight.

The themes are almost always the same.  The setting is either in a town square or in a field or a Ramada Inn banquet hall or something.  There’s a lead guy, usually a roguishly handsome looking bloke (handsome by Indian standards–in this particular video’s case, picture a young, even swarthier but spastic Franco Harris) and a beautiful leading woman (beautiful by Universal standards, thank you) and they are (seemingly) flirting with each other by writhing and cavorting about in rhythmic undulations to a sitar-lead techno orchestra and a bevy of backup dancers–all gender specific.

She has her all chick cast of dancers behind her and he has his male minions clad in brightly colored, polyester leisure suits by Farrah and as best I can tell, each one is having a carefully syncopated petit mal seizure set to music.

He sings and she shrieks in this high-pitched adenoidal studio affect. Throw in some “Bob Mackie for GAP” wardrobe changes, a few truly horrible edits and you’ve got some kind of video!!!

Based upon the many Indian music videos I’ve seen, these things appear to be standard operating procedure.  They’re great to watch and lively as taj-mahell.

Now, what I’ve just conveyed to you is the perfect preface for this absolutely hilarious video I found on You Tube.  It’s a translation of what a Hindi (at least, I think it’s Hindi)  music video would sound like if we insist on listening to it with ears than can only comprehend bastardized English.

I recommend watching it first and reading the subtitles; once you have the full hilarious effect, watch it second time, but focus on the dancers and the dancing.

I don’t know who Buffalax is, but he “translated” the subtitles.

Kudos to you, Sahib!!



  1. Ok, I was going to quote specifics at the start of this video, but as I continued to watch I realized I’d have to quote the whole song. This is one of the most hilarious things I’ve watched, umm, with subtitles. Thanks! SG

  2. My geek friends turned me on to these last year, and we spent an hour watching this one and more.

    It’s funny, but fascinating, too. They are an aural version of those “magic pictures” in which you see one object, but staring at it brings out something else. Or those “Where’s Waldo” pics, which show up as just a jumble of little people until you start really looking at them. With yoru eyes closed, the words don’t make any sense (unless you speak that language, of course), but once seeing the subtitles and associating them with the songs, you can’t help but hear them each and every time.

    Kind of like when you were kids, and somebody played that Beatles LP backward on their turntable, and through the “gloup rowror mouoon” you finally hear “Is Paul Dead?”

  3. I’m pretty sure I could hang with you. This is something that I was fascinated with when I was in Houston. It was absolutely mesmerizing watching another culture treat the remote control zombies as boobs. I also used to get off watching Sabado Gigante on Telemundo. Again didn’t have a clue what they were saying but in a way it was like porn, didn’t know what it was but knew it was way funky when I saw it. God bless all other cultures, at least the good people involved in them. In Italy the softcore porn starts at 11 on public TV. Not good softcore porn, the kind that one used to catch on Cinemax back in the day. Hokey, pokey and not so yokey but it’s in Italian so it must be romantic and hot. Like a train wreck bad TV makes one a voyeur in my case, don’t wanna see it but can’t not watch. Ciao Bella

    PS I know sarcasm, I gravitate towards it, but sarcasm has truth attached to it

  4. Brian,

    True, I don’t have much to base this on, but even so, there might be a good chance that yes—we’re probably compatible. Maybe even frighteningly so. We probably have the similar likes and dislikes, much the same resentments and angst inducers.

    Similar nasty little habits.

    We probably share a mutual love of learning and wanting and needing to know more. We’d probably laugh at similar jokes and lastly, we probably love and loathe the same kinds of people. That said, God help anyone who falls in the latter category. I know I’d hate to be on the receiving end of our collective wrath.

    As for sarcasm? You know the old saying, “many a truth is said in jest”? It’s human nature to accept certain things, if they’re wrapped in humor. I’m talking about “things” we would react viscerally to if they were conveyed to us in other way. That’s why Court Jester’s were the only ones who, while entertaining during the castle’s huge, Saturday night carb-laden Bacchanalian feasts, could call King Henry the VIII a big fat slob, yet wake up to find their heads still attached to their bodies on Sunday morning.

    Of course, there’s truth in sarcasm, but something I never want you to forget (especially when reading my stuff) is that there’s also a healthy mix of creative license thrown in as well.


  5. I had to watch it again today. Benny Lava has been on my mind. I first wanted to share him, then on second thought, with who? I like it even more than the word “pompitous”. Thank you Laurie for sharing, but I’m not passing him!

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