We all have things that irk us; little things that get under our skin and stay there and if it’s a word or speech pattern uttered by someone you’re not all that crazy about, then everything is amplified and exacerbated.
I am made absolutely insane by chat speak or text shorthand and I am extremely bothered by the incessant use of the words like, dude and awesome.
What you are about to see in the cartoon below is just how insane crazy things have become.
When I hear it spoken, my reaction is visceral…as in I have to leave the room to avoid retching.
Let me get something straight–I am flawed and incredibly IMPERFECT. I know I do things that make people crazy. But we’re not talking about me here. And likely if these things makes me crazy, these things make at least a few other crazy, too. I should also mention that I really don’t like this newfound intolerance, but se la vie. It’s my reality.
Perhaps it’s part of the aging process–I’ve never been this old before and I’m noticing that things bother me that never phased met before. I’m more sensitive, more easily annoyed and I dislike it immensely. But if it’s any consolation, my intolerance has less to do with people and almost everything to with their behaviors. And by behaviors, I’m talking about things that can make me strip naked and run down Interstate 10 screaming at the top of my lungs while burning myself with cigarettes.
I want to do that when I read “LOLOLOL“.
Really please, for my sake, just go completely juvenile and type or write out, “Hahaha”. I’d prefer that . Or here’s a novel idea: just allow the 2.38 seconds it takes to communicate that something was/is in fact, funny!!!!
Is your day that busy and jam packed with important tasks like monitoring NATO troop movement in the Azores to write or type out the the words “that was funny”????
I think not.
“ROFL” also makes me wanna shop retail. I mean, let’s take a look at this phrase from a literal standpoint: is anyone ever really laughing to the point where he or she is actually “rolling on the floor”? Especially if said lunatic isn’t on a Lithium drip and/or hasn’t been institutionalized?
I’m not a fan of “Brb”, “TY” and “YW“, either. You’re not that busy, you’re not that harried–type out the damn words!!!! OMG and OMFG are also big in text or chat speak and big, big, big in making me cringe.
“Awesome” is a great word, but when the youngsters use it interchangeably as a noun, a verb, an adjective and a superlative is just nuts. The fact that so many people use it to describe everything from an incredible last second end zone TD catch to a bowel movement, it looses something in the translation.
The newest crazes, “epic fail” and claiming that people have Ninja skillz–and spelled with a “z” thank you, are also rapidly climbing my annoyance charts.
I’m not a fan of emoticons or attempts to make your own emoticons with combinations of punctuation:
The smiley face: 🙂
The sarcastic wink: 😉
The asshole:… ( * )
Those are bad enough, but what about a man or woman above a certain age who addresses everyone as “Dude”? And I mean everyone is referred to as “Dude”–genitalia, not withstanding.
If this is you, you have no idea how ridiculous you sound.
While the above items are offensive audio and visual hemorrhoids, nothing can induce rectal pain worse than the teen or 20-something who uses “like”, 86 times in a brief, two minute expanse of a conversation, if you can even call that a conversation. I cannot communicate with these people and in radio, they’re everywhere. Essentially, I work with youngsters. They “speech” it with every breath. I’ve actually prayed for inner ear infections–ANYTHING to keep from hearing this emanating from the cubicles around me.
In some ways, I can forgive these youngsters for the use of “like”, but older women??? Especially if they’re 35-plus year of age?
This is an excerpt of a conversation I recently overheard at work. The source? A 45-year old professional woman:
“And I’m like yeah and he’s all no and I’m like soooooooo not happy and she’s all pissed and then he’s like “Yeah, I’m hungry and all that” and so she’s then all like “OK. Whatever”.
If you REALLY want to plunge the knife into my soul in order to mortally wound it, use “like” 100 times in one sentence, then finish it off by adding an “S” to the word “anyway”.
As in “anyways”.
For the last time, anyway is spelled with no “S”. And some people in my life do this and they really should know better.
KILL ME NOW!
So in closing, here are a few texting combinations that are new on the chat speak front. In my unwavering attempts to be inclusive, I’ve included them here:•
BRBINTPBOARTPUA: “Be right back. I need to pee, then I’ll come back but only after reading this pop up ad”.
ROTFLBOTAPMFPOMAWEFITTCIOOCDHISB: “Rolling on the floor laughing because of that Anthrax prank my friend pulled on me and what’s even funnier is that the clinic is out of Cipro. Dude…he is SO busted.”
FTLOGPSQJQA: “For the love of God, PLEASE stop quoting John Quincy Adams!!”
HHAYCRI!!IRA60-YOMWLMBPTBATGBMGOEIRA: HA HA all you chat room, idiots! I’m really a 60-year old male with large man breasts pretending to be a teenage girl, but my genitalia–oddly enough–is also remarkably ambiguous.”
JTRIMHOAOARNIRTDTTOAS: John Tesh RULEZ in my humble opinion and on a related note, I refuse to debate the talents of Air Supply.”
WHIEHOACHF…EWYPHHAIQBT!!!BTWIMUWYUIA: Well honey, it’s either herpes or a clogged hair follicle…either way, your personal hygiene habits are in question; Big Time!!! By the way, I’m breaking up with your unclean, infected ass.
MTIGIWBBYBOJBHS!! OMG–LOLOLOLOLOL: Did Obama really pick Biden to be his Veep? Well, I’ll give the dude props for being kind of cute. Now, what about McCain? What if he picks Romney? Now, he’s a good looking guy but he’s a Mormon! Brigham Young…Brigham Old, just Brigham someone!! Clinton–that’s hilarious.
Seriously, it’s just about gotten that stupid.
Now look, I know one or more of you smart asses out there will think it cute and/or clever to leave me a comment that’s rife with all of these “expressive cultural vernacular” and emoticons that I so love.
But I offer this warning…
You do, and as God as my witness, I’ll kill the comment, then I’ll hunt you down–this is no idle threat. I’ll hunt you down, oh yes I will and I’ll disparage your family by dating your father, uncle, brother or your son. Then, I’ll enter your house at night and soil your living room carpet multiple times ONLY after gorging myself on urine-essence altering asparagus.