The Importance of Understanding English For Better International Relations Among Other Things

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I had a bunch of dollars I needed to exchange, so I went to the currency exchange window at the local bank.

There was just one little lady in front of me. She was Asian and as best I could tell, she as trying to exchange Yen for dollars. I couldn’t hear the conversation that well, but it seemed to me that she was getting a bit irate. Apparently, she was a miffed that the exchange rate had changed exponentially in the course of one 24-hour period..

She asked the teller, “Why it change? You tell me now. Yesterday, I here and I get two hunnut dollah fah Yen. Why eet so different today? I only get hunnut eight dollah today? How come why is that?”

The teller just shrugged his shoulder and said, “Fluctuations”.

And to that the woman replied angrily, “Well, fluck you white people to, Son Beetch!!”

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The above is just a joke…or is it?

Make no mistake. English is difficult. We have words that are spelled alike but are pronounced differently. We have words that sound alike but have different meanings. And this confusion can make it complicated as hell.

Or hail.

It’s nuts!

Excuse me? What was that? You DON’T think English is all that diffucult? Well, you wouldn’t Sparky because you speak English, but if you didn’t, it would be a rough.

But that’s different though…

Huh?.

I’ll plead my case further::

Wound the bandage around the flesh wound

The farm used to produce produce

The dump was so full that it had to refuse accepting more refuse

We have to polish the Polish furniture

Barack Obama wants to lead the nation in order to get the lead out.

The Bedouin decided to eat his dessert in the desert

Since there’s no time like the present, he thought it was time to present her with the present

A large mouth bass was painted on the head of the bass drum

Did you know Fidel Castro plays the fiddle? Nah, he doesn’t. We’re just lying in bed while lying about the Cuban leader as he drinks a liter of water

When Hank unloaded his shotgun in the dove’s direction it dove into the bushes

The wreck left Debbie an invalid and now her insurance in invalid

You can object to owning the object

He was too close to the door to close it

A seamstress and a sewer fell into the sewer and it smelled like shit (EDITOR’S NOTE: I just threw that in. Everyone knows that “shit” is universal. No confusion there)

But don’t you see what a WTF language English really is?

And furthermore, there’s no ham in hamburger; no apple or pine in a pineapple and where in the hell us the egg in eggplant?

It ain’t there…

And do you really want to screw with your head? Try wrapping your noggin around this: quicksand works slowly; boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea, nor is it a pig.

Lastly….doughnuts. Yeah sure these doughy breakfast breads are fried and sweet and right tasty, but why have they been given this particular suffix if they’re not legumes; you can’t screw a bolt into them and they sure as hell aren’t made from testicles????

Think about it……

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4 comments

  1. As I set to write this set of words the sun set and gleamed on my set of trophies I won for winning sets and the tournament set at River Oaks, but before I set my watch I must surf the rad set of waves so I can set an example for those who set the bar high, but, as I set my watch to get my hair set, for the day I set my wedding, I put on a set of pearls before I set sail and set aside why the concrete set so hard, so I set my mind to…….

    I am set to have a headache

  2. I would have read this faster had I not been fasting.

    Anther gem. You rock.

  3. Peanut oil, from peanuts. Corn oil, from corn. Baby oil?

    And where does clam juice come from?

    Why do we borrow a book, and lend it to another?

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