A Man’s Life (Redux)

Is there a living creature on Earth who knows better than women that Man really is the King of Beasts?

Oh yes…make no mistake; Man is the imperator of all he surveys. Lions can try to lay claim to the title, but come on!!!! Man invented guns and guns have done more to eradicate lions from this planet faster than anything else.

Come to think of it, guns are doing a number on eradicating men, too. But that’s not the gist of this post.

Man might have conquered all animals, but he actually has a lot in common with lions. Their adult lives parallel in ways most people don’t even realize. Especially in the area of love and marriage.

Here are 17 prime examples that I feel aptly explain the concise correlation that exist between man and beast:

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EXAMPLE #1:

Being single and dating.

Sex.

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EXAMPLE #2

It is frequent. It is often. It is lustful.

But after a while, it begins to feel shallow; meaningless.

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EXAMPLE #3

You’re bored.

“Guerrilla dating” is growing old, plus the hassles of your job are grating on your nerves. You’re tired. You need a break.

You decide to take a vacation.

You go out on safari and there she is–a vision. Lovely, kind; fierce when she needs to be. You’re convinced this one is different. There’s something about her. You want to get to know her.

You ask her out to dinner.

She consents.

You both decide you’re in the mood for German food.

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EXAMPLE #3

The relationship works. She’s the mane to your tail. You’re happy–happier than you’ve ever been, actually. You realize you’re both very much in love. You start thinking seriously about forever.

That Christmas, you become engaged.

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Example #4

Marriage; You’re a proud, happy couple. There’s solidarity in your union.

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Example #5

Life is good; the marriage is working, affection and closeness runs high.

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Example #6

Within a few years, you start a family.

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Example #7

Then, something happens. She stops being a wife and that means she stops “doing a lot of the stuff she used to do”.

She suddenly becomes a mother….and something of a shrew.

She roars a lot.

At you, mainly.

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Example #8

There’s incessant fighting. You wake up one morning and realize you’re miserable

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Example #9

You’re miserable and she can no longer hide her unhappiness, either. You stop talking, you move into separate bedrooms and she ventures into “grudge eating.

She gains 43 pounds in two months

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Example #10

But you agree that you are still married and you both take your vows seriously. Ads difficult as it is, you both are committed. She suggests counseling; you agree to go, hoping that at the very least, it might possibly get her to stop eating.

In spite of it all, you think still love your wife, you think you want your marriage and you literally jump through hoops to prove all points

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Example #11

But couples’ therapy doesn’t help. Despite your efforts, you lose interest in your wife and your marriage and when you meet a hot little tiger at a neighborhood watering hole, you just can’t help yourself.

You have an affair.

It’s wild, hot …animalistic. Damn near feral.

You’re convinced it fills the many emotional voids in your life.

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Example #12

Your wife finds out about the affair and more fighting ensues. It’s even more vicious than before.

..

Example #13

She announces that she can’t take any more and can no longer live under the same dysfunctional roof. She moves in with her older sister, Leona

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Example #14

It’s over.

Done.

Finito.

The damage is irreparable. After one very heated argument at her sister’s one evening, you both decide that a divorce is inevitable.

She hires a lawyer.

He’s Jewish.

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Example #15

You have no choice but to rollover and give in to every demand.

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Example #16

The divorce is final. She got everything…the cubs, the den.

Your pride.

A year later, she’s lost 45 pounds, has a face lift and looks stunning. She starts hanging around all these crazy gay cats. They’re a hip, younger crowd. They go everywhere together–shopping, theater, nightclubs..Savannah. She’s happy; happy for the first time in years.

She’s obviously, having the time of her life.

.

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Example #17

In the meantime, you sulk. You’re miserable. Because of that damned affair, you got skinned alive. You’re bitter, angry and vulnerable…to the point that you now feel as though everyone walks all over you.

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Ah, such is life.

So, the moral of this post, is try to make a go of your relationship. Fight for it, not because of it and whatever you do, don’t have an affair.

You could loose everything.

Seriously….you know I’m not lion!!

One comment

  1. It seems to me that the problem in your story (great illustrations by the way, especially ‘The Lion Queen’) is after the children there was a failure to adapt with her new role in the family.

    This reminds me of the movie “Analyze This” in which Robert Di Nero has a mistress, and when Billy Crystal asks him why and if he doesn’t love his wife, he says “No, of course I love my wife, but she kisses my kids with those lips! I can’t do the things I do with my mistress to the mother of my children! C’mon!”

    Interesting.

    But, I did enjoy the post. It seems like the very typical American life, or at least the ones you hear of from the masses. Unfortunately, it all seems the same too: The man gives into a night of passion and loses it all, all while re-empowering his lost woman to retake control of his life.

    What could have the man done here to make it better? A lot. I’m a proud parent of two boys: well, two male ferrets and they’re a hassle enough, I could only imagine two children. There must be a lot of pressure on a family: To be a mother, to be a father and to be husband and wife to each other. I watch many of my friends struggle. But they made a commitment, and the ones who fight for it, make it.

    My father told me the last weekend that marriage will play out like this “She’ll bang your eyeballs out till you get married. Then you’ll start fighting: first about sex, its always first about sex, then about money, then about all the other little things that never used to make you mad, but because you’ve got problems with your sex life and control over money, it will all start to bother you.” Made me start to wonder why anyone gets married. I could adopt if I wanted a kid… But there must be another reason, the companionship, perhaps?

    Maybe it all comes down to compromise, or porn (to avoid the affair) might just be the key. =)

And now, you may opine your ass off...

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