Real Craigslist Postings

.

Nemesis required. Six month project with possibility to extend


Date: 2008-05-07, 2:49PM PDT

.

I’ve been trying to think of ways to spice up my life. I’m 35 years old, happily married with two kids and I have a good job in insurance. But something’s missing. I feel like I’m old before my time. I need to inject some excitement into my daily routine through my arm before its too late. I need a challenge, something to get the adrenaline pumping again. An addiction would be nice, but in short, I need a nemesis. I’m willing to pay $350 up front for you services as an arch enemy over the next six months. Nothing crazy. Steal my parking space, knock my coffee over, trip me when I’m running to catch the BART and occasionally whisper in my ear, “Ahha, we meet again”. That kind of thing. Just keep me on my toes. Complacency will be the death of me. You need to have an evil streak and be blessed with innate guile and cunning. You should also be adept at inconspicuous pursuit. Evil laugh preferred. Send me a photo and a brief explanation why you would be a good nemesis.
.

British accent preferred.

  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • Compensation: $350 up front

PostingID: 672031640

•••

.

I love cat puke


Date: 2007-04-14, 9:48PM CDT

.

After an 11-hour shift at work today, i just want to go home and relax. My cats wait for me by the door and yell for food. I crack open a can of 9Lives and split it 50/50 in bowls for them.

Cat #1 is a hog and finishes his half first.

*one minute passes*

Like a nuclear reactor meltdown, cat #1 pukes all of his half back into his bowl, licks his chops and saunters away. Mission accomplished, everything is fine.

*one more minute passes*

Cat #2 finishes his half, repositions himself in front of Cat #1’s bowl, and eats all of Cat #1’s regurgitation as well. Chops are licked.

*one more minute passes*

Cat #2 volcanoes half of his stomach back into the same bowl.
Cat #1 probably wondering now why he’s still hungry, goes and eats Cat #2’s fresh spew (which contained ….Cat #1’s original blowout).

It is somewhat surreal, as there is no left over cat puke, and the cats act as if nothing happened. In one way or another, dinner has been served.

  • it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
  • License info is cool, though. Your SSN is too, if you wanna send that. ATM PIN #? Well you just go ahead and send that bitch along as well!!

PostingID: 312107726

2 comments

  1. Two things. Your cats? Seriously in need of therapy. Perhaps Dr. Phil has an opening. Or Oprah.
    Also. I would LOVE to be your nemesis. I am bored out of my tree with my life, and torturing some lovely stranger would certainly give me something to occupy my time. If you like, I can even hiss like Hannibal Lector.

    Too much???!!!!

And now, you may opine your ass off...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s