The Summer Of My Discontent

Ever feel this way?

Sleep offers no reprieve. You wake up as you drifted off.  You’re in a state and you can’t quite put your finger on the reason or reasons why. But something is wrong. You don’t know how or why–only that you’ve been had.

We don’t listen to our instincts; that gnawing gut feeling that tells us something isn’t right. There are forces that loom large…negative ones that at any moment, are ready to cast us into a descent that is Hell bound. What is it? Why?

Then, it hits you: you’ve been lied to. Not just once or twice, but many, many times over.

The reality is that everyone lies. We occlude the truth; we withhold it…call it what you will, but it’s still lying. We tell little white ones to spare someone’s feelings or bolster our own egos. We make up names and leave fake e-mail addresses in the comment section of blogs in order to allow our own feelings of jealousy, inadequacy and uncontrolled rage to spew forth. Cowardice breeds petty liars–a most contemptible lot.

Then, there are the big lies; the products of sociopaths whose intent is it to deceive. Their motives are varied. They do it for money, sex, emotion and power. Lying for some, is the ultimate state of control.

But what about the ones who’ve been on the receiving end of all the lies?

The experts say that we can only be victims if something is done to us against our will. If we’re willing participants, we can’t be victims. But we can be saps and pawns, too . Sometimes we want something so badly, we’ll look the other way. We don’t see what’s really happening. It goes beyond denial, actually. This to me, is the real definition of hysterical blindness. But there comes a point when reality is the ONLY thing on which your eyes will allow you to focus. You then say, “enough”. You said nothing before because you wanted to see just how far he’ll take the charade.

And really, wasn’t there a tiny part of you that hoped you were wrong?

But you’re not. That’s the gut instinct we talked about at the beginning of this post. More often than not, The Liar will go the distance but invariably, he’ll stumble and fall. He’ll make the mistake of forgetting one of the many support lies he’s told. Those are the ones that bolster the big lie. But you see, that’s where the rookie sociopath makes his biggest mistake. He forgets. Well, there’s that and he also makes the grave error of lying to an even more adroit liar.

In my life, I have worshipped at the feet of someone with a meglomaniacal need to lie. When, where and at who’s metatarsaled throne did I throw myself are irrelevant. The mere fact that I’ve ever committed any of these affronts is what’s creating my summer of discontent. I shudder at the thought; it is unwelcomed. It’s rapidly becoming the coldest summer of my life. Sadly…regrettably, this will only lead to an autumn of resentment and indignation.

God only knows what raw emotions the winter will bring.

.

2 comments

  1. LK… you and I – we live the same life… only you do it better. I wish I could grow up and be just like you.

    Pardon my long absence (tis Suddenly Suburban here) the spring and opening to summer’s been a whirlwind.

    I took a mental health day today from that joke my boss refers to as my job, and took a moment to stop in and read, say hello, and hope all is well with you. I still have my blogger site and still post on it – but I started one at wordpress as well, hoping to find it more to my liking. So far, so good. Want to see what a country hick transplanted into the burbs looks like? Pay a visit to the new place.

  2. I also have been experiencing this funk. When everything you know seems to be wrong, and the people you trusted the most turn out to be out for their own gain.

    There is one thing, however, that will forever be on our side.
    Call it God’s judgement or karma – whatever – but I truly believe what goes around comes around. Take care of you.

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