Three Hillbillies from the back country in the Ozarks are on Zeke’s porch shootin’ the breeze. It’d been a long hard day whittlin’, huntin’ game and totin’ water from the crik up to the shack. Zeke, Jethro and Luther was powerful tired and deserved a few swigs of Granny’s corn squeezin’s. You know, white lightning…Moonshine.
It was spring up in the hills and the weather was getting warmer. Nights was gettin’ longer. Soon it’d be time for plantin’ and what not and the men wouldst be too got darn busy to commence doing much of nuthin’ else but workin’, so they valued they’s down time.
Zeke took a big ol’ swig of Moonshine…wiped the excess from his mouth and said, “My wife shore is stupid. She done bought one of them air conditioners…like they has over to the Pantages Theater in Eureka Springs!”
Jethro took the jug from him and hoisted it to his mouth but first smiled a grin showing the one front tooth he calls “Old Yeller” and said, “Why is that, stupid? Shoot sometimes it be gettin’ sop gall darn hot up in this Holler that I wished I had me one of them there air conditioners my own self!!”
To which Zeke replied, “It’s stupid cuz we ain’t got no ‘lectricity!!”
Then, Luther chimed in, “Shoot, that ain’t nothin’!! My wife is the the stupid one. She done went to outhouse and fetched the Sears catalog and ordered one of them new fangled warshin’ contraptions. You know one of them big iron boxes for laundry doins.”
Zeke asked, “That don’t sound too stupid to me or nuthin’. Why it be stupid?”
Luther said, “Cuz we don’t got no plummin’ no how.”
Zeke and Jethro agreed. Then, after a few moments of silence, Jethro said, “I reckon I gots all both of you done licked when it be about stupid wifes. Mines is stupider than both of your wifeses!”
Jethro asked, “How come you a sayin’ that?”
Luther looked down and he shook his head. “Well sir, I was looking through her pocketbook the other day, looking for my snuff–she always uses some of mine when hers done runs out–and I counted six of them condoms rubbers in thar! It do break my heart to have to admit that my wife be the mostest stupidest wife of all ya’lls wifes!”.
Zeke asked, “But why do havin’ six of them condom rubbers in her satchel make her stupid?”
Luther shook his head and looked a little exasperated. “She be stupid, you big dumb hillbilly cuz she ain’t got no pecker!!!”