If you think about it, life and all its maddening scenarios can be classified in distinctively different ways: there is the good; the bad and the ugly.
Good: You and your hubby agree–the baby factory is closed; no more kids
Bad: You can’t find your birth control pills anywhere
Ugly: Your 14 year old daughter borrowed them then complains because they “keep falling out”????
,Good: Your son “studies” a lot in his room
Bad: One day while putting his freshly laundered clothes way, you discover why. You find several porn movies hidden in a sock drawer
Ugly: You starred in two of them back during your gacked out/blow monkey/coke whore/wild child days in the early 80’s.
Good: Your husband is unlike any other. He really understands fashion
Bad: After rummaging through his closet looking for an old shirt, you find evidence that he’s a cross dresser. You confront him on the issue; he confesses, then goes into the bedroom to cross-dress as proof; he comes out 15 minutes later
Ugly: He makes a much better looking chick than you do.
Good: Your son is maturing. You realize that it’s time for that all important father/son talk
Bad: You have it, but you realize he’s far more mature and sexually advanced than you thought. In the middle of the conversation, you learn that he’s involved with the woman next door
Ugly: So are you
Good: You prepare yourself to have that birds and bees talk with your daughter. It’s a rite of passage for mothers and their female progeny
Bad: The talk begins; she keeps interrupting
Ugly: Just to correct you
Good: You and your wife aren’t getting along. The marriage is in deep doo doo. As a result, you have a torrid affair with a 19 year old college student who babysits your young son
Bad: Your wife finds out about it and announces she wants a divorce
Ugly: She’s a lawyer
Good: Your a proud Hispanic man who loves his wife. After a routine doctor’s appointment, she learns she’s pregnant
Bad: Unbeknownst to her, you had a vasectomy in ’04
Ugly: She has triplets and they all look like Flava Flav
REALLY UGLY: All three are girls
Good: The postman arrives early
Bad: He’ got a crazed look in his eye, plus he’s wearing fatigues and carrying an AK47
Ugly: Like an asshole, you didn’t give him anything for Christmas. You have major regrets about this as you duck behind the sectional sofa
Good: President Obama moves into the White House
Bad: His first official act in office involves granting Iran “favored nation status”
Ugly: The dirty bomb that’s detonated over New England only kills three million people. Our new Imperial Master, the Imperator–Mahmoud Ahmedinejad decides that the Western headquarters which will house Iran’s Parliament, the Assembly of Experts and other majlis should be located in Boston….or what’s left of it.
H/T to Humor Archives