Click-A-Wife

A few months ago, Laurie Industries ventured into the world of cyber-dating. The results were amazing!!! We compiled profiles of several eligible bachelors from around the globe and placed them on our site. We’re pleased to announce tens of hits on our post, Click-A-Hubby and frankly, we couldn’t be happier. But why should the ladies be the only ones to reap the fruits of our labor?

Now it’s YOUR turn, Gentlemen.

Based on the success of Click-A-Hubby, Laurie Industries will soon launch, “Click-A-Wife”. If you’re looking for a wife, a girlfriend or if you’re just a misanthropic asshole with a voyeuristic thing for the absurd and the grotesque, THIS SITE IS FOR YOU!!!!!!!

It will be set up like it’s male counterpart, Click-A-Hubby. We anticipate it being fully operational no later than May 2009.

But for your immediate perusal, we offer this prototype of “Click-A-Wife”.

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FROM OUR SPRING 2009 CATALOG

Bonnie is 23 and looking for Mr. Right. The Muncie, Indiana native is a part-time sword swallower with the Ringling Brothers circus.

“I like long walks and I really dig nature, as long as it can be appreciated from indoors. I like Fresca and I don’t think it tastes at all like urine. Well, not much anyway. As for men, I’m looking for someone who’s tolerant. Look, the reality is, I know my neck might be a little off-putting, but trust me, it has an amusing side. When I gargle, they can hear it for miles. I’ve been told that’s actually kind of entertaining. Plus, my Adam’s Apple is the size of most orchards. The biggest plus about my neck is it’s utilitarian properties. You’ll DEFINITELY want me around when you need a ladder, but there isn’t one around and you need someone to reach tender vegetation high above the timber line.”

Bonnie……LOT #98r9ee8…………CLICK HERE

Karla is 33 and currently enrolled in the Port Marion County Junior College in Lakeview County, Idaho where she’s hoping to become an Optometrist’s assistant.

“My turn-ons include the smell of bacon in the morning and a daily BM.

I just got out of a lengthy relationship which left my sizable noggin spinning, so all I’m really looking for is a friend. Besides, a strong, sturdy friendship will come in handy since I must have surgery soon. A corrective shunt will be placed in my head for cranial draining purposes. Unsightly yes, but what’s a little encephaly among friends, huh???? The good news is that I won’t be out of pocket one dime. Taco Bell is completely underwriting the procedure. All I have to do is be willing to advertise their two-for-one Tacos Grande deal across that IMAX screen I call a forehead.

Worry not mon amor, i’ll just be a human billboard for the next five years. Then that shunt is MINE!!”

Karla ,LOT #96Kee21 … ,CLICK HERE

Bethany Anne is 43 and a kid at heart, really. She loves to weld DNA double helices in her spare time and she makes her own clothes. She excels in Bombazines and charmeuse. She loves spending time around her house, especially now that she’s given up a lucrative career as a Senior Consumer Analyst (Dentifrice Division) with Colgate-Palmolive.

“Hi, Bethany Anne here. A little about me? Oh let’s see; well, I’m outgoing, the life of the party and every time I go shopping I’m often mistaken for former heavyweight boxing champion, Leon Spinks. Gee, not sure why. Anyhoo, I do some modeling when I have the time. I guess you can call it modeling because just the other day, Black and Decker asked me to meet with their developers to discuss improving the design on their hacksaws. I think it was something about my smile.

But don’t you worry, Mr. Future Husband O’Mine, I’m not just another pretty face. I’m a woman of substance. I’m an artist. I draw and carve self-portraits mostly and they’re extremely popular in the fall. I take them to auction–well, the Farmer’s Market actually, but I’ve noticed that for some reason, they sell extremely well in mid to late October. I give all the proceeds to charity.

Here’s a sample of my work:

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Call me. I’ll be waiting. SMOOCH!!!

Bethany Anne…. LOT #98ytu31 ………. CLICK HERE

“Cassandra Ravelle” is 27 and currently calls El Paso, Texas home.

“Contrary to popular opinion at Laurie Industries, I have every right for my profile to appear on Click-A-Wife. I am every bit a woman….or will be by the time this website launches this fall. Why not go for it? Nature made a mistake, not me . I’ve got to be true to who I really am. Besides, I’m so tired of tucking.”

Cassandra Ravelle ……LOT #6969eo35…. , CLICK HERE

Stella Link, age 47, hails from Houston. Her father was a cab driver and street sign maker. Stella and her younger sisters, Kuykendall and Almeda Genoa are identical twins. Each one suffers from acute Hypertrichosis, which rendered them completely hirsute, head to toe. In other words, all three were extraordinarily hairy. Fortunately, they’ve grown out of the disease–for the most part–but as children, the malady served the family well financially. As toddlers, the bevy of hairy lasses portrayed Tribbles on that now famous episode of “Star Trek”.

“I live a comfortable life in Houston where I live off monthly residual checks from my work on “Trek”. I collect lawnmowers and I research stories about acid reflux among the Amish. I’m not much of a conversationalist. In fact, I rarely indulge in conversation at all. Why? I’m terribly allergic to human breath. So ,if quiet evenings….and morning and noons and afternoons are what you’re looking for, then look no further. Please know that I’m still totally un-phased by my once glamorous Hollywood existence and want any and all potential suitors to know that I’m completely nonchalant about my celebrity and oblivious to the latest advancements in orthodontia and cosmetic dentistry.

Pick me and you’ve picked a winner.”

Stella Link……. LOT #38dur67 ……CLICK HERE

CLICK-A-WIFE CELEBRITY CORNER

With the advent of TMZ and the ever increasing popularity of “People Magazine”, we here at Laurie Industries understand the public’s preoccupation with celebrities. Since technology has made them more accessible then ever, why can’t the common man–or woman–attempt to have a relationship with a member of the Glitterati. That’s why we’ve introduced “Celebrity Corner” as a fixed feature to both of our sites.

Our first celebrity profile belongs to someone who’s a real work of art…literally. Nina Hello is the great granddaughter of famed Catalonian surrealist painter, Salvador Dali. As you can plainly see, the 27-year-old bears a striking resemblance to her ultra talented, great grandfather.

FROM WEB MISTRESS\' FLICKR SITE,\……….

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“I gotta face that can melt a clock. Jealous?”

Nina Hello Dali…… LOT #76uhj76…….. CLICK HERE

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Check back for new and updated profiles. This site will be fully operational by the time Bethany Anne starts hawking her ugly ass self portraits this fall..

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Click-A-Carnival

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9 comments

  1. For a second I thought you were serious, and then I realized I was reading your blog. Really funny. Just one question where did you get those photos?

  2. ah, yes…a blast from the past. bonnie and i went to the homecoming dance a long time ago. i showed her a real good time. she has a lot of gratitude and knows how to express it. what a woman!

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