New E.U. Security Levels

BRITAIN:

  • The British are feeling the pinch in relation to the terrorist bombings in London a few summers ago. As a result, this incredibly civil people have raised their security level from “Miffed” to “Peeved’.
  • ,Soon though, security levels may be raised yet again to “Irritated” or even “A Tad Cross”. This is important to note , since Londoners especially, have not been “A Tad Cross” since the Blitz in 1940, when tea and Gin supplies ran perilously low
  • Furthermore, terrorists have been officially re-categorised  (pretentious British spelling) from “Boring” to a “Damn Bloody Nuisance”. The last time the British issued a “Damn Bloody Nuisance” warning level was during John Majors’ tenure as chief resident at #10 Downing

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FRANCE:

  • The French government has also raised its terror alert level from “Run” to “Run and Hide”
  • The only two higher levels in France are “Surrender” and “Collaborate”
  • The rise in level was precipitated by a recent fire that destroyed two of the country’s most profitable factories; one which made the pheromonic cologne called, “Le Arrogance”, which on contact, compels French men to become sheer assholes and actually grows leg and armpit hair on women.  The other factory which lies in a large ash heap is “Le Fabrique d’Retreat” which handled all of the country’s white flag needs

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ITALY:

  • Italy has increased the alert level from “Shout Loudly and Excitedly With Histrionic Hand Gesturing ” to “Elaborate Military Posturing”
  • Side effects of the stress caused by the possibility of terroristic threats have prompted negative reactions among the country’s kinder. Rapid and advanced maturation of children is a growing problem. Boys as young as seven have to shave full beards and girls are considered nubile at age nine. Or is it the other way around???
  • Two more levels remain: “Ineffective Combat Operations” and “Revert To Fascism If Losing”

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GERMANY:

  • The Germans, wishing to stay in “goose-step” with their neighbors, have also increased their alert state from “Disdainful Arrogance” to “Dress In Brownish Uniforms Which Mask Thinly Veiled Homo-Eroticism and Sing Marching Songs About A Guy Named Horst”
  • Every Tuesday is Putsch and Eugenics Night at  der Beer Hall
  • They have two higher alert levels: “Invade a Neighboring Country” and “Lose”

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LUXEMBOURG:

Who?

Ah, the world should feel safer. , I know I do.

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4 comments

  1. Dear Lil Sis,

    Kathy, PM and myself have the opportunity to be around your humor, wit, imagination, etc., but your blog fans don’t. We don’t know how draining it is to write all day and then have to come home and write again but you don’t have to every night.

    My advice-don’t pull the plug . . . yet.

    Your loving Mid Sis.

  2. You are still at it. Good–because this was funny–gave me my first and last laugh so far today, so thanks.

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