Simple Question/Complex Answers

Why did the chicken cross the road?

It’s an age-old query.

Meant to be a joke, most of the time, but here at Laurie Industries, we were surprised to learn that it’s a question in which some of history’s greatest minds have seriously pondered.    A list was sent to us via e-mail, and as always, we thought it was incomplete.

We contacted Horace Greeley, the curator of Poultry at Tyson’s Museum of Mother Cluckers in Pullitville, Iowa, who enlightened us on others who have made commentary on this conundrum.

.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX:
It was a historical inevitability.

PRESIDENT GEORGE W. BUSH
I love knock-knock jokes.   Who’s there?

TIMOTHY LEARY:
Acid, man.  Acid.

SENATOR HILLARY CLINTON:
Obviously, the chicken was coerced into crossing the road, due to a vast right wing conspiracy. Speaking of chicks, has anyone seen Bill?

SADDAM HUSSEIN:
This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping mega-tons of nerve gas on it.

LINDA BLAIR AS REaGAN MCNEIL IN “THE EXORCIST:
Pluck me….PLUCK ME!!!!!!!!!

LOUIS FARRAKHAN:
The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken ‘crossed’ the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.   By the way during Katrina, the levies were bombed, man.

ROSIE O’DONNELL:
It never made it out of the yard; I ate it

RON JEREMY…PORN STAR:
I never made it out of the yard; I screwed it

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.:
I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without fear or reprisal or  having their motives called into question.   Chickens should be judged by the content of their character, not by the color of their feathers

MOSES:
And God came down from the Heavens, and He said unto the chicken, “Thou shalt cross the road.” And the chicken crossed the road, and there was much rejoicing. Then, he gathered his flock and they roamed the coup for 40-years.

Let my poultry go!!!

JERRY SEINFELD:
Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn’t anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around near a busy street, anyway? Was it a Rhode Island Red? Not that there’s anything wrong with that!!!

ANJELINA JOLIE:
It was an oppressed chicken and a beautiful one.  It was a chicken of many colors, living on a neglected farm. I adopted it to bring it into that real life Benetton ad I call my crazy ass family.   

We named it “Kirby”

DAILY KOS:
The chicken crossed the road unnecessarily because of George Bush. Had he not lied about those “capons of mass destruction”, the chicken would never have crossed the road in the first place.

SIGMUND FREUD:
The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity. The answer is simple: The chicken’s mother is to blame for this radical decision to risk life and wing

BILL GATES:
I have just released the new Chicken Office 2000, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. In 2010, I fully intend for it to be able to fricassee itself

DARWIN:
Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads

DONALD TRUMP:
It was a good looking chicken with drumsticks up to here!!!   So, I bought the Miss Poultry World Contest just for this bird. I plan to marry it just as soon as I can divorce my current wife. That’ll happen next January when she reaches the ripe old age of 28

EINSTEIN:
Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
It was a good chicken. A nice chicken. It crossed the road to die. In the rain.

COLONEL SANDERS:
Son of a bitch!!!   I missed one?

7 comments

  1. Thomas de Torquemada: Give me ten minutes with the chicken and I’ll find out.

    Carl Jung: The confluence of events in the cultural gestalt necessitated that individual chickens cross roads at this historical juncture, and therefore synchronicitously brought such occurrences into being.

    Aristotle: To actualize its potential.

    Buddha: If you ask this question, you deny your own chicken-nature.

    Howard Cosell: It may very well have been one of the most astonishing events to grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurrence.

    Salvador Dali: The Fish.

    Darwin, again: It was the logical next step after coming down from the trees.

    Emily Dickinson: Because it could not stop for death.

    Ernest Hemingway: To die. In the rain.

    Henry David Thoreau: To live deliberately … and suck all the marrow out of life.

    Johnny Cochran: The chicken didn’t cross the road. Some
    chicken-hating, genocidal, lying public official moved the road right under the chicken’s feet while he was practicing his golf swing and thinking about his family.

    Camus: The chicken’s mother had just died. But this did not really upset him, as any number of witnesses can attest. In fact, he crossed just because the sun got in his eyes.

    Siskel: I don’t know why it crossed the road, but I loved it. Thumbs up!

    Ebert: I disagree. The whole thing left the audience wondering; the chicken’s crossing the road was never clearly explained and the chicken didn’t emote very well. It couldn’t even speak English! Thumbs down.

  2. you see that clears some things up for me because i could never figure out why the chicken even wanted to get to the other side.

  3. the chicken wanted to cross the road because there was a good looking rooster on the other side.

    oh, hell. just a guess.

  4. Chickens are vile, evil creatures. I’m quite sure that whatever the reason, it involves an insidious plot to take control of the US Government. (They’ve already taken over the Democrats, I think.)

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