A Man’s Life

There is no one on Earth who knows better than women that Man really is the King of Beasts. He rules all he surveys. Lions can try to lay claim to the title, but come on!!!! Man invented guns and guns have done more to eradicate lions from this planet faster than anything else.

Come to think of it, guns are doing a number on eradicating men, too. But that’s not the gist of this post.

Man might have conquered all animals, but he actually has a lot in common with lions. Their adult lives parallel in ways most people don’t even realize. Especially in the area of love and marriage.

Here are 17 prime examples that I feel aptly explain the concise correlation that exist between man and beast:



Being single and dating.




It is frequent. It is often. It is lustful.

But after a while, it begins to feel shallow; meaningless.



You’re bored.

“Guerrilla dating” is growing old, plus the hassles of your job are grating on your nerves. You’re tired. You need a break.

You decide to take a vacation.

You go out on safari and there she is–a vision. Lovely, kind; fierce when she needs to be. You’re convinced this one is different. There’s something about her. You want to get to know her.

You ask her out to dinner.

She consents.

You both decide you’re in the mood for German food.



The relationships works. She’s the mane to your tail. You’re happy–happier than you’ve ever been, actually. You realize you’re both very much in love. You start thinking seriously about forever.

That Christmas, you become engaged.


Example #4

Marriage; You’re a proud, happy couple. There’s solidarity in your union.


Example #5

Life is good; the marriage is working, affection and closeness runs high.


Example #6

Within a few years, you start a family.


Example #7

Then, something happens. She stops being a wife and that means she stops “doing a lot of the stuff she used to do”.

She suddenly becomes a mother….and something of a shrew.

She roars a lot.

At you, mainly.


Example #8

There’s incessant fighting. You wake up one morning and realize you’re miserable


Example #9

She can no longer hide her unhappiness, either. You stop talking, move into separate bedrooms and she ventures into “grudge eating. She gains 43 pounds in two months.


Example #10

But you agree that you are still married and you both take your vows seriously. She suggests counseling; you agree to go, hoping that at the very least, it might possibly get her to stop eating.

In spite of it all, you think still love your wife, want your marriage and you jump through hoops to prove both points


Example #11

But couples’ therapy doesn’t help. Despite your efforts, you lose interest in your wife and your marriage and when you meet a hot little tiger at a neighborhood watering hole, you just can’t help yourself.

You have an affair.

It’s wild, hot …animalistic. Damn near feral.

You’re convinced it fills the many emotional voids in your life.


Example #12

Your wife finds out about the affair and more fighting ensues. It’s even more vicious than before.


Example #13

She announces that she can’t take any more and can no longer live under the same dysfunctional roof. She moves in with her older sister, Leona


Example #14

It’s over.



The damage is irreparable. After one very heated argument at her sister’s one evening, you both decide that a divorce is inevitable. She hires a lawyer.

He’s Jewish.


Example #15

You have no choice but to rollover and give in to every demand.


Example #16

The divorce is final. She got everything…the house, the den.

Your pride.

A year later, she’s lost 45 pounds, has a face lift and looks stunning. She starts hanging around all these crazy gay cats. They’re a hip, younger crowd. They go everywhere together–shopping, theater, nightclubs and she’s happy. Happy for the first time in years.

She’s obviously, having the time of her life.



Example #17

In the meantime, you sulk. You’re miserable. Because of that damned affair, you got skinned alive. You’re bitter, angry and vulnerable…to the point that you now feel as though everyone walks all over you.


Ah, such is life.

So, the moral of this post, is try to make a go of your relationship. Fight for it, not because of it and whatever you do, don’t have an affair.

You could loose everything.

Seriously….I’m not lion!!



Don’t forget to checkout a must read every Sunday, Dr. Sanity’s Carnival of The Insanities


  1. I love the way you take old jokes and e-mail favorites that have made the rounds for months and months and make them your own. I’ve seen this on another blog. It was funny as is, but you gave it so much more life. I loved the Jewish lawyer/lion tamer comparison. Very funny

    This is inspired. No one can do this like you, LK. Brava!!!!

  2. Genius is one of those words that looks as if it’s spelled wrong when it’s spelled right. Hate that.

    Awesome LK, very phunny.

  3. Pingback: Piękna i bestie*

And now, you may opine your ass off...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.