Doctor Notes

These are actual, un-edited notes from patients’ charts.


  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
  • On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it had disappeared completely
  • She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night
  • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also seems to be depressed
  • Discharge status: alive but without permission
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful
  • The patient refused an autopsy
  • The patient has no past history of suicides
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital
  • Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days
  • Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant
  • She is numb from her toes down
  • While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home
  • Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid
  • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce
  • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy
  • Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
  • The lab test revealed abnormal lover function
  • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead
  • Skin: somewhat pale but present
  • The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor
  • Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities


  1. This type of charting in the health field is so common that our nursing instructors made us take weekly quizzes on true examples such as the ones above – to correct and revise each sentence so that it read properly. Quiz day was always fun.

And now, you may opine your ass off...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.