Doctor Notes

These are actual, un-edited notes from patients’ charts.

Unbelievable.

  • Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for over a year
  • On the 2nd day the knee was better and on the 3rd day it had disappeared completely
  • She has had no rigors or shaking chills, but her husband states she was very hot in bed last night
  • The patient has been depressed ever since she began seeing me in 1993
  • The patient is tearful and crying constantly. She also seems to be depressed
  • Discharge status: alive but without permission
  • Healthy appearing decrepit 69 year-old male, mentally alert but forgetful
  • The patient refused an autopsy
  • The patient has no past history of suicides
  • Patient has left his white blood cells at another hospital
  • Patient’s past medical history has been remarkably insignificant with only a 40 pound weight gain in the past three days
  • Patient had waffles for breakfast and anorexia for lunch
  • Between you and me, we ought to be able to get this lady pregnant
  • She is numb from her toes down
  • While in ER, she was examined, X-rated and sent home
  • Rectal exam revealed a normal-sized thyroid
  • She stated that she had been constipated for most of her life, until she got a divorce
  • I saw your patient today, who is still under our car for physical therapy
  • Exam of genitalia reveals that he is circus sized
  • The lab test revealed abnormal lover function
  • The patient was to have a bowel resection. However, he took a job as a stockbroker instead
  • Skin: somewhat pale but present
  • The pelvic examination will be done later on the floor
  • Patient has two teenage children, but no other abnormalities

5 comments

  1. This type of charting in the health field is so common that our nursing instructors made us take weekly quizzes on true examples such as the ones above – to correct and revise each sentence so that it read properly. Quiz day was always fun.

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