Style???? Not so much

Fashion.

Vogue.

What trendy, tawdry forms of “la moda” that fall within those constraints of style never cease to amaze me.

When I was in High School, I wore wide, flare leg hip hugger blue jeans…faded within an inch of their life,a peasant blouses and peace sign shirts and mini skirts. I wore platform shoes and green Chuck Taylors and God help me, Earth Shoes!!

Fast forward to 2008.

When I got home from work today, I pulled off my wide, flare leg hip hugger blues jeans, faded within an inch of their life; my peasant blouses with a peace sign on it and then I kicked off my green platform Earth shoes, then I got comfortable.

Plus ça change, plus c’est la même chose…

But not completely.

I work in radio. That means I work with gametes. Yes…walking sperm. The average age of employee is about 27, so at 49, I am indeed the elder stateswoman of the bunch. They are not just young, they are incredibly young and their lexicons and fashion sense reflect that. Now, I know…I was young once too, but I was never that young. I know I was never that young.

They refer to each other as “Douche” and “Dude”. They refer to me as ‘”Dude”, which thrills me almost as much as hearing the words “totally” ( uttered with that ridiculous California-esque vowel exaggeration) along with the words, “completely” and “like”, used 47 times in one two minute conversation. Plus, their sentences end in that silly up lilt cadence. As if they’re asking a question when in fact, they’re making declarative sentences.

It makes my ears vomit.

And the clothes they wear? That’s another post entirely, but I’m beginning to see a frightening trend.

Namely with their hair.

I looked at a few of the guys I work with and realized they’ve got the damnedest hair. What the hell is that cut called? So, I went perusing through the Intraweb to learn of it’s name and found several photos that are exemplary of the style of “uttter douchebaggery” that I’m seeing at work.

I’m talking about young men men with this hair cut called a “Blow Out”.

And it looks like shit. Laughably so.

Here’s an example:

It’s hair that’s cut roughly 2.5 inches all over the head, then you apply “product” to spike it straight out. Back, front, top, above the ears….all over.

It’s a cut that’s popular, I hear, among young Italian American men and boys in New Jersey. It was made popular few years back by those filthy Gotti boys.

But when they introduced the style on the reality show, “Growing Up Gotti” on A&E, featuring their mom VIctoria and her fake blond pelt, it was just funny looking hair that was hard and sharply pointed at the ends…..lethal in parts of Iowa.

But something happened. These days, the guys aren’t just sporting Gotti Blow Outs, they’re doing so on top of faces that are tanned carrot-orange.

See what I mean? And what’s up with that?

These guys are running around Trenton, Fort Lee and East Orange (how appropriate!!), looking like complete douches, alright.

Based on the skin color, I’d say they look more like Betadine douches.

Someday these human squeeze bottles will look at their photos and lament their decision to ask Santa for the world’s worst case of Rosacea.

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I’m embarrassed for them.

Let’s move along now to bad make-up.

How ’bout that Amy Winehouse????

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“They tried to make me go to eye-liner school and I said no…no…no”

I don’t know what else to say about La Winehouse, other than she’s better at applying make-up than Kelly Osborne.

I take one look at this pic….

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And I can’t help but think of….

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Lon Chaney as “The Phantom of The Opera”.

It’s as if Kelly applies her make up with an adjustable spray paint gun and it’s set on “Whore”.

And then there are the Latinas.

Yo le adoro, mis hermanas, but ay Dios Mio!!!! Que es la deal with the eyebrows????wadWh

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When did this ridiculously pencil thin thin eyebrow look happen? I don’t know, but I guess it’s official— Hispanic women MUST KEEP AWAY FROM THE SHARPIES!!!!

NO MAS LAUNDRY MARKERS!!!!!

And based on these two photos…

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Stay the hell away from the Liquid Paper, too.

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12 comments

  1. Laurie, near the top of my ‘things I just don’t get’ list are painted-on eyebrows and fake orange tans. Where are they getting their mirrors, anyway? I want the model that shrinks my saddlebags and makes my boobs perky, please.

  2. I was surfing the tags, or whatever they call the tag surfer business on WP, and found you! I am glad that I did.

    Am going to read some more now, but wanted to send greetings –

    A fortysomething New Yorker living in Canada, and obsessed with retro/pop culture (rather in the manner of the protagonist of “The Girl Who Sang With the Beatles” by Robert Hemenway)

    Lidian

  3. I work in NYC and see these kids all over, even see a couple at work, maybe it’s my age. I’m 44 and had the requisite semi-long but not too long to to look like a girl from behind hair when I was in high school (you know what I mean). These days I sport a classic flat top (think Howie Long) and I think it looks good. I can understand the overuse of hair products to make your hair look presentable, but these kids use half a tube of gel to make their hair look like they just crawled out of an alley they passed out into last night.

  4. The Gotti boys thing…I’m just glad I don’t live in Long Island or Jersey. They run rampant there.

    I LOVED Amy’s shirt. I’m a big CryBaby fan. 🙂

    I used to draw on my eyebrows too. It’s like..required if you’re Mexican. Seriously. And I’m sure each one of them would probably beat you with pipes if they read this – those types of Latinas don’t play. *lol*

  5. I remember back in the late 60’s and early 70’s I would visit my friends in Mexico. And, I would put the eyeliner on almost half the eyelid and I thought that was so cool. Or we would put a thick line in the crease of eyelid and blot it, to give it a smokey look.

    What will we do to make ourselves look beautiful???

    I remember the first sunless tanning products would turn you orange or if you used iodine in baby oil, sometime that would turn you orange-red!

    Hey Karol, remember the iodine & baby oil for that great tan and baby soft skin? Have a great day!

  6. you’re right on the mark, christine. i would lay out for hours at our pool and i did get dark. course, now that i’m in my fifties, who know what damage i did. so far, so good.

    have a great memorial day weekend!

  7. The good thing about the drawn-on eyebrows is that if you make the woman mad, you can bail out while she goes to the bathroom to redraw the brows angry-style.

    Good stuff, LK.

  8. Damn. Seems like ages since I’ve been here. First of all I’d like to say, I’m dying. I blame that for not coming here. And secondly, did you just to a search on Latinas with bad eyebrows to get some of those pics? Well if you got them from myspace, all you have to do is throw a stone and you’ll hit bad makeup city anywho…

    Hope you have been well, and I need to catch up.

  9. I saw a tube of “product” in my grandsons’s bathroom, it was named Got2B and the shit is actually called “hair glue”.

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