Don’t Step On A Duck

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Three women die together in an accident and go to heaven.

When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: don’t step on the ducks!”

So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place. It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first woman accidentally steps on one.

Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest man she ever saw.

St. Peter chains them together and says, “Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to this ugly man!”

The next day, the second woman steps accidentally on a duck and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing. With him is another extremely ugly man. He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first woman.

The third woman has observed all this and, not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly man, is very, VERY careful where she steps.

She manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to her with the most handsome man she has ever laid eyes on … very tall, long eyelashes, muscular, and thin.

St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.

The happy woman says, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”

The guy says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”

9 comments

  1. How about this one.

    A nun, badly needing to use the restroom, walked into a Hooters. The place was hopping with music and loud conversation and every once in awhile, the lights would turn off.

    Each time they would go out, the place erupted with cheers and applause. However, when the revealers saw the nun, the room went dead silent.

    She walked up to the bartender and asked if she could use the restroom. He said “ok, but I should warn you that there is a statue of a naked man in there wearing only a fig leaf”.

    “Well then I shall look the other way” she said. After a few minutes she came back out and the whole place stopped just long enough to give the nun a loud round of applause.

    She went to the bartender and asked,”Sir, I don’t understand. Why did they applaud me just because I went to the restroom”?

    “Now you’re one of us”, he said. “Would you like a drink”?

    “No, thank you. But I still don’t understand” said the puzzled nun.

    “You see,” he laughed, “every time someone lifts the fig leaf on the statue the lights go out”.

    “Now how about that drink?”

  2. i couldn’t stop thinking about dangerfield bringing the pain to that waspy country club while reading this.

    the last time i saw a mouth like that, it had a hook in it.

  3. Brilliant made even better by the fact that in Britain, to “step on a duck” is to surprise yourself in public with a loud, unexpected and completely uncontrollable fart. I’m assuming the same goes Stateside yes?

    Cheers

    BC

  4. Ooh ooh…I want in too with a completely unrelated one:

    “A young woman buys a mirror at an antique shop, and hangs it on her bathroom door. One evening, while getting undressed, she playfully says “Mirror, mirror, on my door, make my bustline forty four”.

    Instantly, there is a brilliant flash of light, and her breasts grow to enormous proportions. Excitedly, she runs to tell her husband what happened, and in minutes they both return.

    This time the husband crosses his fingers and says “Mirror mirror on the door, make my penis touch the floor!”.

    Again, there’s a bright flash … and then his legs fall off!”

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